I was raised in a pretty fundamentalist Southern Baptist household, grew up going to church at least 3x/week, all that fun stuff. Left Christianity when I was 20 (although it was a gradual process, took over a year, and definitely felt a lot of mixed emotions during the process). It’s been 17 years since then, and haven’t looked back. Not sure about any kind of local “exChristian” groups or anything, but if you’ve got any questions I’d be happy to answer any I can.

You're not alone. I hate to admit I was an evangelical for a couple of decades. I bailed on religion about 10 years ago. The deconstruction process was painful, mainly because it was hard to find like minded people...a new tribe as it were. Brenea Brown talks about how a "tribe" equates to "protection". Without it one is vulnerable. So we compromise at times to create that sense of security, and acceptance.

It's even more difficult when we live in the bible belt. We've attended/supported the Venues for several years now. I think they are the closest tribe we have in the area. Still not 100% in line with where I stand theologically, but close.

PM me if you want to talk more.

There are many, many ex-evangelicals at Brentwood, including the pastor, Phil Snider. If you contact him, I bet he would know where to direct you to find like-minded folks.

Hell ya, bb. I don’t have any suggestions for in-person community (though I’ve been curious about the Universalist church a few times) but I’d be down to meet up for coffee! Also if you don’t already, you may want to check out Madison Morrigan on Facebook. She’s a local life coach who’s exvangelical.

I echo this recommendation. Phil Snider is a great guy and could definitely help here.

Our local 417hub.com Discord chat tolerates a great deal of sacrilegious memes and I feel like it's a healthy coping tool for a lot of us there

I've met him. His church and a few of the other Progressive churches are the few that do homeless Outreach or used to. I attended a few services hosted by him at the venues and it was the chillest thing I have ever seen for a church service I swear to god. Unlike anything I grew up with. Unlike the kind of church where everybody turns around and watches you walk in, they're used to people just kind of dropping in and out to check it out or have a cup of coffee and leave. LOL

I just want to say deconstructing your faith can be so hard and feel really isolating and life changing. I hope you find companions for the journey. ♥️🙏

I attend the venues and am a part of The New Evangelicals group on Facebook. It's a pretty huge community and has been helpful. I'm down to hang out too!

I think it’s hard to find a tribe here in general without being involved in church. My wife and I moved here from out of state a few years back and still have a pretty small circle here, but no “tribe” unfortunately.

We recently started attending Emmaus Church and you might feel at home there. It has been pretty amazing and we've met several exvangelicals there. If you pm me to let me know when you're visiting, I'd be happy to sit with you!

Yeah, it's pretty difficult, but not impossible. Where did you guys move here from?

I'm a local (Branson) but left for about 15 years. Came back as an atheist/agnostic and felt like an outcast. I picked up religion to be part of the crowd. Then I began to believe it. I drank that cool aid for a long time, but my spirit wasn't there. So many questions, and things that just didn't align. I felt I wasn't being authentic to myself, but at the same time I wrestled with still believing a spiritual side of me exists...and still do. And I've finally landed at a place that would be described as spiritual but not religious....but put on the mask in the community to avoid the shun or ridicule that I think would happen if people knew the real me. Friends know, but work associates probably not so much.

wow OP, you sound like me, except instead of evangelical, i’m ex-Catholic. i don’t have any advice in where to go, but just know you’re not alone in this struggle. wish you the best ❤️

I de-converted over 20 years ago.

I wish we had one, a Sunday community building alternative would be a great asset to Springfield.

I feel your sentiment of wanting to share with other people who have had bad experiences with the church.

I feel like I hold to certain Christian values, like loving kindness, closer than many believers I meet. This leaves me with a weird uncomfortableness in situations where Christians and I don't see eye to eye. I think talking about that with others would be a good thing.

Ill second the UU church, when I went there they had a Pie graph of all the faiths of the members. I never once had a bad experience there.

