Submitted by AnalAboutFissures t3_10rwvll in tifu
I grew up in a very cold climate. Every summer, there was a pile of rocks for sale in the produce section at the grocery store. They were like $8 each. I always wondered what idiot was buying those stupid rocks.
Years later, after moving to a much warmer climate, I found out those rocks were actually avocados. After learning about all the delicious things I could make with them, I decided to try my hand at making spinach avocado dip. I had finally become one of those rock purchasing idiots.
There was only one problem. I had no idea how to infiltrate the rock. So I thought to myself, how does one break a rock? With a hammer, of course. A claw hammer? No way. Look at this thing. It’s impenetrable. It’s time to break out the giant ball peen hammer from my diesel mechanic days.
So I happily marched out to my garage, placed the rock on a baking sheet, and with the power of a thousand suns, brought the hammer of Thor down upon it.
The resulting mess was indescribable. I was not prepared for the shower of toothpaste-like goop that rained down upon every crevice my garage had to offer. My lawnmower, my tool boxes, my hair, even my car foolishly parked a mere six feet away… nothing was spared. I stood frozen, shocked at the scene I’d created out of nothing but sheer stupidity, absolutely marinating in avocado and regret.
It’s been months and I still find the odd bit of rotting avocado, just waiting to remind me that I should have just googled how to peel it. I never got to make that dip and at this point I’d rather just leave it to the experts at my local restaurants.
TLDR; Smashed an avocado with a hammer because I am an absolute moron.
EDIT- Just to clarify some things from the comments:
- As funny as it is to picture a big dude doing this, I am in fact a small woman.
- The avocado felt hard to the touch, so I didn’t bother thoroughly squeezing it because I didn’t know I was supposed to.
- Today I learned there is a far less slippery way to infiltrate an avocado, and that is to cut it, rather than peel it.
- The pit did not survive. It died along with my dignity.
- Here’s the hammer, which I have now labeled appropriately (I hope this is allowed but if it’s not please let me know and I can remove it!): https://imgur.com/gallery/2ZxwPPd