-K_P- t1_j7q5bun wrote on February 8, 2023 at 4:56 PM

I know this is a place to vent and all, not so much a place for advice, but I gotta ask... Does your job offer any sort of mental health counseling? I'm not familiar with the way it works in the UK (which going by the mention of the NHS, I'm assuming is where you are), but I know some places here in the US will offer that and if you talk with the manager about the situation there may be some mitigation in that... like you may be able to get back into some type of therapy through them and it may help you keep your job, though obviously not consequence free. Most places aren't just going to fire you willy-nilly if the issue is mental health related, unless the issue was violent/a safety issue. Just putting that out there, and hoping for the best for you... I know what it's like to be so overwhelmed it comes out accidentally in the workplace. My support to you.

mrultratinytitch OP t1_j7q63zf wrote on February 8, 2023 at 5:01 PM

The main point of the meetings were about assisting with my mental health in the office. Making sure that I'm going in the right directions, the first thing that did come from it was using an occupational health for stress in the office. They called today just after posting this and I requested that we do it another day because I didn't have the capacity to deal with it.

The meeting with my manager tomorrow isn't to discuss a punishment but to allow her to step in and take the next steps. I don't think I'll be fired for this but I do feel that I shouldn't be in the team if this is how I'm acting however if I do get fired then I accept that because I did wrong

Edit: Sorry, I forgot to mention. Yeah, it's the UK in England specifically

-K_P- t1_j7q82oe wrote on February 8, 2023 at 5:14 PM

I admire your willingness to take responsibility for your actions, because yes, ultimately our mental health is our own responsibility. However, it also sounds like you are being extremely hard on yourself, which can also be a symptom of many depressive disorders. It sounds like your manager is being very understanding of the situation, and from the way you have described what happened this was something that would have made A LOT of people snap. Please don't come down on yourself harder than you need to. Give yourself a chance to right this - go to the meeting and talk about it. Be honest and open, and listen to what the team has to say. The very fact that you are willing to try to make this right means you are on the right track here, so give yourself credit where credit is due. 🖤

mrultratinytitch OP t1_j7qakti wrote on February 8, 2023 at 5:30 PM

I may not have been as clear as I meant to be, I have been diagnosed with a severe depression already and been prescribed antidepressants but at best I felt no different and at worst just got the temporary down that you get for the first 6 weeks lasting months before I gave up on trying to use medication. For therapy through the NHS you have to be referred by your doctor.

I am definitely being too hard on my myself personally but I would be out for blood had someone else spoke to my team leader like I did so I think that is contributing to it.

My only hope is that she is able to at least forgive me enough to still work with me but I also accept if she doesn't get there.

-K_P- t1_j7qmgkd wrote on February 8, 2023 at 6:45 PM

I definitely got that you had been diagnosed with some type of depressive disorder, that's why I was pointing out the need to balance the whole taking responsibility thing with the acknowledgement of what you're doing right - like I said, give yourself credit where credit is due. That part is much harder for someone in your situation, so I know, easier said than done. 🖤 As for the NHS and how it works over there, again, I have no idea, as I am in the US (AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED on the lack of resources over here... I've worked in the mental health field for years over here and it's... ugh.), but please don't give up on yourself! It's worth fighting to get the help you need!