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Turbulent-Grade-3559 t1_j9nld1s wrote

It sounds like you are on a bit of a journey and you have some work to do on you. You will probably have to let her go, that's a hard lesson but one you will carry with you to the next relationship you are in.


[deleted] OP t1_j9nlm7w wrote

I can’t, she’s been amazing this entire time I just didn’t realize it. She’s the perfect girl, she understands me and has every characteristic of wifey material, she perfect and I actually mean it, I’ve seen messed up relationships. I don’t want to throw it away.


Turbulent-Grade-3559 t1_j9nrv04 wrote

She is also a human being with her own heart, mind, soul, desires. You need to respect that. If she takes you back. Great. I'm happy for you. If not, you gotta respect her and move on


[deleted] OP t1_j9oqpm3 wrote

I understand, I made this post only including my fuck ups. But truly this is part of the reason she broke up with me. Time is another factor, and she blames herself for that. I just want to work on myself in the mean while, while showing I still want to be there for her.


Turbulent-Grade-3559 t1_j9p0kob wrote

Mate, I can't tell you what to do but I wish you luck. I hope you can treat her properly with the respect she deserves as a person. It's very painful right now and I understand that. Work on you. Grow. I know you can do it


Colton_Omega t1_j9qj93o wrote

She was the perfect woman for you, you were far from the perfect boy for her. You can’t say that you “can’t” let her go because it’s not your choice. If she is done with you then she is done. You need to work on yourself as others have said, if you aren’t a teenager it’s probably worth looking into some type of program for sex addicts because you are borderline obsessive with your desires so much so that you are getting angry for two hours when you only fuck twice a month. It’s certainly not ideal but you are either a teen or you have a problem. It’s your actions that probably made sex less desirable for her, seeing how much importance you put on sex she likely felt like an object and seeing you throw a tantrum didn’t help either. Sex is great, but you can’t have a solid relationship built on just that and sometimes with work schedules, kids, and just life you don’t get to have it as often as you would like and if that’s enough for you to throw away your “perfect person” then that is entirely a you thing that you need to work on. I think a lot of us at one time or another felt we had the one that got away. Eventually you’ll find the right fit so long as you do the work on yourself to attract the woman that actually completes you. Coming from someone that was once a hormonal sex crazed teen that thought sex was the most important thing on the planet, lost the love of my life (at that time) only to realize with a lot of growing up, therapy, and work on myself that that relationship was far from an adult relationship. I have now found my person and the future mother of my children and I love her dearly and on a deeper level than I could even have fathomed at that time.


SeveralAd2137 t1_j9ql53t wrote

This sounds like being codependent. I get it I’ve been there and done that. You’ll meet plenty and I mean plenty of other people you like just as much I promise you. She isn’t the only girl in the world man, I can assure you there’s plenty. I completely get where you’re coming from, your story seems to have many parallels to my own and I promise you it gets better.


[deleted] OP t1_j9qocy4 wrote

It’s hard when your goals were aligned, having so much in common, having the same interests, same humor, same mannerisms, same thinking. I’m just implying that there’s much more to what I’ve said. I didn’t throw the word soulmate out there just to make the situation more dramatic… although you guys believe me or not, she was and still is my soulmate, we have so much more in common. I just think if she walks away I’ll lose her forever. We understood each other. And I talked to her family. They told me to be persistent because they think she did it out of impulse. They said she’ll be back in a month or two.


monadyne t1_j9p6lqd wrote

You don't love her, OP. You love yourself. You don't listen to what she says. You don't respect what she says. When she says she doesn't want to be with you right now, you're like a relentless bulldozer that bashes right over anything she says-- to push what you want. Why is she the perfect wifey material? Because how she makes =you= feel. It's always about YOU, OP.

She says she doesn't want to be friends. You say, "But I need you to be friends with me, because of what you do for me. So we will stay friends, regardless of what you say and how you feel."


That's not love.


[deleted] OP t1_j9pjz6h wrote

I don’t love myself, I’m far from that. Your right i am going against her wishes, but we always agreed to fight for the relationship no matter what. I’m only saying my faults and why the relationship ended. It was her idea to stay friends.


echotexas t1_j9py7e1 wrote

Maybe in the past you agreed to fight for your relationship, but has she said she still wants to do that now?

Here's my advice.

My friend, you need to listen to the others or you're just going to make it even worse. Read your own post again.

Realize what you wrote isn't about your love for her, it's about how YOU miss all the ways she makes YOU feel better.

Take note of how you even begged her to stay friends so YOU can hug her when YOU have a bad day.

Really think about how your entire relationship as described here was about the sexual services you expected her to provide to YOU.

Everything youve said makes her sound like an object or service you just enjoy having around for emotional support rather than a living breathing person with her own feelings. You don't even mention how she felt about everything. Did you ever ask her how she felt?

I know it's difficult and you're emotional about it all but pack it up and think long and hard about this because this should be a serious wake up call for you. Honestly it sounds like she escaped a pretty shitty situation by getting out.

Listen when your ex says she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Hear the reasons why and, since you are so important to yourself, change for yourself or you're probably going to lose a lot more than a girlfriend over the years.

This is written a little more bluntly than I normally would because you said you're asking for real advice but seem to have a hard time accepting it. So here it is, rough and ready, to the point.

