TIFU by confessing to my best friend/ex

Submitted by Confession_gonne_bad t3_11e107j in tifu

Earlier today I M22 confessed to my M21 best friend/ex, throwaway since she uses Reddit, some context first, this is kind of a long one so bear with me, I met who we’ll call lily 3 years ago when I moved across the country for college and ended up living in the same student house as lily.

The first time we met I was cooking some food in the kitchen that so happens to look straight into the main door, lily had just arrived to town and was moving stuff into her room and her parents were helping her, when I saw her dad struggling to move a dresser up the stairs, I offered to help and we got along pretty well from there.

After that Lili and I were kind of inseparable and were always together; and very quickly within a couple of weeks caught feelings for each other, so one night being the stupid 18yo we were, both of us got super drunk and started kissing but stopped there, so the next day we talked about it and decided to see where things ended up between us.

All of the previous stuff happened at the beginning of the fall 2019 semester, by the end of said semester Lili and I were a “couple”, although we never made it oficial everyone knew about it, winter break arrives and it’s all good, we return next semester at the beginning of 2020 not knowing what evenly was the pandemic and how much it would change our lives, specially mine….

When the pandemic first hit and everyone got quarantined both of us returned to our homes, but decided to keep the relationship since it would only be a couple of weeks, bit it kept getting pushed further and further and further to the point both of us knew it wouldn’t end anytime soon, once we both realized this I noticed lily getting kind of distant, cold, and taking a long time to reply my texts, we all know how it ended, lily dumped me for another guy over at her city.

That sent me into a pretty hard depression and I never got over her since we still kept talking as friends over the pandemic, and everything changed last year when we all returned for our clases, I thought that was my chance to get her back and my life prepandemic which I so longed for, and boy was I wrong, for the whole past year she never saw me as nothing but her best friend, until today or so I thought…

Yesterday me, lily, and some friends went out drinking and got pretty drunk, once lilly and I returned home we kept on drinking and ended up having sex, this is were the FU takes place, this morning when both of us woke up we acted as if we were still that couple we once were, which put my hopes real high, while having breakfast I decided to finally confess to her the way I’ve been felling all this time, after I finished my breakfast I just started laying it all over the table, how I’m still in love with her, and how I felt last night was special, how I wished for both of us to once again be the couple we were, while I said this lily was silent just looking at me, when I finished talking and excitedly waited for her reply, lily just got up and said I was repulsive, promptly leaving after that to her room.

I haven’t gone out of my room all day, I’ve just been laying and crying alone in here, while she’s been very busy telling all of our mutual friends who have been blowing up my phone all day, and calling me every name under the sun, I guess tomorrow I’ll go out and look for somewhere to move since I don’t have any friends I could stay at.

TLDR; Confessed that I’m still in love with my best friend/ex after a sexy night together and now I’ll have to move and get new friends.

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spoolthirtytwo t1_jacucy9 wrote

Given her reaction, consider that she may not agree consent was established before you drunkenly had sex.

Maybe have a talk with her that isn't about you, you might discover that the night did not go for her the way you think it did. Just saying.

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Confession_gonne_bad OP t1_jaeaei7 wrote

Had a similar idea today to try and talk thins on her side, but I got completely shut down, so I guess that’s a message revived loud and clear, time to learn from this mistake and move on, easier said than done, thanks for the idea :)

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Gods-Nutbucket t1_jadotqu wrote

Yeah. I tend to avoid women that have dumped me for other men. It’s a whole Pandora’s box. This is all too common. Men have to abide by the social rules that women create in the dating scene and can’t be themselves until WAAAY later in the process. It’s why if you’re feeling so attached, distract yourself. If she truly loves you, she’ll come back. Though, she went on to call you repulsive and bad mouth you to your friends. If the night didn’t go as she expected, and if it’s true that you acted like a couple the next morning, she was either using you, has a messed up way of thinking; or was genuinely trying to avoid the emotional aspects. People use people for their own insecurities, physical, or emotional needs. People are shitty, BUT there’s a silver lining! Not everyone is shitty. You just happened to meet one person who can hide it well.

Also, the whole rescinding consent during the action I get. Drunk sex is not consensual in any way. If she had rescinded her consent AFTER the fact, I’d be prepared for anything.

Salvage what friendships you deem important and those who you think will believe in you. Cut out the others, move on with your life. Easier said than done. Took me YEARS. You got this.

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Confession_gonne_bad OP t1_jaeayhw wrote

Wish someone had told me this before jajaj, would’ve saved me a lot of trouble these days, but anyways, what’s said and done cannot be changed, time to begin a new phase in live, thanks for the great advice :)

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Chemical-Engineer979 t1_jabvdah wrote

Laid out to quick man… dont jus say ur feelings esp after sex. U get up cook breakfast and enjoy the freaking time. Then go along on ur way and keep doin ur thing. If she liked it shed hang out again and again then mayb u talk about feelings. U dont just jump out the friend zone right into bf mode and darn sure dont tell a girl how much u love her unless she asks, at least not till after a while of serious hangin out. Let her be her she may not want to be serious and may need time to get comfy. Ur not wrong just ur timing. Sometimes people are complicated try working on controling ur feelings first. Dont get too obsessed ovr people thats how people go nutz.

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Confession_gonne_bad OP t1_jaear1e wrote

Yeah for sure I didn’t thought what I said through, definitely let my emotions take me over and ended screwing everything up jajaja, I’ve got a lot to lear from this for sure, thanks for the advice :)

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Chemical-Engineer979 t1_jaefeqo wrote

Now take that and say it to the girl if u wanna at least salvage ur friendship. It is very hard for a woman to find a male friend she can be comfy with and trust so they dont always wanna just cut u off for a mistake. Take the sex outta the equation and try to salvage ur friendship. Shes prolly more upset she lost a friend if anything. Yall were friends, hung out and then had sex, prolly a good time then boom u hit her with emotions b4 she could go home and reflect on it. Jus try to tell her what u told us and hope u stay friends and MAYBE more. Date other woman and mayb ull see that there is someone u like more

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Confession_gonne_bad OP t1_jaek4oa wrote

Honestly, I’m glad I posted here, although I didn’t get thousands of comments like other posts, I feel that I got what I needed to hear, after reading you guys comments I sent her a text so that we could speak, and thankfully she agreed, so tonight we’re meting for coffee to speak, I really appreciate all of the words that motivated me, honestly I’m really grateful to everyone

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Chemical-Engineer979 t1_jaf4ugh wrote

Good luck and glad u had the balls to speak to her. Jus b honest and remember the friendship is whats important

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