Submitted by hellopoppyskit t3_11d5vfk in tifu

My boyfriend and I were talking and he told me about how he went to a strip club for one of his coworkers bachelor party before I met him. He told me that he got a lap dance but didn’t enjoy it 🤨. Anyway I jokingly told him that I wanna go to a male strip club, like thunder down under or something, so I could get a lap dance too. If he got to enjoy one I wanna enjoy one too! He got all huffy and puffy and started to look up male stripper moves so he could give me a lap dance cause he didn’t want magic mike dancing on me. Well you know the move where the guys like land on their hands and then essentially hump the floor? To the grind on me song? He wanted to try that with me laying on the floor so he could give me a lap dance, or I guess a body dance. So he made me lay on the floor and he was standing above me getting ready to grind on me. I wasn’t wary or anything because he’s a pretty strong guy and I thought he’d be able to hold him self up above me so he could go to town. I was wrong. He essentially just slammed down right on top of me, knocking the air from my lungs and almost squashing me to death. He weighs like 280 and I almost became a flat Stanley. I started panicking cause I couldn’t breath and he just asked “was that a bad lap dance?”

Don’t get a lap dance from my boyfriend.

TL;DR boyfriend gave me a lap dance and almost killed me

Edit-this conversation was all in good fun and we joke with each other all the time! My boyfriend knows I wouldn’t actually go and get a lap dance from a stripper, I wouldn’t do that to him



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AllanfromWales1 t1_ja6zic9 wrote

> Don’t get a lap dance from my boyfriend.

I'm willing to give him a try, but then I'm a 280lb male too..


PM-me-fancy-beer t1_ja702vt wrote

I'm imagining him bouncing off you and it's wholesome. A tummy bump that springs him back up to a standing position


hellopoppyskit OP t1_ja80ukv wrote

I’ll tell him he has another customer!


Wackipaki t1_jaa8wan wrote

Customer?! I thought he was giving it out for free.. now I have to reconsider my position.


hellopoppyskit OP t1_jaabi35 wrote

If you buy him a bag of jalapeño chips he’ll do it for free!


TheShark24 t1_ja87nns wrote

Upvote for Flat Stanley reference


Xslicer-360 t1_jaaehm9 wrote

Flat stanley was my favorite book back in elementary


blainooo t1_ja74mag wrote

It's not relationship advice but OP wants a male lapdance from a male stripper while in a relationship and his lapdance was out of one? Hello?


Tryignan t1_ja8ya6y wrote

It was obviously a joke. I know tone doesn’t carry over to text to well, but you can’t all be this dense


cobigguy t1_ja9mr0e wrote

  1. It was a joke.

  2. How insecure are you? Do you really think your partner only ever thinks sexually about you?


Capable-Site-301 t1_ja7ril7 wrote

I don't see a problem with that? Just because you are married suddenly means you're not allowed to look at or be sexually turned on by other people? Seems pretty controlling to me.


ShaderzXC t1_ja9a41x wrote

Looking at or noticing attractive people, sure. Paying for someone to sexually turn you on is a whole other thing.


Capable-Site-301 t1_ja9ew22 wrote

What's wrong with being sexually turned on? Who does that harm?


JimmyLocks t1_ja9h4s5 wrote

Idk pal ask the millions upon million of divorced people on this earth they’ll tell you


Capable-Site-301 t1_ja9hbu7 wrote

Ah, yes, all those divorces that happened because someone went to a strip club.

Got it.


JimmyLocks t1_ja9htt7 wrote

😂 literally just google strip club divorce and you’ll see a full page of instances and opinions on that subject


Capable-Site-301 t1_ja9i75r wrote

I looked at a few. Seems the big issue is someone in the relationship promised not to go to a strip club but kept going but tried to cover it up.

So the issue is lying, which is much more serious than getting a lapdance.


JimmyLocks t1_ja9idt2 wrote

And why wouldn’t they want their SO to go to a strip club?


Capable-Site-301 t1_ja9ik4f wrote

Same reason they don't want their SO drinking too much or watching porn, or gambling? They personally don't like it, for whatever reason.

Not everyone thinks like that.

EDIT: Read the responses here. Most of them say going to a strip club is not a big issue, but the lying is. And the wife admitted she didn't want her husband going because she's just insecure (which, I suspect, is true of most of the people in this thread downvoting me and acting like going to a strip club is some kind of unpardonable sin, when it's realy just all in good fun.).


HumanStruggle8295 t1_ja7fwg4 wrote

Anyway I jokingly told him that I wanna go to a male strip club
Read : I'm going to a male strip club next time I have the occasion because it's not fair you had a good time before meeting me so I want that good time now even if we are in the relashionship* Also he said he didn't enjoy it and she instantly think he lies.
Girl's red flag fucking flying like a chinese's parade.


DozenPaws t1_ja9em3x wrote

You're unhinged. I love when people expose themselves.


Mental_Nectarine_803 t1_ja8gpwy wrote

it's just a joke. me n my gf joke about things like this too because we trust each other 100% and are comfortable with each other.


CookiePush t1_ja71p17 wrote

A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying


Squigglepig52 t1_ja84wka wrote

As somebody with close friends who were dancers - I fucking hate that song so much.

Way too many nights spent dealing with the aftermath of jerk customers.


