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starwhal3000 t1_j9edj6z wrote

Reply to comment by Bee-Banana in Tifu by deleting my boyfriends pokemon scarlet saves by Bee-Banana

I think you're looking for an excuse. If you could handle sharing a Switch and having two accounts before, why can you suddenly not stand for him to have an account on the second Switch? Asking people to understand autism is one thing, blaming autism for being an asshole is another.

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Bee-Banana OP t1_j9ee3cd wrote

I bought the switch for him and only made a profile on it to play one game, then it was his. I then bought one for myself FOR HIM for the sake of playing games together. I was upset because a change happened that I wasn't prepared for. I don't process change well. That's why I'm saying you do not understand autism. I never said what I didn't wasn't shitty But I never ever ever did it with malice and if I at all knew he had his game data on that switch, I would not have done it. I didn't even know how. My friend showed me. You think this is some twisted "I'll show him hahaha" but it was literally me reacting in discomfort wondering why my system wasn't the way I left it and looking for a quick fix to the painful itching feeling I got in my body over it.

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starwhal3000 t1_j9efinp wrote

No, I don't think it's a twisted "I'll show him hahaha", I think it's a "Why does he have an account on my Switch? Help me get rid of it, now." Which still makes it a selfish and petty act that led to a massive FU. Autism makes you have the reaction to the stimulus but you still chose what you were going to do next, you made the choice to delete it without speaking to him after assuming he was the one being thoughtless. You're blaming autism for your choice to be an asshole. Being frustrated and bothered by your boyfriend having a profile on your Switch was something you can't control, deleting his profile was a choice though.

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Bee-Banana OP t1_j9efly3 wrote

It was also a mistake And the overall consequence was an accident

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starwhal3000 t1_j9efr29 wrote

It wasn't a mistake though, you intentionally deleted a profile because you wanted it gone. It was an asshole move to delete it even if it was your Switch, considering you still have a profile on his.

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Bee-Banana OP t1_j9efvh1 wrote

A mistake is an action, decision or judgment that produces an unwanted or unintentional result. Be definition, I made a mistake.

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starwhal3000 t1_j9egut6 wrote

It was a selfish choice that led to a mistake. I'm sorry you suffer from autism and it causes those feelings, but you chose to delete that profile... and that's why I said it isn't right to blame autism for asshole choices. Autism put you in a bad place and that cannot be controlled, but what you chose to do there is on you. You're 27... gif

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Bee-Banana OP t1_j9eimdi wrote

I never once said that nothing was on me, infact in my post I definitely put full blame on myself and angry at what I did.

You continue to ask how I didn't think, and I sat there for the entire day asking myself that same question. But you're going about this as if I had malice, which is inaccurate information that makes me feel very uncomfortable.

I would never do anything to hurt him, and if I did remove his account from my switch, I know that action would not hurt him. I know him. I even asked him.

But ultimately, he has calmed down now. He knows I had no Mal intent and was glad I recovered all other game data but is disappointed in our game loss. He is still adamant about not playing anymore, which is what makes me sad, as I said in my post was a major bonding experience for us. We both grew up loving the games.

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Bee-Banana OP t1_j9ei3qe wrote

So, what I said is still correct though. I still made a mistake And the consequence was accidental. By telling me I did not make a mistake, I made a choice, you're implying that a mistake is not an action, but it is. You can't make a mistake without a choice.

An accident is not a choice I didn't mean to delete his data off his switch because I was unaware it was his.

I'm not denying the choice

I'm sad because I made a bad choice: a mistake And the consequence was accidentally deleting his game data, which made him angry.

He would not be angry if i genuinely deleted his profile off of my own switch, because that would not matter to him. He was angry that he lost progress on a game we played online together and bonded over, which ultimately hurts me too because I don't want to progress without him, as I only had fun with him.

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starwhal3000 t1_j9ejidn wrote

I can understand that, I was just meaning it comes across less of an accident when an inherently selfish conscious choice leads to an unintended consequence. I'm saying the choice to delete the profile immediately out of the discomfort and frustration is where you were the asshole. I have similar feelings about change and it leads to a lot of disagreements with my partner, but if one of those disagreements was born out of what feels like a spiteful act it'd be more difficult to get over.

He's more than likely not ending a relationship over this, it'd probably need to be a pattern of behaviour before it got that serious... or he was looking for a reason to leave. But in this situation, I'd want to know why you needed to delete the profile immediately, as it affects nothing considering yours has never affected his Switch, instead of just playing with your friends on your profile until you could speak to him about why he would make changes without discussing it with you since it's a known issue. how to delete a profile.

But this entire engagement was due to me saying you deleting the profile was thoughtless and spiteful. If change were the issue, not having 2 profiles on your Switch after 2 years would've been uncomfortable, but you never created a second profile for your Switch... but the moment you see 2 profiles you're immediately compelled to learn how to delete it. That indicates something more than change bothered you.

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ETA I'm glad it worked out for the most part. Autism affects you in unexpected ways sometimes, but you can't blame autism for conscious reactions. You knew you were deleting a profile. This was a situation where you just didn't pay attention during a kneejerk reaction.

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Bee-Banana OP t1_j9ekxlo wrote

I would also like to point out that I never mentioned my autism to him when I called and told him. I 100% spent the entire conversation apologizing and taking full ownership, and trying to see if I could fix it. Autism was mentioned in this post for context.

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starwhal3000 t1_j9elu2p wrote

Fair enough, I just hate seeing autism blamed for so much. It's the new ADD, many are on the spectrum and self diagnosing. So as I said many messages ago, there's no explanation needed... it was a careless act born out of a selfish need to appease a feeling, because the profile existing was ultimately inconsequential... unlike missing scissors. You acknowledge this, it sucks, and life goes on.

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Bee-Banana OP t1_j9ek0lo wrote

This is a lack of understanding of autism.

I get frustrated by inconsistencies If I always but scissors in one spot, and I go to find them and they're not there, it means someone besides me moved them and I won't be able to complete a task in full.

If my boyfriend watches a zombie show on my Netflix profile instead of his profile (because we share a sub) then that means my algorithm is going to change into something I don't like, and that will stress me out.

I think you're implying that I don't like sharing, which is also a major autism trait, and is correct. But it isn't a matter of selfishness. I would rather purchase someone the exact same thing I own than have them use/eat/have my thing/food/item. Selfishness would be "you don't get this at all". Autism is "I want you to also enjoy this so here it is, for you, but this is mine because It needs to be the way I structure it, okay? But you do whatever you want to yours."

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starwhal3000 t1_j9ektac wrote

No I understand that, I'm saying you're blaming your inability to pay attention to what you're doing (the fact you didn't double check before deleting a profile) on autism and that should be embarrassing for you and anyone else suffering from autism who puts thought into their reactions from stimuli. The idea of 'selfishness' comes from you needing it gone before you can continue playing with your 2 visiting friends, and can't even spare a second thought.

Autism made you uncomfortable and frustrated with it being there, but being an asshole made you thoughtlessly delete it without double checking. I've said I understand why you were put off by seeing it there, and I've said why I thought you were thoughtless and reacted out of that anger/frustration... you're just not understanding.

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