How old are you? You sound like a teenager. What you can do is accept that you have been needy, selfish, controlling and self-centered. That's where jealousy comes from. You need to accept her decision to take a break with a good attitude, and try to grow up a little. When you see her again, do not dump all your notes on her. You hurt her. So now you focus on her and put her feelings first. You don't pester her. You make a single sincere apology, and then let things be about her.