4_Legged_Duck t1_ja8tq1r wrote

Two of my friends hadn't met each other but bumped into an elevator. One was a decade older than the other and is bit stodgy. The younger started singing this song then stepped off the elevator and said nothing. Having my stodgy friend whine about about the young @#$^ in the elevator who sang this only to run into him a few moments later was absolutely priceless and a fun memory.

But outside of that one memory? Fuck this song with a sideways pineapple. I'm right there with you


bros402 t1_ja8z21b wrote

hell yeah, flat stanley reference


IamMooz t1_jaa7tez wrote

> Don’t get a lap dance from my boyfriend.

Was literally about to, but now I can't... Thanks OP!


ang3lic0w t1_jaa72i7 wrote

Proud of you both for trying something new! ❤️🥳


AstonianSoldier t1_ja7i3dp wrote

So where do you two stand? Are you still planning to go pay to him some sex worker give you a lap dance or is this issue settled and closed?


brattywafatty t1_ja9d8hv wrote

Why can't you both go get one that you both enjoy? And it not be a jealousy issue???


pckldpr t1_jaa80gk wrote

Actually I think you just found out your bf is gay. What man doesn't enjoy a lap dance?


hljoorbrandr t1_ja8oyf4 wrote

Both of you go to the strip club and get dances. Goodness it’s just fun not sex


jonny24eh t1_ja8rvlf wrote

Even if it is sex, it's just sex


hljoorbrandr t1_ja8suks wrote

I mean I agree but not everyone can accept casual sex or intimacy


Sterling-Marksman t1_ja9478r wrote

>he told me he got a lap dance but didnt enjoy it.

>if he got to enjoy one i want to enjoy one too!

Are you stupid


bubba7557 t1_ja8ck2n wrote

The number of posts in this sub lately with low key and blatant sex work shaming suggests to me this sub is filled with little kids these days. Your tifu's is more looking down your noses at sex work then anything else.


SlabOmir t1_ja8mw9m wrote

You got what you deserve, your boyfriend told you he went to a strip club and DIDN'T enjoy the lap dance, so you told him you want to go to a strip club and get a lap dance. You're weird.


Mary_9 t1_ja80epx wrote

I don't know. Him crushing you like that when he didn't need to, sounds more like he was trying to passive aggressively punish you for asking about it. I would question what else he does to keep you in line.


nadzicle t1_ja7gyp1 wrote

  • deleted my original first paragraph because it was kind of dicky -

Can someone explain the downvotes on the valid comments (imo) about him being insecure? And I mean someone who did the downvoting because we can make assumptions about whoever’s downvoted as also being insecure but it doesn’t really give me their line of thinking. I’m kinda confused/curious and just would love to know.

It’s cute in a way that he thought he could just give you a lap dance and it would somehow work, but it’s also insecure of him in the sense of he doesn’t want some dude dancing on you. Idk if he actually said he was uncomfortable or anything, but I do wonder if it would have been fine if you’d said you wanted one from a woman. He could have handled the situation better for sure, but points for trying? I hope he apologised for knocking the air out of your lungs though, lol.


SeventyFootAnaconda t1_ja7xucs wrote

It's not insecure to not want your gf to get lap dances from random men. Ffs, what next, it's insecure for men to not want their partners to fuck other men?


lostmindz t1_ja7pu12 wrote

meh, sounds like they are both pretty insecure... OP here is the one who got all put out that this guy went to a strip club before he even met her 🙄


nadzicle t1_ja7thlr wrote

She said that it was a comment made in jest. I guess unless she decides to give us more context with his behaviour and her thoughts on it, we won’t know. Otherwise, yeah, both insecure.


SlabOmir t1_ja8n3hd wrote

Sounds like maybe you're too secure.


Eldryanyyy t1_ja7d8mo wrote

This isn’t equivalence in lap dances. He can’t brag about getting one then get offended when you want one without looking like a massive hypocrite.


Mafro_Man t1_ja7h0lg wrote

There's a huge bloody difference between getting a lap dace while you're single compared to when you're in a relationship.

Get your head straight, mate


Capable-Site-301 t1_ja7rr1q wrote

What's the difference? What exactly is the harm in a lap dance?


Mafro_Man t1_ja7t48j wrote

In what mental gymnastics world would you be fine with the idea of your partner getting sexually danced on by someone (that most likely will look far more attractive than you) of the opposite sex?

The harm is going against what ops partner wants, potentially causing a rift in their relationship.


Capable-Site-301 t1_ja7te8x wrote

I'm completely fine with my wife getting a lap dance. It doesn't hurt anyone and she enjoys it. In fact, I watched her get one once.

All in good fun.


Achadel t1_ja7pbtg wrote

Saying you got one before the relationship and didn’t even enjoy is a far cry from bragging about something. What even is there to brag about with a lapdance? The stripper is literally just doing her job, its like bragging about going through the checkout line.


eggerrj87 t1_ja6w18g wrote

Your dude needs to not be so insecure. If it's ok for him to go to a strip club, it's ok for you to go see Thunder From Down Under or Chippendales. Both of which are a lot tamer than what goes on in most strip joints aimed at males.


nuadusp t1_ja6xkkh wrote

i mean it was before they met, so how is he being insecure? doing something before you date isn't the same as when you are with someone


minitaba t1_ja6yfai wrote

Also she wants a lapdance, not watch a movie