Submitted by Wooden-Most-5406 t3_113f3pg in tifu
I (31 F) have been imagining my husband (31 M) fucking another woman while I watch and it turned me on.
My husband is very loving, caring, generous, and makes me feel loved so I do not know what kind of stupidity made me want to book a woman for him to fuck while I watch. I was so excited until I mentioned the idea to him and he agreed. I did not expect to feel hurt because this was my stupid idea. It was obvious that he was excited. He was busy but was able to make time when I asked if we could do it the same day. I told him about how I felt suddenly felt hurt and uncomfortable but he did not offer to back out so I asked him directly and he said it was ok.
I met the girl online, I told her the truth about what I felt and backed out. I just paid for the photo I asked for. She said it was ok and we had a little chit chat and when she jokingly said "If you change your mind just feel free to dm me" It turned me on and decided to push thru again.
So I asked my husband again and he agreed again. Everything was all set but when we were already at the hotel, the girl kept asking for more money aside from the 30% down payment I already sent but I was not comfortable sending more money without getting the service yet. She eventually backed out and said she will send a refund for the down payment and it made me feel so relieved. I know she will not send the refund but I felt happy I was scammed.
My husband told me it was ok.
My mind is fucked up and I dont know what to do. I cannot talk to anyone else about this. This was my stupid idea but I also do not see my husband the same way.
Thoughts that keep bugging me He was excited. He was willing to spend that much money. He made time. Did not offer to back out when I felt hurt Did not think twice when I asked the 2nd time despite knowing that I felt hurt.
TL;DR I asked my husband to fuck another woman while I watch but now I don't know how this will affect our marriage. We were happy but my stupid actions led me to overthinking now.
Update: When I said I don't see him the same way I did not mean I resent him or I saw him as a bad person. It was just my heart being jealous. I realized a lot of things now and the comments really helped me with how I feel. Kind or harsh, you guys only say the same thing. That it was normal for him to feel excited but it does not mean he was weird nor he loves me less. I do not resent him at all and he also said it was totally fine that it did not happen and he was not mad or upset even 1% He was apologetic when I told him how I felt but I made sure he knew it was not his fault and I also showed him all the comments. Right now we are doing great and I can't thank you guys enough for giving your time.