Unsolicited advice: If he makes you happy and is supportive when you are going through stuff, think about why you are setting the boundary of needing space.

If you are doing it because you don’t have time to focus on the relationship, that might be fair but think about the joy you get from this person and weigh that against the stress of managing your time.

If you are doing it because you don’t want this guy to see you like this out of a sense of guilt or shame, you aren’t being fair to yourself or him. You should be honest about your concerns and with him rather than making a unilateral decision. Maybe he is happy to be around you too and wants to support you through these stressful times.

If he messaged you and is thinking of you he is probably open to an honest conversation. If you communicate your concerns and boundaries clearly you might be able to maintain a happy and healthy relationship with someone who wants to be supportive of you.

Some people love you at your best and at your worst! Let yourself be loved..

How do you know that he is just being nice? How do you know that it is over? Has he said so? If not, talk to him, you're both adults.

Just an opinion here, Grandpaw might be experiencing early dementia. Ppl can turn mean and have inexplicable behavior in the early stages. Good luck.

From your post I don't see anything that indicates that the guy is just being nice and is no longer interested in communicating with you. I would say the opposite... if he messaged you those things it seems like he wants to be supportive and is not scared off. Did you leave something out that indicated he isn't coming back?

Maybe you are projecting these feelings onto him since your grandpa pushed you away so you assume he would do the same. Seems like you are in a difficult headspace right now and need to take some to for yourself to figure things out. Seems like the guy is understanding of this so you haven't fucked anything up. Take the time you need, but you can still talk to him and just take it slow.

His concern very well could be sincere of him. I'd say to not overcomplicate it and explain your feelings and what happened and why to him, communicate clearly, and try trusting him - I know it must be incredibly hard when you're dealing with an abuser in your household. Let things bloom from there. Even if he pushes you away, at least you tried - And won't have to live with your feelings of "What could have been" forever.

I think he's just genuinely concerned for your well-being. I think your stress and anxiety are making you see a hidden meaning behind his words that are not actually there.

Try to stay in touch with him, if he ghosts you then it's over. But don't beat yourself up before that actually happens.

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Did you actually have an honest conversation with him about how you feel - about him and this current moment of your existence? If the answer is no, then from what I can read here you're assuming far too much about how he feels.

You may have omitted some details about how you "pushed him away" but from what you write, he's still reaching out and trying to stay connected with you. Identify what you know and what your anxiety is communicating. Be mindful about these voices. One serves you, the other one assumes and produces worst-case scenarios as absolute truths in order to protect you.

The voice of anxiety does not care about what's true, it cares about avoiding any potential risk and danger. It may have told you he's permanently gone just to make sure you never have to grieve losing a man again.

Take a deep breath.

Disengage mentally, just for a minute, with your family situation. Then, with clarity, think about this:

1. Has he actively or verbally informed you that he no longer wants to see you?
2. Shouldn't any sincere and healthy relationship be able to survive the disastrous moments of life?
3. Are you assuming that you know how he feels? Is your (very understandable) anxiety causing you to make these assumptions?
4. Are you pulling away out of fear that he truly sees you and all the mess you're in? Are you afraid to truly be seen?
5. Do you have to be perfect and in a perfect situation in order to be worthy of romantic love?

Once you make up your mind, take another minute to make an informed decision.

If you want him back, your course of action is easy and simple. You just have to tell him so. If he can't take that you're in a rough spot, trust me, he's not worth the effort. And if he rejects you for any other reason, you should still feel empowered because at least you found the courage to follow your heart, to speak honestly and show up for and honor your own emotions with action. That is powerful. Courage is powerful. And being courageous means putting yourself at risk.

If instead you realise you don't really want him back but you're just panicking that you've lost someone who supposedly is nice and you're beating yourself up about a lost opportunity, well... I'm sure I don't have to say more. :-)

In any case, the only thing that helps is to make a concerted effort and a decision to move forward. Either with or without him.

Unrelated but do you even know what TL;DR means?

So let him be nice.

Uu