I really appreciate your thoughts on this, it's very helpful! You're absolutely right, the timing was terrible and I immensely regret it. My thought process was that I should make my feelings known before it's too late and she ends up choosing someone else. But, that obviously doesn't matter if she was never interested in the first place.

Before I decided to go and mess everything up, we had a great relationship and now I don't know where things will end up. I just wish I had the forethought to not say anything. The older I get, the smaller my friend group gets, so messing up a relationship with someone I truly care about has really taken a toll on me. I also am acutely aware that she's still going through shit with her recent breakup and here I am making it all about me, definitely not cool.

I do seem to find myself in situations where I fall for people that are unavailable. It's not something I try to do and it doesn't happen all the time. I really only fall for people that I have a strong connection with, but that feeling never seems to be mutual, so that's clearly an issue on my end that I need to figure out and address.

I absolutely want to continue the friendship and honestly just try to forget that any of this even happened. I spoke with her a bit more and it seems like she's willing to not let this affect things, so the ball is in my court to not fuck things up like I seemingly always do. The hardest part is trying to bury these feelings that I have, but I'm down to do whatever it takes to not lose her as a friend.