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BitterBloodedDemon t1_jacwrk4 wrote

Reply to comment by Odd_Ad_5639 in TIFU by cheating on my wife a second time by Odd_Ad_5639

You have better resources to provide right now, that says nothing for the future.

When my ex-husband and I split he had a job, and the credentials and potential for better ones. Due to the nature of the split he took our son with him.

I got my son back 6 months later. I was still unemployed and continued to be so for the following 9 months after I got him back.

It's now 10 years later. I'm a salaried employee, have had a stable income for the last 9 years. My son is well provided for, while my ex struggles to hold a job and who's situation is fluctuating regularly.

I won't say you can or can't save this. Odds are not in your favor though... you need therapy, just for starts. But the least you can do, for all the damage you've done, is NOT try to hurt your wife more by taking her child away.

MAYBE if you're amicable enough you can still salvage a relationship with your kid. Visits and stuff.

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Odd_Ad_5639 OP t1_jacxjk1 wrote

Wife will be overseas and living with parents who will be (rightly so) hostile. Visits are out of the question.

I’m glad your situation worked out. I am sure my wife could get a stable income but it won’t ever amount to enough to do more than just get by.

I hate that taking the daughter would hurt my wife even more but in my mind I’m doing it to give my daughter the best care for the future. I wish I could involve my wife as well but I screwed up way too much for that to happen.

I understand this is a selfish decision but I mean it for the welfare of my daughter

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OurMasterAM t1_jacz8wq wrote

I'm sorry bud, but... it isn't. From everything you've said, you're putting how you feel above what's best for her.

You want her to stay because you love her, and you feel like you can't live without her. Yes, you have money right now, but you've said that your wife is a better caretaker and has a closer bond to the child. If you were putting your daughter's needs before your feelings, you'd let her live with her mother, and provide financial support.

If the wife will be living with her parents, it's possible they can also help with raising the child. She won't be living alone in some dumpster, she'll have family that can care for her.

It's hard, but put your feelings aside. You can support financially and let her live with the more capable parent. It isn't a case of 'one or the other'.

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BitterBloodedDemon t1_jad44jx wrote

RETRACTED

u/OurMasterAM said, very eloquently, what needed said here.

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Odd_Ad_5639 OP t1_jad4ejk wrote

I guess not. I would do anything to take back the stupid decisions I made but I can’t.

The best I can do is provide the best environment for my daughter going forward. I think that is in my country, and not my wife’s

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