Submitted by dyselxiccarrot t3_11x39jg in tifu

First, this happened back when I was in grade 10 when I was 15.

I was for the most part a goody-two-shoes type of kid, especially up to this point. I had never drank alcohol, let alone got drunk, didn’t party, etc. My parents also believed that caffeine would stunt my growth, so I wasn’t allowed caffeine until I was 13 (I was 6’4” by then, I’m 6’6” now). When I was 15 though, a friend introduced me to coffee and I was HOOKED, because I would be off the walls with energy.

Every morning after that, before school, I would make myself a cup of coffee in the morning. I had a 20oz mug, and not liking the taste of coffee, I would use the 10oz keurig setting, and fill the rest up with milk, and add sugar. My method for drinking these concoctions I called coffee was chugging them, usually 5 minutes after I made it so it wasn’t too hot.

The one day, cold winter morning, right after Christmas break, I made my coffee only to discover that we had ran out of milk. However, I saw a big glass bottle of a hazelnut cream that I’d seen my parents put in their coffee. I thought “perfect” and did my usual routine. However, this coffee was especially good, and I loved the taste, not just the caffeine buzz. So what did I do? I made 3 more. I drank - chugged - 4 of these things, and then get on the bus.

I get to my first class - AP English - and I’m feeling very good. However, when I was called on to summarize a reading it went something like: “well buddy was mauled by a bear, and his chick wanted to break up with him. But the chick thought it’d be a dick move to dip on buddy right there so she was just in a clusterfuck”. Luckily in Canada, or at least my city, teachers didn’t care I swore and she just looked at me funny.

After that class my best school friend comes up to me and is like “what the fuck is wrong with you?”, apparently I was also stumbling and slurring my words. I replied “I feel fuckin great, my parents got some fancy coffee creamer so I had 4 coffees this morning”. My friend was more experienced in these things than I, and asks what the creamer was. I replied “it was hazelnut. I think it said Bailey’s on it”.

For those who don’t know, Bailey’s is a 34 proof** alcohol liqueur for coffee. I did not know this. So turns out I had downed about 12 shots of booze in 30 minutes before school, and was fucking plastered. The entire flex block (right after first period) was her feeding me water and bagels so I didn’t get sick. It was the most fun day of school I’ve ever had though.

I would guess the teachers knew I was plastered, but I was a good student and they liked me so they maybe turned a blind eye for the day (underage drinking is also not punished legally where I live unless it’s a dangerous situation).

TL;DR I didn’t know Bailey’s was alcohol and drank 4 mugs of it before school. Oh, and it was my first time getting drunk.



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AcrobaticSource3 t1_jd1513x wrote

You got me good, OP! With the mentions of coffee and creamer in the title and with the way the posts in this sub go, I was certain that I was going to read about you shitting (1) yourself and/or (2) all over a public restroom. How wrong I was!


Ackilles t1_jd2han7 wrote

100% expectations for shitting themselves too


chrisinvic t1_jd15xwq wrote


dyselxiccarrot OP t1_jd16gei wrote

My bad, I’ll edit that. Was too confident to google it lol


M002 t1_jd4fwlv wrote

Bailey’s also makes non-alcoholic coffee creamer

It’s entirely possible you just had too much caffeine/sugar


dyselxiccarrot OP t1_jd5vtos wrote

No, it was 100% the alcoholic one. I’ve also been drunk since then and can tell you, I was drunk


jeffcrafff t1_jd19z2t wrote

I'm having trouble deciding whether a 30% version of Bailey's would be a good or bad thing


Xantis281 t1_jd1ipzq wrote

Just add vodka to me, I'm a professional.

(Well, Jameson in my case I suppose!)


char11eg t1_jd23dgp wrote

I’ll be honest, all the way until the reveal I was expecting this to be some sort of sugarfree creamer, and you were about to purge the entire contents of your body into your clothing in class or something, hahahahaha

Glad you just had a fun time getting shitfaced instead - what did your parents say when they noticed? 😂


dyselxiccarrot OP t1_jd2pxro wrote

They never did. My dad works out of town and my mom wouldn’t get home until after I was asleep at night. The bottle sat there until it was thrown out because my parents only drink Bailey’s at Christmas


Citadelvania t1_jd2cdrz wrote

I feel like if a student was slurring their words and acting weird, while not being the type of student to be drunk in school in the morning, I would have them checked by the school nurse to make sure they didn't have a stroke or something.


