No_Tamanegi t1_je802p3 wrote on March 30, 2023 at 1:53 AM

Honestly, his reaction seems a little fucked up. It's not like you intended to offend him or upset him. You may have tapped into something where he was bullied used that term against him when he was younger, and I'm sure that could still sting, but he should be able to recognize the difference.

Also, it's fundamentally messed up that being feminized is a blanket insult.

Flossthief t1_je8b11m wrote on March 30, 2023 at 3:22 AM

As far as I understand the concept of okama isn't a very pretty picture of homosexuality

Okama is based on the flawed concept that gay men would want to convert people into their sexuality

burned_artichoke t1_je8vywe wrote on March 30, 2023 at 7:18 AM

There's a lot of history to 'okama', originally it was referring to effeminate men who were often (but iirc not always) prostitutes. It wasn't necessarily pejorative, more like a profession or a descriptor. Then you know time progressed, religious morality came in, and it became a Bad Thing, and a slur.

Nowadays there are people who have reclaimed it in the LGBT sphere, and it's usage in gay bars is similar to 'femme' (or maybe even 'twink'), but obviously that is not gonna be the case with a bunch of teenagers or anyone remotely homophobic.

I can dig out some references if anyone wants them.

Nervous-Result-7836 OP t1_je84wrq wrote on March 30, 2023 at 2:31 AM

Huh. That could be a possibility.

And true. I hate this world.

No_Tamanegi t1_je86qs9 wrote on March 30, 2023 at 2:46 AM

I know it's popular to say that intention doesn't matter when you hurt someone, but honestly, it feels a lot worse to me when someone hurts me out of intention than out of misunderstanding. The fact that he had to explain the insult excuses you of insulting him with intent.

Apologize to him, and assure him that it won't happen again- and make sure you don't. If he's still rude to you afterwards, that's on him.