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LufiusDrakore t1_jdzovzy wrote

Not sure what to say here. Polyamory is tricky and takes a lot of work but not impossible. The problem here (other than personal preferences) is I don't think he is anymore polyamorous than you are, and trying to resolve two very different positions. His ex is a stable force in his life but you are a novelty. New relationships are exciting and different but that feeling doesn't last. My wife of 21 years left me for another man. It happens

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[deleted] OP t1_jdzqdrh wrote

I'm sorry to hear that. That must be tough! And thank you, I think you are very right about that. I think it's just a very hard situation for him and that seems to be the only option that feels kind of right. I can even understand it, but I think he should take time for himself and have no contact with either of us to know what he really wants. But he sees it differently and so I am in the situation to chose for myself what I want..

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LufiusDrakore t1_jdzrb85 wrote

It is the worst feeling ever to be alone for the first time in ones life and rejected by the only person to ever love me, yeah it sucks. You clearly have a lot of compassion for him but don't neglect your own needs too. Keep your eyes open, you have not known him long and people tend not to show you who they are until they feel comfortable.

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Burrtles t1_je0333s wrote

>I think he should take time for himself and have no contact with either of us to know what he really wants.

I think this is actually what you should do. Take a big step back and communicate that. I'd say it may feel like love but lust is extremely powerful as are hormones and other stuff. And even if it is love then you can still love him and not be with him. Have a break to be yourself by yourself. It's easy to become tangled up in other people's life paths and wants and then become convinced you want it and chose to be there. If it's meant to be then you'll feel the same after a long time apart and can analyse again then. But generally I'd say there's definitely a few red flags from him here and that means you need to cut emotional ties and step back for a bit so that you can view it clearly without the blurry love glasses on. It's your life and it's precious and fast, you can't imagine what the future holds. It's your life and you're worth more than someone's 2nd choice or 3rd wheel. It's your life and there will be more to it than this guy and this job. It's your life OP!

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