So, let me clear things out: after all of this and your realisation of an abusive situationship you're still with the dude? Because if so, I'd get out of there pretty fast.

Are you sure it was your choice? His controlling attitude is only going to get worse. You don't have many girl friends because he is working hard to he your everthing to control every aspect of your life.

Yes of course I am getting out of it. That’s what has been making me realize so much and causing me to spiral because i literally feel so stupid for what i’ve done

I don’t think it was really my choice but at the end of the day i feel like i have to acknowledge the fact that i messed up by giving into what he wanted, i had free will and i was scared to use it. I’m realizing a lot of this, I don’t need a man in my life, i need love and happiness and friends but realizing i lost one of my good friends because of how stupid i was is horrible to think about

Shit happens, it doesn't matter how many times you fall, it's how many times you get up that matters.

Get out of the relationship and see that slowly but surely, while working on it, things will get better.

You’re not stupid, you’re young. At your age I dated a guy like that, but didn’t have the clarity to leave for five whole years of the abuse. You’re recognizing the patterns and you’re doing something about it, be proud of that.