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jap_the_cool t1_jb5bpoj wrote

Reply to comment by robertdahlman in TIFU by de-sensitizing, re-sensitizing, and over-sensitizing my penis. by venidiluculo

This.

She wanted you to come - and you should just had let it happen. I mean normally girls know when a guy is about to finish - especially when giving head - so she should have seen it cumming (pun intended).

Don’t stress yourself out - sex is super dirty sometimes and some cum on some clothes/hair etc is nothing new to her probably.

That she had to puke because you shot it into her throat is a bad thing that happened but your overreaction in apologizing etc is maybe even worse… idk but I think she’s not uninterested in you because of this whole story.

IMO you two are gonna have a lot more fun, just take it easy man

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MissAnthropoid t1_jb5fn5y wrote

No no no - nobody expects or wants you to cum after only three bobs of the head, with no warning and no prior discussion, into their mouth and all over them. She wanted to have sex and get off also, and then she didn't. "Something came up" and she left. Does that sound like somebody who "wanted" a jizzy mess?

OP don't listen to this guy. She definitely didn't want that. But it's possible she would understand, forgive, have a laugh about it with you, and give you another chance.

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VicePrincipalNero t1_jb5kesi wrote

If course neither of them wanted it to play out that way, but stuff happens unintentionally. He's not experienced. IMO, what usually happens in this kind of situation is the guy says he's sorry and didn't mean for it to happen, but he then focuses on her enjoyment for a while. Then he's ready for round 2. It's not that she runs off to the bathroom for an hour.

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cyankitten t1_jb657xc wrote

Actually OP that’s a really good idea. Maybe promise her a round 2 but you don’t get to cum till she does and pleasure her in other ways. When she’s had some fun it’s your turn. That might make up for it maybe!

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MissAnthropoid t1_jb66fbt wrote

If she didn't want a mouthful of jizz and for her sexy outfit to be covered in jizz, it's totally understandable that she cleaned herself up and left. "What usually happens" when you break the trust of a brand new partner by doing something like that without any warning or prior agreement is that she isn't into it any more and wants to leave, and probably not come back for more. Which is exactly what happened here.

That doesn't mean it's not salvageable, he's just going to have to work pretty hard to rebuild that trust if he ever wants a "round 2". And he's going to have to sincerely apologize for the unexpected jizzy surprise and tell her the honest truth about why he thought he wouldn't immediately cum as soon as she paid a little attention to his knob.

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jameeler91 t1_jb68pqg wrote

OP didn’t “break her trust”. It was accidental. Saying he broke her trust would suggest he intended to prematurely ejaculate. Except he didn’t mean to.

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MissAnthropoid t1_jb6bivo wrote

She can't know that it was accidental. Even if he says so, it's reasonable to have doubts given that men are notorious for intentionally evading sexual consent, lying to get laid, and doing fucked up things like stealthing to maximize their sexual gratification at their partners' expense.

And she ended the encounter and left and is not responding to messages. Is that what trust looks like to you?

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ilikecollarbones_pm t1_jb6cotg wrote

> She can't know that it was accidental.

yeah loads of guys want to and deliberately cum after 2 seconds of a blowjob. get real.

how about the more likely scenario that after being told he could go for hours she was turned off, thinks he's a loser who can't satisfy her and has no interest in seeing him again.

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itsjustmefortoday t1_jb6cgqp wrote

I would think if she was thay uncomfortable with a man finishing in her mouth she would have talked about it in advance. Probably it took her by surprise.

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MissAnthropoid t1_jb6dmau wrote

No, that's absolutely wrong. You should always assume women DON'T want a surprise mouthful of jizz unless they've explicitly told you otherwise. If you haven't discussed it, at least give a little warning so they can decide for themselves in the moment.

