TIFU by sleeping in my car instead of going to school.

Submitted by Resident_Advance_116 t3_118adtd in tifu

I have clinical depression and even though I have medicines for it sometimes I just feel down and want to stop existing for a minute. My best friend died 2 years ago and my father died 3 years ago and I just feel alone since they were the most important people in my lives.

My bf (m27) has been with my for 4 years and we currently live together. Im finishing my studies in Economics and work half time. Today I was supposed to go to clases but I was really down, I have anxiety and I dont always feel understood by my bf because he doesnt know how does it feel and he is the type of person that works ALL day to feel productive and in some way gets mad if I am not putting by best effort on my classes or work. So instead of staying home and have him lecture me,since I already missed classes all last week, I decided to get in the car and park near home and just be by myself and think

Well as I was sleeping in the car my bf knock on my door since he was walking our dog (a corgi) and saw me. He just get pissed and leave. I tried to explain when I come back home but he just asked me space. I know he hates lies and I really think he will never trust me again. I just feel like I cant share all my burden with him and so I dont tell him, but with this I think I just lost the one person I have left

I really tried to explain and apologize and in the same way tell him that I sometimes dont feel confortable telling him that I just cant live sometimes. He is not talking to me, and now Im just in my closet feeling like shit and hoping that I can just disappear.

TL;DR TIFU by telling my bf I was going to school and instead I park near by and sleep. He saw me and know I think he will never trust me again

UPDATE:

Hi everyone, thank you for your comments and virtual hugs. It really help calm myself down and just breath and have the strength to deal with the situation. It really made me happy to see that people also deal with this type of situation and to read how different people deal with it.

A few hours after I posted my bf came to talk to me, as some people mention he really just needed time to think and try to understand. He really just dont know how to help me and he was scared that I was still this depressed since the last 4 months I was progressing really good. We talked and hug and he apologize if he made me feel like I couldnt talk to him or like I was alone. I apologize for lying and promise to just try to be more honest. We talk alot more but that was the gist of it.

I talked with my therapist and she will start seeing me more often again. Tomorrow my bf will come with me to school not to pressure me or to take me there but just to be there in the car with me and be my support to whatever I want to do, and if I want to sleep in the car he would sleep with me.

So everything is fine, I think my anxiety just made me spiral.

Again thanks everyone for your comments. I hope that all of you are doing fine.

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Comments

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indiana-floridian t1_j9fy895 wrote

Are you in therapy? If not, you need to. If you are, call your therapist.

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Resident_Advance_116 OP t1_j9fys8l wrote

Yes, Im in therapy and I have been for a year but Im still a work in progress, so sometimes life is too much for me.

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indiana-floridian t1_j9fz9y3 wrote

This is something major this week, for you to be hiding in your car. Couple that with upset partner, you may need help.

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Kavvai t1_j9kg6s1 wrote

Is.. hiding in my car major? sorry not trying to 1-up here but my therapist doesn't care..? or we're just focusing on other things idk I'm feeling dumb now bye

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lunas2525 t1_j9hhnau wrote

Perhaps it is time your boyfirend attends therapy with you. It would be a gesture of inclusion at least. And yes this car incident was not a good thing missing a full week as well.

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lunas2525 t1_j9ibpz8 wrote

I will also mention the desire to just dissappear that is more substantial than you are letting on. That is basically suicidal thoughts.

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rillian118 t1_j9g8ki7 wrote

I did essentially the same thing when I was in college many years ago. I didn't realize I had fallen into depression and it was rough to pull myself out of that.

I second that you should reach out to your therapist about it, but I'm worried that your partner isn't sympathetic regarding your depression. If he doesn't respect it, he isn't respecting you and there is no world where I can see him understanding or respecting your needs if he's holding you to his bizarre standard of productivity.

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chaosmetroid t1_j9ggu3b wrote

No offense OP.

Your BF might not be helpful. My GF goes through depression and I try my best to give her my all to help her and support her.

If she would have told me she took a sleep in the car instead of going to school. I would probably join her so she doesn't have to be alone.

Maybe instead of going to school we get food.

I learn it's best to show someone isn't alone and they are loved and cared for.

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SweetCosmicPope t1_j9hlwsu wrote

Okay, so while not the exact situation, I had a similar situation to you when I was in my late teens/early 20s.

I was dating a girl who was a very high achiever. Constantly working hard for school, got into an excellent college, volunteered a lot, etc; Me...failure to launch. I went to college briefly, but I was having a hard time finding my place in the world. I wasn't sure about who I was and what I wanted to do, and I really didn't have things figured out for some time after that. A major stressor in our relationship was this quarterlife crisis (as they call it). I too couldn't bring myself to just say how I was feeling, how it was making me behave in regards to my future, how it caused me to start acting out by doing stupid shit with my friends instead of focusing on what I needed to and left me in the perpetually immature state for a while. Had I done so, maybe there would have been some better understanding between the two of us.

So, my advice to you is let him cool off a bit, then have a frank discussion. Tell him how you're feeling, how you feel out of control and depressed. If he's a good dude he'll understand, give you a shoulder to cry on, and be there to support you and help you get to where you need to be mentally. If he can't do that, then this is doomed anyway. Because it will never work out with somebody who can't be loving and supportive and give you a hand up when you need it.

