QuercusSambucus t1_j9uwstu wrote
Where's the FU? Seems like you were spot on.
Rekno2005 OP t1_j9v6hv2 wrote
I stand by my recommendation, but I wonder if I should have been more... aware of her personality, recognizing the very real possibility that she would react poorly.
Also, they way she sees it, she was always there for me - but the one time she asked for advice, my response was "go get therapy." I can see how she would feel slighted.
lucidrevolution t1_j9vj1mw wrote
Your friend sounds like it's possible they have something that is complicating their mood stability and feeding into unhealthy coping mechanisms... probably something like Borderline Personality Disorder, and I offer that only because the OP's description is freakishly similar to a close friend who had that Dx and when she was sometimes unable to afford her medication, she quickly spiralled into her own personal doom. Same meltdowns, "my life is over" sort of stuff all the time... constantly in a state of imminent abandonment and overall chaos... Dated the worst types of guys who were never going to treat her properly or allow her to be herself fully... so it was just constant fighting and conflict.
Since then I also went back to school for psych and so I got a lot of useful education that helped me understand how much of what she was doing was really not within her ability to avoid doing. So no, OP, you did not FU here. Your friend needs help, regardless of what the formal Dx would be... as her behavior is not indicating she's in a good place and she's engaging in some degree of self-harm even if it's just financially.
My friend is doing great now, btw. Found a very kind partner, got married, had a kid... once she got herself back on track and the right meds/therapy. Assuming there is a legit psych reason for her unstable behavior... there IS hope things will sort themselves out.
If your friend gets themselves under the care of someone who can help them see they are not living their best life by allowing their dysfunction to rule their chance at happiness... then a lot of the other stuff should fade into yesterday and leave room for a much more stable tomorrow.
LaHawks t1_j9v8h8f wrote
As someone who has had the word "therapy" thrown at me by somebody who I thought was a friend and who had 0 idea how hard it is to find a decent therapist, you could not have done much worse. Women don't want a man to solve their problems, they want them to listen.
GrimsonMask t1_j9vcfyb wrote
The difficulties of finding a decent therapist doesn't not cancel the fact that you may need therapy..
Seeing a therapist doesn't mean you are crazy.
You just rejected a friend that wanted to help you.
« Women don't want a man to solve their problems, they want them to listen.»
Why not both?
Lowflyin t1_j9vdqms wrote
You sound like you need therapy..
emptybottleofdoom t1_j9vfr83 wrote
I probably need therapy. I also need someone to complain to.
mook1178 t1_j9viawd wrote
therapists are good for complaining to
emptybottleofdoom t1_j9vlei2 wrote
People are seriously downvoting me making two "I" statements? That says a lot more about them than it does about me.
DrDiddle t1_j9vd04p wrote
Dysfunctional women just want to rant at you and not hear any actual advice or feedback. That’s not all women.
Quantum-Reee t1_j9vefih wrote
I truly don’t understand that. I don’t understand why a person would explain there problems and then not want help or the answer to there problems. It just doesn’t make any sense.
LaHawks t1_j9vfb4e wrote
Have you ever heard how programmers use rubber ducks? When they come to a standstill with a coding problem, they explain the code line by line to the duck. By doing this, they usually find their mistake in the code and are able to rectify it.
Same concept.
DragonfruitOk6901 t1_j9vjt73 wrote
Find a rubber duck then.
Quit dumping your life story/trauma onto others who are openly ill-equipped to handle your shit, then consider them unfriendly for saying so. Friends can support you without being a pillar for you to lean on and use, and it's not everybody else's job to process things for you, that's why people get paid to do it.
emptybottleofdoom t1_j9vfmyd wrote
Hm, I was about to throw out something about the wanting to listen bit, but seeing that, maybe not...
She_Plays t1_j9vdf88 wrote
I'm not sure why you're getting downvoted - if someone is coming to you to offload/release mental pressure, you should always ask if they want an ear or advice. Although, if a man could solve my problems and I wanted advice I'd be down to listen lol.
Ashwagandalf t1_j9ves09 wrote
You're being downvoted because Reddit, but yes, there's something incredibly lazy and cruel (not to mention antithetical to therapy, which it waters down to the point of meaninglessness) about the blunt-force way therapy-speak is wielded in the TikTok era.
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