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Koyoteelaughter t1_j3g5gn2 wrote

I don't, but I can understand the man's frustration and guilt. After my divorce, I wanted to make sure my daughter had a great birthday. So despite not liking my ex-wife, I invited her along with all of my daughter's friends. I paid hundreds for a party room at this place filled with bouncy houses and stuff.

Everyone assured me they'd be there. My daughter was so excited, but in the end, it was just me, my ex-wife, and my daughter who kept wondering why no one showed up. She actually cried. I felt so bad about it that after my ex-wife left, I took my daughter out to the movies, to go bowling, to go play laser tag, to an escape room, and then out for pizza. It ended up be a very fun time for her, but initially, that birthday was a disaster.

To keep her from feeling depressed that her friends didn't show up, I lied to her and told her that I put the wrong date down on the invitations and that's why no one showed up. I made it my fault rather than her having to wonder why her friends didn't want to show up for her.

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elaborate_hoxha t1_j3hdayp wrote

I would be so mad. If that happened to my daughter Iā€™d call people out to their face. Or something irrational. Top level dadding there.

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dentalmomma OP t1_j3hj8py wrote

Geez. I can't imagine. My daughter is 7 and super sensitive....not only emotionally, but also to everyone around her. Something like that would absolutely crush her. (Especially since she's at the age that her and little Susie might get along one day but not the next, and that in itself is an earth-shattering event of course.)

Unfortunately, she's also the product of divorce. That event can be hard enough on a kiddo, but also having her friends essentially stand her up on her BIRTHDAY? Hurts my heart to think about.

You, my friend, are doing a hell of a job at this dad business. Co-parenting with an ex that you DO get along with is challenging enough. Co-parenting with one that can be difficult can be brutal lol. Well done for inviting the mom. I know your kiddo will remember that as she gets older and one day she'll understand exactly what that gesture meant.

You hang in there and keep up the good work. You're doing a great job šŸ’™

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Koyoteelaughter t1_j3hsehz wrote

When my wife left me I was bitter and hated her. But my daughter made me promise to be civil with her. She asked me and almost begged me not to be mean to her mom, so even when my ex-wife insulted my siblings and parents, I just took it like a beat dog so that I kept my word.

I'd made a deal with my daughter when she was young. So long as she told me when she did something bad, she'd never be punished. If she lied, her punishment would be severe, like extra long grounding or something. I also promised her that so long as she always told me the truth, I would never lie to her about anything. No matter what it was, if she wanted the truth, I'd tell her. When she asked me if there was really a santa claus, I told her that I was either going to say yes or no, and asked her if she could live with both those answers. I made her wait two weeks before I answered it to decide if she really wanted to know the answer. AFter two weeks, she said she'd prefer to know the truth, so I told there was no santa claus. When she asked me about the tooth fairy, I told her there were lots of gay dentists. lol.

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dentalmomma OP t1_j3htnot wrote

I'm a dental assistant. I can vouche for that šŸ§š

Also. Hats off to you. You're doing all the hard things. I commend you šŸ„¹

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i-touched-morrissey t1_j3hjqve wrote

OH my goodness! What a bunch of horrible people. You are a great dad, because if this had happened to one of my kids, I would have been crying.

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Koyoteelaughter t1_j3hrfm4 wrote

It wasn't really that they were horrible. My daughter's birthday is in June after school lets out. Families end up going on vacation or sending their kids to camp. One friend who RSVPd had to stay with her father and couldn't come because he lived in a different town. Another who RSVPd ended up going to Disney Land after their grandparents showed up with a surprise vacation for them. Another got sick and couldn't come. With the exception of six kids, the rest had decent excuses that were out of their hands.

The party she had the next year was really great. I moved all the furniture out of my room, the master bedroom, and put them in the garage. I then stayed up after she went to bed and ended up blowing up thousands of balloons. I put prizes in some of the balloons then filled up my bedroom with balloons so that it came up to the children's chins. I then unleashed them.

There were about sixteen kids there. There was cake, pizza, a pinata, gift bags, and a trampoline. It was pretty memorable.

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i-touched-morrissey t1_j3pl5xu wrote

Sounds like a blast. You should invite us all this year!

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Koyoteelaughter t1_j3ppiv2 wrote

I would, but she is nineteen now going on twenty and no longer visits her father now that he's disabled.

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i-touched-morrissey t1_j3t78mf wrote

Well that sucks. I'm sorry.

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Koyoteelaughter t1_j3t7v4c wrote

I expected it. Nothign good ever lasts. I'd prepared myself in advance for this. I just had to realize that as long as my daughter is happy and safe, that's all that matters. My needs are a distant second.

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the_honeyman t1_j3ickje wrote

You are a fantastic dad. Keep it up. Also, if you aren't yet, everybody at /r/daddit would love to have you.

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