Submitted by throwway_wifeismyHS t3_11fzxgz in tifu
This is an update. The original was posted about 2 weeks ago. Not sure how or if I can post the link.
Yes I know I misspelled across. Yes, I do have bad grammar and spelling. Yes, I am stressed and freaking out. Yes, I can play the banjo. No there was no genetic test when we got married. Our state stopped that in the 1990s. No, my wife has never been stuck in the dryer but, she once got stuck under the bed....(joke)
The reason I did not go in too much detail is to try to not be so specific that I or my wife might be recognized. Well, the front page of Reddit didn't help with that. Thank you all for your comments and feedback. I didn't respond to them but I did read all of them.
The reason her family couldn't donate was that close relatives had some medical issues that prevent them from donating. Examples: high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer, heavy drinkers, and more. The further out we tested the less percent of a match. I wanted to be tested because we needed to find someone. The doctor said it would be unlikely but wouldn't hurt to try.
I was freaking out after I got the news and had to get outside advice. When the doc said that the percentage was abnormally high and that we might be related I kind of zoned out and started to piece things together in my mind.
My parents live a thousand miles away. They met my inlaws a few times. Once at my wedding and when both my children were born.
My children are fine. My daughter is incredibly smart for her age. My son is a handful and healthy.
The way my adoption worked was when my bio mom gave birth to me I was checked out and put in a different room(I was there but don't know how it officially worked). From what My parents explained they were in that room waiting. They never met my bio mom in person. My bio mom only had a profile and picked them out of many candidates.
I called my parents and told them that I needed to know everything they knew about my bio mom. They told me that they had limited knowledge. They said she was a single mom that was 16 years old. The father was not in the picture. Also, I was born in a hospital one hour from where my wife was born. Like I said limited knowledge.
Growing up I didn't want to find out about my bio parents. To me, my parents were always my parents. I knew I was adopted and that it was a closed adoption. I figure it wouldn't matter long term.
I'm not going to do an additional at-home DNA test through any of the traditional testing sights like 23 or ancestry due to personal reasons. Like the possibility of the family finding out. The doc said all of this to only me, not with my wife present. Some of the additional tests were done through the doctor which was the cM test? (I'm not an expert on DNA testing) they said it was like a 1900+ cM match. This basically confirms one of my bio parents is one of hers. (it can also mean first cousins or aunt/uncle) I'm guessing her dad. (when my kids were born my parents brought photos of me as a baby and commented that I and my son looked a lot like my wife's dad). My son was easily explainable. But all 3 of us are a different story.
I'm not going to bring this up ever. I might look at my FIL differently but nothing will hopefully change. I hope none of the family goes on Reddit and connects the dots.
I am donating my kidney to my wife. We have started the full process. That takes time and a lot of preparation. I plan on talking to my wife after the surgery and after recovery. We will decide what to do with our kids. If we are going to get them tested or ever tell them. I will not be leaving my wife. I love and will always be there for her. I made vows and I will keep them. I love her more than I would a half-sister.
TL;DR I'm donating my kidney to my wife who is most possibly my paternal half-sister.
ETA I do plan on telling her after the surgery. She is not doing well and I think this will be even harder in her. I would rather her know that I love her as a husband rather than flip her world upside down right before life-changing and dangerous surgery. If something were to happen.
Telling iur kids is not a decision I'm going to make on my own it will be a joint thing after my wife knows.