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itsjustmefortoday t1_jb6n7cx wrote

I guess it's a very personal thing. What might seem completely normal to one individual might not to another. It could be she's embarrassed by gagging and running to the bathroom and doesn't know how to address it. Or it's possible that she doesn't like a man finishing in her mouth and feels uncomfortable. Only the lady involved knows the answer unfortunately. I just hope she answers the OP whether or not she wants to see him again. To ghost someone over a sex act that didn't go to plan wouldn't be very nice. Even if she doesn't want to see him again that's all she needs to tell him.

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NickDiVittorio t1_jb66hq1 wrote

Her reaction to this and her “casual approach to the topic of sex” seem a little incongruent haha. Sex is supposed to be fun and a little nasty, something so non malicious like this accident happening and her acting totally shocked from someone cumming in her mouth I don’t know man I wouldn’t be beating yourself up if this doesn’t work out there’s better out there

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MissAnthropoid t1_jb67nde wrote

Go to TwoX and see what most women actually think about men cumming in their mouths without any warning or prior discussion please.

She doesn't know it was non-malicious. How could she possibly know that? He claimed he could go for hours and then came all over her almost immediately, without any prior discussion or warning. He broke her trust and it turned her all the way off. It's totally predictable, not "incongruous".

BTW sex is not "supposed to be nasty". You need to talk to your partners about what they actually want and watch less porn.

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thejimbo56 t1_jb6f55k wrote

Please don’t recommend that people go to TwoX, that place is a toxic hellhole.

There are plenty of other ways to reinforce your point.

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MissAnthropoid t1_jb6g0kr wrote

Ok if you're only receptive to men's opinions on women's sexuality and don't want to hear it from women, here's another source that you won't find so "toxic".

https://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_400/444_ejaculation-etiquette.html

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thejimbo56 t1_jb6gf2z wrote

I’m very receptive to women’s opinions.

I’m not receptive to toxic cesspools.

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MissAnthropoid t1_jb6hkfk wrote

But you're literally on Reddit right now though. 🤔

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thejimbo56 t1_jb6u286 wrote

Yes, and TwoX is r/Conservative for feminists. It’s an echo chamber filled with only the most extreme viewpoints. No nuance is acceptable, everything is black and white.

The fact that you recommend it tells me pretty much everything I need to know about you.

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NickDiVittorio t1_jb67rig wrote

I think what you need is to lighten up haha

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MissAnthropoid t1_jb6borx wrote

I see you would rather not know what women really think of an unexpected mouthful of jizz. 🚩🚩🚩

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NickDiVittorio t1_jb6f2hn wrote

Any one persons opinion is skewed by their experience so that’s what I’m giving this guy advice from instead of pretending to be the sexual thought police haha. So with that said;

I know what women really think about an unexpected mouthful of jizz. Because although it would be convenient for your own personal narrative that I fit into whatever strange Frankenstein of poor traits you like to assume men to be so you can dismiss them, uh I don’t haha. I’m happily engaged, I rarely watch porn anymore, I’ve had many long term and short term relationships, I’ve been in polyamorous relationships and I always talk to my partners about preferences. But not for this weird line of thinking you seem to have that cumming in someone’s mouth unexpectedly is borderline sexual assault, but because sex is supposed to be fun like I said before. And for it to be fun everyone involved should feel heard and excited and safe.

That’s where your line of thinking seems to hit a wall. You say you want all those prerequisites too but you don’t actually. You only want them for the side that you relate most too. Because what you’re failing to see is that these rigid borders you’re putting on for sex to acceptable does not make men feel safe. It makes them feel like they’re one good blow job away from being a sex offender. I understand that women have had it bad in the past. I understand the trauma of rape more so than your narrow paradigm would let you associate to me because of my sex. But we’re swinging the damn pendulum back to far the other way. It’s not a coincidence women of my generation when polled consistently wish men would approach them more, and make more first moves. You’ve all got them scared shitless haha. Why can’t we bring the pendulum softly back to the middle together instead of constantly kicking it as hard as we can because the past was worse than the present (isn’t that kind of what progress is?).

