I think this is a common theme for a lot of people, especially millennials. We were raised in church, but that's about it. Who I was as a Christian 20 years ago isn't who I am now as a Christian. The process has been long and not easy. Trauma from the church is real and in fact our pastor talked about it two weeks ago. I hope you find what you are looking for OP. It may mean you take a break, you try lots of churches, or no churches at all. I don't believe you have to go to church to be religious. The church can be the community you make.