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ThatOneGuys-porn t1_jdq1coq wrote

Reply to comment by sirdodger in TIFU by saying I really struggle to initiate sexy times with my GF by [deleted]

That's the fun part, she doesn't like it to feel planned so she just wants me to take control "when the moments right" which I struggle with and i've told her as much. If I keep failing I'll bring it up again

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sirdodger t1_jdq20fp wrote

You don't need to plan, and you can still take the initiative. Just communicate while you're doing it. Tell her you want her and what you're going to do to her at each stage. Tell her what to do. She's asking you to take control, not just to initiate.

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ThatOneGuys-porn t1_jdq2ak1 wrote

Ok I may just do that. I just struggle with that to not overstep boundaries because she's very self conscious and they change depending on how her day was.

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sirdodger t1_jdq3i19 wrote

It's a two way street. She needs to communicate, too. You shouldn't be walking on eggshells trying to second guess her moods and motives. Depending on severity, that can be borderline emotionally abusive.

First, straight up ask her how her day was. If she is stressed or hurting, just straight up say, "I had something sexy planned, but you seem like you could use some cuddling and TV instead." Or maybe a backrub with no expectation of sex.

Tell her what cues she can use if she's interested in starting. Like, "nibble my ear and I'll take it from there". Or maybe running her fingers down your chest or stroking your arm. Whatever gets you going.

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