Submitted by RA_noyoymeenoy t3_11ur4bu in tifu
I grew up around mostly women plus my father. My dad is a 50/ 50 chore and life splitter feminist icon without realising he is one. I also grew up without gender roles being imposed on me, I just did what I wanted and wore what I wanted. I thought my family was typical of most people.
Then me and my boyfriend moved in together a few years back. Great times all around and then the issues came.
He didn't know how to do laundry, cook, keep a house clean and all the other little chores. I taught him how and then he struggled to keep it on a regular schedule. I had to wake him up every morning so he would go to work, I still keep an alarm on for him just in case which is used once a week.
He will come home from work, get changed in the living room leaving a pile of clothes and his bag in the middle of the room and play his ps4 for the rest of the day. Theres a lot of small stuff he just doesn't get. Clean the sink of tour beard trimmings, if you piss on and behind the seat you have to clean it up or it gets rancid and gross. There's lots of other things he does where he cannot function if he lived alone.
I genuinely thought he had developmental delays, in my head people don't struggle like this without something not working right. Me being nice and supportive decided to research a bunch of things to help him cope with his day to day. I have star charts, mini posters around the house with pictures going through the process of how to do things step by step. Ive got a little calender on the wall for his tasks for the day that he can tick off, I have even changed the way I speak to him to be more direct with a bunch of positive reinforcement. It hasn't helped 100% but it did help a little bit. Its more manageable.
I've never invited friends around my place and have never told anyone about his issues. I didnt want to embarrass what he couldn't help as its our business not the rest of the worlds.
A few weeks back I went to visit a very close friend who I havent seen in a long time. It was just me and I stayed over for a few days. It was really nice not having to look after my boyfriend, as she is someone who I've been close to forever and trust with secrets I opened up about struggling with my boyfriends issues and how I'm thinking of pushing to get him a diagnosis.
Turns out he isn't developmentally disabled, he just went straight from living with a mother who did everything for him to me. Its a somewhat common thing that a lot of men need to grow out of when they reach adulthood.
Do you know how mortifying it is to find out that your boyfriend is just lazy and you being nice and helpful is actually a waste of time. Me and my friend keep messaging each other about this and I'm close to just packing it up and leaving.
I am such a massive idiot, I should have noticed it sooner or told someone sooner. None of this keep it between us malarkey.
Fuck.
TL;DR: my boyfriend would rather I think he is developmentally delayed rather then look after himself.