Submitted by DadDoomedDinner t3_11nil7o in tifu
A few nights ago I (22m) had dinner at my parents house. I noticed my dad had bruises on his face. The bruises kind of looked like burns. When I asked my dad what happened, my mom answered. She said cooking oil splattered on my dad's face when he was using the frying pan. I asked my dad what he was doing with a frying pan because I've literally never seen him cook anything in my life. My mom answered again. She said my dad was failing to follow an easy-to-follow recipe. I asked my dad what was going on in that frying pan for him to end up so crispy. My dad said nothing. He was in a mood.
My mom joked about my dad cooking the flesh on his skin instead of the meat in the pan. I asked my dad if he was gonna allow mom to roast him like that. My dad finally opened his mouth and said he was done allowing my mom to do anything to him. My mom suddenly said my dad's name in her serious voice. My dad said if he had to choose between the frying pan and my mom using candle wax during sex without wearing her contacts, he would have gone with the frying pan. My mom shushed my dad, but he refused to shut up.
My dad said he was sick of the frying pan story because it made him look like the dumb husband. My mom encouraged me to ignore my dad and finish my food, which prompted my dad to tell my mom to stop babying me and to start treating me like an adult, whose parents were honest at all times. I begged them not to be honest at all. My dad said the frying pan accident was a story my mom fabricated because she didn't want anyone to know that she was too blind to recognize the difference between his face and his chest when she dripped candle wax all over him in bed.
I tapped out and said too much information. My dad shrugged and said I asked. I was unable to continue eating. My dad noticed and said if he could finish the job with burns on his face, then I could finish my meal. He winked at my mom when he said "finish the job." It was nightmare fuel.
TL:DR Noticed my dad had bruises on his face that looked like burns. Asked him what happened. Kind of expected a funny, family friendly story since we were enjoying a family dinner. My dad said my mom dripped candle wax on him during sex before he encouraged me to finish my food like he finished inside my mom.