TheTiffani86 t1_jd2iqng wrote

This sorta happened to my sister. She was stumbling up the road to the bus stop, the neighbor noticed and called our dad to let him know his daughter was drunk. He said "Tiffani?" They said, "No, the other one." He was so confused because she, to this day, is about as straight edge as you can get. Turned out she had a really bad inner ear infection that f'ed her balance.


dyselxiccarrot OP t1_jd2r3vi wrote

I don’t think I really had to talk in any of my other classes, and might’ve sobered up enough to not get caught, but who knows. As for my AP English class, I was the only kid there who played sports and got along with that crowd, so it was my place where I was kind of “class clown”, whereas I was shy everywhere else. Teacher might’ve chalked it up to that.


MrFavorable t1_jd3dtjs wrote

This was such a refreshing story to read. It wasn’t about fucking, drama, someone shitting themselves or getting hurt. Just a teenager that had a few Irish coffees not knowing it was alcohol. This would be considered an Irish coffee right?


dyselxiccarrot OP t1_jd3fkjo wrote

Hahahaha yup. I was a very innocent kid and a late bloomer. Led to a lot of stories like this one.


MrFavorable t1_jd3rfy9 wrote

I too was an extremely late bloomer like you. Although I didn’t have a funny story such as this one. 😂


SinoSoul t1_jd3hrw4 wrote

do you know the twitter account @ fesshole? Should check it out.


Jacktheforkie t1_jd1yf2d wrote

I was expecting something far different, more along the line of realising you’re allergic or something


LthePerry02 t1_jd24seq wrote

How did your parents react when half the bottle was gone?


dyselxiccarrot OP t1_jd2q72a wrote

They never noticed. I learned they only drink Bailey’s at Christmas time, so they never touched the bottle after that. I think it ended up getting thrown away.


Fiberguru t1_jd333pt wrote

My son (13) and my daughter (16) both love cold coffee drinks in the cans. Someone brought a bunch of those new PBR alcohol coffee drinks to our house for a thanksgiving party we had. Fast forward to week after thanksgiving when kids had to go back to school and my son and daughter both see them in fridge before leaving for school one morning and both decide to grab and drink on way to school. Mind you, not only did they drink them before school but my daughter was driving them to school. If she would have gotten pulled over she could have been DUI


ichbinschizophren t1_jd28x2u wrote

oh gods that hearkens me back to happily finishing off a pitcher of really nice fruit smoothie and then oooooh there was like, half a bottle of rum in it, hahah, chin up my dude, it happens. At least you didn't compliment your cousin's new breast implants and pass out facedown like I did.


seantastic777 t1_jd1iyh2 wrote

what can we say? it does go runny sometimes.. :/


Wiggie49 t1_jd3dsrh wrote

Ummm if your parents are drinking bailey’s to start their day I think they were alcoholics.


dyselxiccarrot OP t1_jd3ewcv wrote

I’ll can say my parents are responsible with their alcohol (other than not teaching their 15 year old that Bailey’s is alcohol lol). They’d buy a bottle of Bailey’s once a year for Christmas morning and New Years morning. If they had more than 1 and had to go somewhere either I would drive or they’d call a cab.


Wiggie49 t1_jd3f26p wrote

If it’s leftover from an event that’s totally fine. I thought you meant they were regularly using that as their creamer in the mornings.


FlowerBambiThumper t1_jd6hi0e wrote

Naw… not necessarily. I have a bottle of Rumchata that’s lasted me since Christmas. Every Sunday morning, you can bet… I’m drinking boozy coffee. One cup. One splash. Not much at all.. But it’s technically weekly.


Wiggie49 t1_jd6im6s wrote

Yeah I misunderstood and thought that was a daily routine lol


SinoSoul t1_jd3h32k wrote

What a wholesome TIFU. 5/5! (I read this in the morning, and this was a great way to start the day in the interwebs.)


mushbean t1_jd8fzyi wrote

thought this was gonna be about you shitting ur pants (its almost happened to me with too much caffeine and cream) but baileys is even better