Good luck with the therapy. Remember it can take a while to find the perfect fit, so take your time and don't let it discourage you if the first therapist doesn't feel right. You deserve to learn, grow, and be better. Sending positive vibes.


[deleted] OP t1_j9q4fml wrote

The sole point of this post was to talk about how I messed up, I chose not to include her part. She also believes it’s her fault. She thinks Im the right person, so I just don’t want to give up that thought. I would always ask her if anything was wrong, she didn’t want to tell me. Im giving her space, I’ll ask about all the wrong doings I did when she comes and drops off my things. Thank you for being honest :)


echotexas t1_j9q62u8 wrote

That's good, I'm glad to hear that cus if all you say is 'i pressured her for sex she didn't want for a year and then she left me and said she doesn't want to see me for months but i need her' it's gonna shine an ugly light on you by leaving out a lot of important context.

But more importantly DONT start that conversation when she comes to drop off her things, it could make her feel trapped and pressured because she's on your home turf.

Maybe things are different than described but at this time it sounds like she needs time to think and it might feel like an ambush if she hasn't had enough time yet. Just take the stuff, be respectful, and wish her a nice day. Let her go.

If she brings it up, cool, have the talk. But if not then just let her leave without putting that on her, and let her get in touch via phone at a later date. If what you said about her wanting to fight for the relationship is true, she will initiate that conversation when she's ready. For now, your fight is to give her space to grow while you do the same. Godspeed my dude. Wishing you both the best.


[deleted] OP t1_j9q6yfl wrote

Yea I would never pressure her to have sex, let’s just say she has a reason to feel the way she does about sex. It was always her decision entirely. Yea I thought about texting her today because there was a lot that was unsaid. But I’m not going to. Thank you again


xXxWarspite t1_j9ogczh wrote

Sorry you feel this way bud. But this sounds to me like the beginning of you working on yourself. You treated her poorly and there’s a reason for that, it’s up to you to find out what it is and fix it. If you don’t you’ll just keep repeating this cycle over and over. It’s also extremely unfair of you to stake your happiness on her. Being the sole reason for someone else’s happiness isn’t as cute and romantic as people think. It puts a lot of unjust pressure on her and you owe it to her and any future relationships to at least be able to be happy on your own


[deleted] OP t1_j9opsc0 wrote

I know it isn’t, that’s why I’m seeking therapy, the only hope I have is because she said I was the right person. I want to heal and find happiness in other things, but it’s hard when the only way I found happiness was with her.


xXxWarspite t1_j9osu3u wrote

I know man. I was in a relationship that I was kind of dependent on her for my happiness. I realized how fucked up it was of me to force her into that role whether I meant to or not. Trust me, it’s better to love someone after you’ve healed yourself


[deleted] OP t1_j9ov34h wrote

I only told my fuck ups in the story to get advice on what I can do better next time if there is one. Did you get back together with her at all ?


xXxWarspite t1_j9owssm wrote

Well my story doesn’t have a happy ending I’m afraid. We stayed together but she ended up cheating on me. Now I’m not at all saying that’s how yours will end. But you do have to understand that the things that you, just like me, did and said to them hurt them more than we will probably ever know and there’s a chance the wounds that we inflicted on them may never fully heal. All we can really do is learn from our past, fix our mistakes, and better ourselves. We have to be better than we were. The sad truth is, you may never get her back and if you do she may never truly trust you again. But whether you and her work out or not, you’ll be a better man and at the end of the day improving ourselves and learning from our past is all we can really do


Vast_Reflection t1_j9pi9ik wrote

Yeah I was with someone whose only happiness came from me. It ended with us breaking up. We’re friendly now but I know the second I find someone else things are going to go haywire because he never got over me. That’s not romantic. It’s really hard for both of us.


Darktyde t1_j9pqgvd wrote

It sounds like you’re still in high school, and your wild and super strong feelings are natural for that age. But you have to realize that you said things that really hurt her, you’ve revealed a side of yourself that she doesn’t like, and you NEED to give her room to heal. AND YOU need time to heal as well. In a month or two, you guys might feel well enough to try being friends again, but for now the worst thing you could do would be to keep pestering and begging her.

Consciously divert your thoughts from her anytime they wander there. You can control what you spend your time thinking about, and thus influence how long it takes you to heal. Good luck.


Next-Kaleidoscope753 t1_j9qtorx wrote

You sound like a future stalker. She doesn’t want you anymore, move on. Get help if you can’t.


GsTSaien t1_j9qeemu wrote

Yikes man. Get help.


theedonnmegga t1_j9qj967 wrote

Sounds like you’re very young and are inexperienced in not just relationships but also dealing with your own feelings. It’s hard for a person to love you when you don’t love yourself. Sex is great but you can’t base an entire relationship off your sexual expectations. If your partner isn’t feeling the same sex drive you can’t just argue or pressure your way into getting what you want.

I would suggest seeing the therapist you talked about and maybe trying to meet more people. You can get her the gift if you want but don’t expect anything out of it other than your own satisfaction. Learn to be comfortable with yourself and others will be comfortable with you. Never make your own happiness and well being dependent on someone else or what they do for you. Good luck.