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a_non_y_mous_user t1_j9i1b1p wrote

Can I ask how you got out of the rut? How did you figure out what you wanted to do with your life?

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SweetCosmicPope t1_j9i2yq5 wrote

Honestly, I just kind of floated around a bit. I got a stable job they paid well because my dad hooked me up. But I didn’t really start taking charge and being motivated until my son was born. Then I felt motivation to provide him a good life. I’ve been hustling ever since and I think I’ve done a pretty good job.

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RoastedHunter t1_j9gw59k wrote

I can't imagine reacting like this if I found my partner in this state. Your BF is fucking up here, not you

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Leofra31102 t1_j9izzqq wrote

You also have too think that maybe the boyfriend is working a lot and is also partially maintaining this girl, so walking the dog and seeing the girl you are maintaining sleeping in the car instead of studying and finishing for going to work, everyone would be a little pissed

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loganlovesyou t1_j9hdww0 wrote

I wouldn't say either of them are in the wrong. Been on both sides, and depression takes a lot of help to get through. At some point maybe bf has done everything he can think of and is at wits end? The answer is professional help in whatever form you can afford/handle. Just a good therapist to listen works wonders. For me the gym and therapy helped when I was a depressed alcoholic.

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phoenixstew t1_j9i7i64 wrote

Your BF may be feeling the same way but using over working to avoid feeling, it's what I was doing for 10 years.

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Theunpolitical t1_j9ik85n wrote

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just know that is perfectly okay to not have the motivation to do something. Depression and anxiety aside, we all do this and just don't always admit it. Admittedly, depression and anxiety can be a factor but I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. You are going to be okay. I'm rooting for you! {{virtual hugs}}

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idkwvr t1_j9hbuxj wrote

Your BF doesn't sound like the greatest instead of giving you lectures he needs to be more understanding about what you're going through and read up on depression and how to help people that have it cope with it

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KeyOutlandishness652 t1_j9hqeyk wrote

Ngl your boyfriend sounds toxic. I’m not saying dump him but if he can’t help ease you through the pain then it’s not really a worthy attribute for boyfriend/husband material. When I was going through the same thing my mum was the person I talked to aswell as a therapist they each told me to find something positive each day ik it sounds cliche but it helped ease me into coming out of my shell. I also think the inviting your bf to one of your therapy sessions could help so your therapist can show him the ways of helping you through this and if he isn’t up to do that for you I think you might need to revaluate what’s best for your health

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lunas2525 t1_j9id1yd wrote

I dissagree it sounds like he doesnt understand her issues she is down so much she wants to dissappear she only surfaces far enough to get to normal some times. She doesnt just need therapy she needs hard core grief counseling and more intense therapy and i am gonna say if she wants her bf to remain at her side he needs to be a part of helping her stay up and she needs to let him in and help too.

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SmokeCrib t1_j9ig967 wrote

Yea fair I was just saying if I couldn’t share my burdens with my partner because of the way they might act I wouldn’t want that relationship like she shouldn’t have to lie about not going to class if she doesn’t feel well mentally

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lunas2525 t1_j9ij0bz wrote

From what it sounded like what she is feeling and going through is so far outside his realm of comprehension he cant properly deal.

Which is why i keep suggest he attends a few sessions of therapy with her so he can be pulled back in informed and opened up to being shared with otherwise it sounds like this relationship is gonna split he caught her lying and it caused him to shut down and close off. If he cant deal and open back up and talk and deal then a split is likely and with that she is gonna crash down further than before and this time she may choose to actually dissappear...

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RandomRedditor44 t1_j9ij1aa wrote

I’m in the exact same situation here. I’m a senior in college, and Im finding it really hard to motivate myself to get my ass out of bed in the mornings and go to class (but I don’t skip class, I’m usually just like 30 minutes late).

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Producedinchina t1_j9iuz7l wrote

It’s a double edged sword, and it all comes down to how the situation shakes out. Like others have said, if your boyfriend doesn’t end up being understanding, sweetheart leave his ass where he stands. If he ends up being mature and actually listens and reacts responsibly, hear him out and at least let him say his piece AFTER you feel comfortable and are done sharing how YOU feel.

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QBaaLLzz t1_j9ixlac wrote

This post and account is sus, look at comment history and post history

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Spiersy_ t1_j9j4813 wrote

> I just feel like I cant share all my burden with him and so I dont tell him.

Unfortunately that's a big part of being in a relationship, you have to burden each other. Communication is essential. It is up to them whether they can deal or want to bail, can't make that decision for them.

Glad to hear you've resolved it in a very positive way. Sorry for all your losses, but you seem to have a pretty solid support system going. Just try not to be so hard on yourself, life isn't easy.

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5littlewhitevicodin t1_j9j6jep wrote

It sounds like whatever happened was the best thing and now you can both move forward with a fresher perspective.

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Surveymonkee t1_j9glyq9 wrote

You might want to consider getting checked for narcolepsy, it can aggravate or even be the cause of depression. If you're regularly nodding off without realizing it you may have it to some degree. It's a very underdiagnosed condition.

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SaintElmo54 t1_j9hqmk3 wrote

If this post was on AITA, everyone would tell you that you are NTA. I doubt if anyone would have anything nice to say about your boyfriend. He's making your life worse, not better.

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