And we sang Grateful dead tunes for the music service.
That's 'Touch of Grey'
Not 'Casey Jones'

I think this is a common theme for a lot of people, especially millennials. We were raised in church, but that's about it. Who I was as a Christian 20 years ago isn't who I am now as a Christian. The process has been long and not easy. Trauma from the church is real and in fact our pastor talked about it two weeks ago. I hope you find what you are looking for OP. It may mean you take a break, you try lots of churches, or no churches at all. I don't believe you have to go to church to be religious. The church can be the community you make.

That’s great to hear! Also lol at Casey Jones 😂

hiiii literally sounds like i wrote this post wow lol. ive been wanting to start searching for a therapist in that field as well. i moved to springfield close to a decade ago to attend bible college. i graduated and worked at a church up until the pandemic basically. major religious trauma but ive settled down with my partner and have found peace in simply not having faith anymore. the not so peaceful part is all the relationships ive lost or that have become weird since. sometimes i wish i could move to another city and start over where no one knew me as “christian.” but its just not time to move yet

also, a great community i’ve found that has helped me feel less alone tremendously is a group called “your favorite heretics” on facebook. i love them

I grew up in the area, attended various churches at my mom’s demand but mostly Southern Baptist. I was very serious about my faith, involved in a music ministry and church bands for many years. Long story short, attending AA began my deconstruction process around 2016. I “came out” to my family as a non-believer via letter in 2020. I’m still working through the emotional and mental trauma of my religious upbringing. I’m often disgusted by the Evangelical Christianity of my family and folks in the area. I have zero interest in a church family or a replacement for my former Christian life/beliefs. I do however miss this type of community, in general, and have longed to find others in a similar position in this area too.

Some of the resources I turned to while deconstructing: The Life After Podcast by Brady Hardin and Chuck ? Exvangelical - podcast by Blake Chastain Straight White American Jesus - podcast by Bradly Onishi & Daniel Miller

There’s a Recovering from Religion-Springfield, MO Meetup group. They used to meet at Big Momma’s pre-covid. Not sure if they’ve gone back to in-person. I’ve never had the chance to attend their meetups so can’t speak to the people or quality.

I’d be interested in gathering with other likeminded individuals, if you end up putting something together.

Good luck, this can be one of the most difficult things you will ever do. I have no suggestions other than try reading Demon-Haunted World by Sagan. It helped me.

I am but I'm in STL now. Hmu if you ever want to chat.

I deconstructed about fifteen years ago myself; out of an AG church I'd grown up in. You are welcome to PM with questions if you'd like.

My book/source recommendations would be altered by where you felt you were at. I could give you the list that worked for me. But I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be as helpful. Different life stories and all.

So, if you don't mind the presumption, what are you questioning? God? How your churches are behaving in reaction to things? Accountability for non-denominational, and denominational as well, leaders who abuse their power? The Bible? How your church interprets the Bible? Age of the earth? Existence of an historical Jesus?

Try a CrossFit gym. Lots of Christians, sure, but no sermons.

I do feel for you. I came from a very religious evangelical household and my mom was certifiably nuts about it (she thought God had impregnated her through wind with a boy whose name was supposed to be Justin Time... because he would be born in time for the rapture). If you find a therapist, I would take the number myself.

I would be willing to talk with like minded people but I do not miss religion. If anything, even at a young age, it showed me that it is farce.

I really, really appreciate all of your comments and the private messages people have sent. Thank you for helping me feel less alone. I do have several online spaces that I frequent that are helpful but I think I just long for in-person friends and community. We moved here two years ago and between the pandemic and deconstructing, it’s been really challenging. Just knowing that there are others like me around helps. Maybe one day I can be a part of starting some kind of safe community for people like us. For now, I will be checking out the people and resources you have all mentioned.

You have to make a choice. Do you follow the Church or do you follow God? There is a clear difference. Once you choose, the path becomes more clear.

I think you misunderstood my post — I am not following either at the moment.

Tamara Bellings specializes in religious trauma, and she's an excellent therapist. We frequently send each other referrals; she's one of my go-to clinicians when I'm not able to take on a client for whatever reason.

He is a wonderful guy, and a fantastic ally. He also briefly went viral the first go-around of the non-discrimination ordinance in 2012. There's a Buzzfeed article about him.