TIFU when tried to be polite in a different language

Submitted by No_Syllabub_4264 t3_125w9ux in tifu

So my workplace has become quite rich in languages as more newcomers are immigrants. I learned as a kid that when getting to know new people with different languages it’s good to learn how to be polite in the new language. More is better of coarse, but basic manners should be a must. So I can say ’good morning’, ’thank you’ and ’you’re welcome’ in a few different language. Not much else, I forget easily.

This week I studied from the internet a new ’good morning’. Today I used the term exitingly to a new co-worker with a language barrier, who doesn’t speak my language more than a couple words. I was giddy that I can tell her good morning in her language. I should have double checked, as it seems I used wrong ending.

She got frustrared and scolded me, corrected which enging I should have used, and with a long rant I can only assume the meaning of, reminded that she HAS to and WANTS to learn my language and I’m NOT helping if I start using hers. She’s lovely and calm personality so I must have hit a massive nerve!

I got so embarrased and felt my face get red. I clearly picked a wrong moment and wrong method to try be polite.

TL;DR said good morning incorrectly to a co-worker in her language, when she is trying hard to learn mine.

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_jeremybearimy_ t1_je6ibk4 wrote

You did nothing wrong. saying good morning is not going to set her back in her language efforts. I can see the frustration with that if you ONLY talk to her in her original language when she’s trying to learn…but you said two words. She was probably just having a bad day or feeling particularly sensitive about her language skills today, but that doesn’t justify her blowing up on you like that. It’s pretty ridiculous to be so offended of someone saying two words in their language.

Don’t beat yourself up about it, and please continue going out of your way to connect with people, as it’s very nice what you’re doing. Although I would not speak to her in that language again since she requested it…even though she did it very rudely.

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No_Syllabub_4264 OP t1_je6kavp wrote

I had so many ways to do it correctly, so I did actually screw this up. Asking her would have been the best option. Showing interest on communicating with her. Instead I was so eager to say it and show what I learned, that I forgot I might have wrong term. It’s gonna keep me humble for a while.

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NTGenericus t1_je696jw wrote

So it has taken me years and years to realize that people often don't like to be seen in terms of their ethnicity. When that happens they're immediately "othered" and pointedly different. If they're just trying to fit in and get along like everyone else, pointing out their difference can cause self-consciousness or be insulting. I'm on the spectrum and I made so many people uncomfortable just by trying to be familiar with them on what I saw as their own terms. It's best to just ignore any differences and treat them like everyone else. Let them fit in without being "different".

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No_Syllabub_4264 OP t1_je6a0k0 wrote

I thought I was being rude before, as I speak with three co-workers in their language(english), but not with her or others from her country as they don’t speak english nor my language. Mostly we communicate with google translate and it’s bad.

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DovahFerret t1_je7po20 wrote

That's wild.

One of my friends is learning my native language for fun, and because he knows he can use me as a resource. I would never consider mocking him if he got something incorrect. If he asked for constructive criticism, I would mention it, but that's it.

Your coworker is correct that using the target language is the best way to learn a language, but a simple greeting in her native language seems more like a friendly, welcoming gesture than a malicious attempt to prevent her from learning her target language?

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No_Syllabub_4264 OP t1_je8bwph wrote

This is what I have thought. It’s a guideline we help with learning language by speaking it with clean vocabulary, avoid swearing and use everyday language. I wanted to make an effort to learn the greetings.

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Tip_of_the_nip t1_je6q86r wrote

Oh well she's a jerk. Water under the bridge

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No_Syllabub_4264 OP t1_je6yv0u wrote

Usually she’s a very nice person.

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Tip_of_the_nip t1_je8rg16 wrote

It's a 2-way street. When I learnt Norwegian I'd go out of my way to teach people my nuances and culture.

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redchomper t1_je8ab5m wrote

So you learned something about this person's weird personality. Chalk it up to experience and move on. Most people like it when you show you've learned a bit about their background. But ... do be careful. A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. Google translate is not how to learn a phrase, because the nuance you can't express in one language can be the difference between polite and sarcastic in another.

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MrBallzsack t1_je7q0qb wrote

I'm guessing you're white correct? Otherwise you might realize this is very white privilegey, and yeah people often feel insulted by this behavior. Not to mention I guarantee you had some dumb ass look on your face and some pretentious "look I'm speaking your labguage" tone. You should not be surprised by this reaction

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SalaciousSunTzu t1_je7tzt4 wrote

Actually most people love when people make the effort to speak someone's language instead of this nonsense you're speaking about. This has absolutely fck all to do with privilege and the person he spoke to and you are plain rude. If someone goes out of their way to spend time learning something to better communicate with you or make you feel welcome, the normal reaction is not this. I watch a guy who learns many languages in new York, incl Chinese. He goes to Chinatown alot and people are always thrilled and honoured he embraced their culture. He also does it around the world and yes he's white. Xiaoma on YouTube

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DuePomegranate t1_je8acs4 wrote

People like it when you go to their country and try to use their language.

People who immigrate to America and are struggling to fit in and often facing issues due to their differences in appearance and language... they may not feel the same way especially if it's a half-assed effort (OP got it wrong). It can feel condescending.

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SalaciousSunTzu t1_je8cms7 wrote

Once again wrong, look up the guy I said.

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DuePomegranate t1_je8delr wrote

Xiaoma cannot be counted as a half-assed effort in learning other languages.

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SalaciousSunTzu t1_je8dtea wrote

You expect OP to only speak the person's language if he's fluent? Everyone starts somewhere. Half assed doesn't even make sense in this context when the guy just learned something for the first time from said language

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MrBallzsack t1_je7uv4t wrote

You are incorrect, she clearly reacted for a reason. And this is not at all the same as a youtuber traveling the world

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SalaciousSunTzu t1_je8ct4v wrote

Well most of these guys videos are in new York and people are always excited when he learns and embraces their culture. I also play online with many non native English speakers and if I ever pick up and repeat some of the phrases they use they fucking love it, shits hilarious to them

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