Submitted by Suitable-Ad5060 t3_117ig1u in tifu

My husband and I (both 30s) decided it would be fun to take our crotch goblins to the beach for the weekend. All weekend the tide was too high and we had some seriously pissed off kids who desperately wanted to make sandcastles. On the last day of our little trip, we finally got lucky enough to make it before the tide rose. Hooray!

So, we spent 30 minutes unpacking all the crap you have to take to the beach when you have a horde of kids all under 7. Not to mention getting everyone ready to go. Wagon loaded down with buckets, towels, shovels, sunscreen, kid chairs, umbrella, and half of the damn house, we finally made our way to the sand. We had to climb down some stairs to get to the actual beach. Fun with a wagon.

It was obvious the tide was starting to rise but we assumed we’d have at least an hour or 2 to play and stress out about the youngest trying to eat sand. As the kiddos played, we occasionally had to keep backing up our stuff. No big deal. The area where we were was getting smaller but we still had plenty of sand.

All of a sudden, we could hear 2 older ladies yelling. We ignore it for a while. I thought maybe it was a Karen in the wild or something. Until my husband looked up and realized they were yelling at us. They kept screaming how we were going to d!e and we were in extreme danger. What the …? Then we stand and look over and realize that the tide was much higher by the steps than by us. You couldn’t tell unless you stood up and really scanned it.

So, we were slowly becoming stranded on our slowly sinking little island. Great. We put everything up and headed back to the steps. I’m becoming very aware of all the people looking at us and judging us as the dumbasses we clearly were. The water was up to ankle deep at the steps which wouldn’t have been a problem except our 2 oldest kids stepped on some rocks which is very unpleasant with salt water and they screamed.

So, if any pedestrians were unaware of our stupidity before, then they would be very aware now. With the eyes of every nosey person on us, we treaded up the stairs with two screaming kids and one trying to shove a fistful of hidden sand in their mouth.

We desperately rush to the public outdoor showers. And no water. At all. Not a damn drop. Are you freaking kidding me?! We rushed back to the car like a sandy crying parade of crushed beach dreams. I tend to the kids while husband is running around putting our crap back up. They had small scratches on their feet, but were fine thankfully. We gave them each small showers with water bottles and got them as clean as we could.

They then insisted on playing at the playground by the beach. Husband and I, being the gluttons for punishment that we are, agreed. Not wanting our trip to end on a sour note.

They had fun playing on the swings and slide for a while until the bugs from hell came: sand gnats. They swarmed everywhere, biting everyone. We rush back to the car, but the sand gnats were in the car now too! Little bastards! We jumped in and peeled out of there. Had to leave the windows open while we swatted to keep the bug vampires out.

It was at this time, our oldest started crying because it smelled so bad in the back seat. Yep, youngest had an explosive diaper. We changed youngest , but had nowhere to put the diaper, except back in the car.

So, we drove home with sandy cracks, scratched up feet, bug bites, and a car that smelled like pure crap.

I’m hoping one day we can laugh about this.

TLDR: we went to the beach and made a series of bad choices.

Edit: Yes, we did look at an online tide chart. We checked before we went because we wanted to be sure we’d get beach time. The other times we weren’t able to make it in time. It was supposed to be low tide for another few hours. However, we forgot to factor in that at this particular beach, it’s lower (hence the stairs) than most beaches we go to. Which is another way TIFU.

Edit 2: Guys, I exaggerated a bit with how much stuff we brought. It felt like that much though. Lol. We did have a wagon and did use it to carry our beach stuff in it, but we also used it to pull youngest kiddo. We didn’t really bring “half the damn house”. I didn’t think anyone would take that part seriously. We definitely brought too much though. However, when you’re the leader of a small human army, you have to be prepared. Lol.



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MercurialMal t1_j9c7ajg wrote

Taking a gander at a tide chart would have saved y’all some heartache. I’ve lived near the coast for a lot of years and something I’ve never understood is why people pack up everything and the kitchen sink to go to the beach for an hour, two at the most.

Apply sunscreen at the car. Have each kid carry their own towel and toy. Mom and dad carry an umbrella, their own towels, and a jug of water. Done. Makes it far less of a hassle and you can easily make multiple trips back out in a day. Mid morning and late afternoon.


meontheinternetxx t1_j9cj9ua wrote

If you're already staying/living reasonably close to the beach, you can even apply sunscreen at home/the hotel. I always prefer this over a sandy beach or a hot busy parking lot, if it's possible.

Of course, you may still have to reapply after swimming, it is what it is


shotathewitch t1_j9en23g wrote

I agree. A wagon full of stuff is too much stuff for the beach. Just the basics, and especially if you have small children, don't stay all day long. It's way less of a headache because by the time you leave, everybody is grumpy from being over exhausted, hot, and sticky. Plus, as we just read, you still have all this stuff to drag back to your vehicle. That's the thing that gets me. If it's a hassle to get all that stuff unloaded and out to where you decide is a good spot, it's always going to be much worse hauling it all back. I get the showers not working and causing big frustration. That was out of OP's control. I've had that happen once, and that was ridiculously frustrating. Hopefully, this trip will be a learning experience for them, so next time, it won't be quite as bad. Big difference when it's a lighter load.


Moist_Board t1_j9c3s95 wrote

I’m hoping one day we can laugh about this.

Don't worry, I'm laughing about it right now XDD


imakenosensetopeople t1_j9c22jw wrote

Isn’t the beach great?

Edit - I ask because most of my experiences are more like yours. I can’t wrap my head around how people manage to go and relax or have fun.


MercurialMal t1_j9c8k1k wrote

Super easy. Step 1) You’re there for an hour, two at the very most. Period. Step 2) Take out only what you can carry in a single bag/tote; if it’s a large family, two totes. Most of the garbage you think you need you really do not. The beach isn’t a place you want to spend half a day at for the obvious reasons.


Leoimirmir t1_j9ctzv2 wrote

My parents don’t seem to understand this and seem to think it’s reasonable to spend 3 days at the beach doing the exact same thing; just sitting there in the shade. It’s hell


Tdeyo332 t1_j9d3oaz wrote

Stories like this make me forever grateful that my wife doesn't want children


PM_ME_A_PLANE_TICKET t1_j9c0pm5 wrote

Reddit is really annoying with new lines. You either need to add two spaces to the end of the previous line.
and then make a new line like this, which is what it looks like you were going for throughout the body,


two new lines like you did before the tldr and like this.

Otherwise you end up with the wall of text like you got :(


Suitable-Ad5060 OP t1_j9c2c7w wrote

I know. I didn’t realize it didn’t divide up my paragraphs at first. I think I fixed it now. Makes it a lot easier to read and follow.


toodlesandpoodles t1_j9d5n0n wrote

Do you not know how tides work? The tide cannot be high all weekend long. Did you keep checking at about the same time each day and never consult a tide table?

I guess the positive part is that your kids are porbably not going to be in a hurry to go back, saving you the hassle.


lutiana t1_j9d31qu wrote

I've seen fishermen get stranded on rocks because they did not keep track of the tides. They either had to jump in and swim (very dangerous around rocks like that) or wait 12 hours for the tide to drop. They chose swimming. Thankfully no one was harmed, but it was really hairy for a bit.

Tide charts are your friend when visiting the beach and ocean.


queenofcaffeine76 t1_j9df8my wrote

First time in thirty years I found another reason to dislike the beach


Direct-Estate-5995 t1_j9dmc5i wrote

I’ve always thought parents calling their OWN kids crotch goblins is a bit strange.