So back to the real task at hand, of my 30ish I’m guessing sample size I have never met anyone that would react this way. It seems a bit over the top and not indicative of someone who’s very experienced (not a problem) or understanding. I’ve been with partners who didn’t like it one specific memory was a friend of mine with who I had sex causally from time to time and I did this same thing once I just got too excited and I came faster than I could give proper warning. She spit it out said GROSS and we laughed. And to address the sex isn’t supposed to be nasty comment, uh it’s nasty by design haha. We’re exchanging bodily fluids, we’re putting our mouth in and on each others genitals and anus’. How is that not nasty? I mean theres a whole specific avenue of disease and infection just specifically from these acts haha how is that not nasty?

So, if you got this far haha I’d like to offer you a counter thought experiment. If the roles were reversed and he was performing oral on one of those glorious woman who can ejaculate, and she cums and it gets in his mouth (which of course it would) and he got up and seemed totally disgusted and made her feel ashamed and then ignored her…would you be reacting the same way? Or would you say he’s acting immature, and you shouldn’t feel shame for orgasming?

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MissAnthropoid t1_jb6ge12 wrote

https://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_400/444_ejaculation-etiquette.html

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NickDiVittorio t1_jb6gldn wrote

Looks like you didn’t come here for thoughtful debate after all haha

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MissAnthropoid t1_jb6he07 wrote

I didn't come here to read an endless novel about some random dude's armchair expertise in female sexual psychology, that's for sure.

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jap_the_cool t1_jb5il8y wrote

I must admit that I misread the initial text as she gave him head and there where three special bobs (I thought maybe deepthroating ?) and then he came…

I mean they had lots of foreplay - if he didn’t jerk off that day that’s kinda not too uncommon for a guy who gets head. And he wanted to cum too… don’t forget that.

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MissAnthropoid t1_jb66q18 wrote

Whatever. Just don't unload into anybody's mouth without any warning unless you've discussed it beforehand and know that they're enthusiastically into that kind of thing.

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fenbekus t1_jb5gpc3 wrote

I mean he was a virgin, hard to expect anything else from a person with literally 0 experience.

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KingGram t1_jb5j4rg wrote

No, he wasn't a virgin, he just couldn't cum in the past because he kept jerking it too much

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linerva t1_jb6prvi wrote

>I mean normally girls know when a guy is about to finish - especially when giving head - so she should have seen it cumming (pun intended).

Women aren't psychic - they don't know if you're about to climax unless you're giving them signals that you're getting close to climax. A lot of guys are more subtle about the signs, and sometimes you can't feel it physically in your partner until it's too late. Next time, try not to rush the experience, and encourage your partner to go a bit more slowly at first and then you get a better chance to warn them before you're literally split seconds from climaxing. But this is all experience that you have to gain the hard way. No pun intended.

Now, I don't think a partner climaxing a bit sooner than expected is a big deal, usually - but everyone is different and it may have been a big deal for her.

For many people, it's an occupational hazard of dealing with someone's genitals. BUT ideally you should warn a partner in the run up to climaxing so they can deal with the 'stuff' as they see fit.

Perhaps she hadn't wanted to get spunk all over her, or perhaps she had intended to spit it out? Either way, it looks like she was a little surprised. She could have other issues we don't lnow about. Perhaps SHE's not very experienced in giving head - when done right, it's a dance between working someone slowly up to climax, and not letting them come TOO early, and when done right you can draw it out for everyone's enjoyment. You never start hard and fast immediately - it's best worked up to.

Next time he should make sure to finish off his lady friend BEFORE she goes anywhere near his penis. Given many women can climax more than once without a refractory period, there's nothing to be lost by dealing with her first - and then you don't get an awkward 'well, I finished but she didn't" - which to be fair I'm sure he would have done if she hadn't run to the bathroom.

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camdalfthegreat t1_jb65j2d wrote

This is my thought here.

I don't really know why the freak out and leave. You shouldn't put a willy in your mouth if you aren't prepared for the "repercussions" lol

It kind of irritates me she just left, that's pretty cold to the guy who ALSO was in a sensitive/emotional situation. And then to lie about it and say "something came up"

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