Submitted by SplendidMellon t3_11xno2i in tifu
Update: Against peoples best wishes, I stayed up long enough to get some shopping done, I also had brunch with my girlfriend to make sure I had eaten enough. I got about 10 hours of sleep and feel pretty good now, i think the total time awake ended up being about 74ish hours. Despite what poeple think I promise I wasn't on the cusp of death. About to eat again and reply to some comments
-Okay it's 1:46am Wednesday the 22nd here and I (22M) have been awake since 12pm Sunday for what I think makes almost 62 hours. I want to list a few observations
For context this obviously wasn't the desired outcome, it started as intending to stay up for one night to get it done and got out of hand. Also I in no way encourage taking ritalin the way I did or mixing it with caffeine. I’m an Architecture student in Australia and have an assignment due Thursday night and I had barely started. I’ve been fueling this exercise in what now feels like self torture with, and do your best not to judge me:
-Food. Sort of. On Sunday I ate approx 300 kcal of leftover pasta. Monday was a big one. Unfortunately I did forget to eat all day so it was a single godly meal centering on the divine Large Zinger Box. This was paired with 3 wicked wings, a maxi popcorn chicken, a supercharged slider, and a pepper mayo slider. No idea the calories but well and truly a “feel like absolute shit” quantity. Tuesday I had 2 baos, a far cry from the prior binge but havent had any desire to eat
-A steady supply of (prescribed) ritalin, starting with 40mg at the beginning of a dedicated study session and an additional 20mg every 3 hours to account for the half-life.
I estimate I’ve munched down on about 300ish mg so far :(
-Caffeine. Far too many monster mango locos, monster zero ultras, and cans of red bull. A simply exquisite ritalin pairing that I could not recommend more, provided you want a couple of your primary senses, and what feels like new ones all together, to gain the ability to scream at you with each rapidly quickening heartbeat.
-Pure delusion and stupidity with a helping hand from the sunk cost fallacy
Now The Issues!!
-okay the biggest thing is paranoia. At almost all times I can see what looks like someone moving just in the corner of my peripheral vision. Any small noises become an immediate spike of dread. I'm sitting in my uni commons room completely alone and don’t really feel safe (i know i am)(probably). I fear they notice me seeing them and hide really quickly. Will need to investigate further.
-Lack of ability to think/plan. I just spent a good 3 minutes trying to plan how I would walk out of this building. None of the routes made more sense than another and I couldn't mentally envision myself moving at all so they seemed equally good and worth re-pondering to get to the bottom of this dire conundrum. I should also add that I had no intention of standing, let alone going anywhere, it was just to see if I could, then I got lost in it until I realised I'd been staring at the wall for far too long. I'm also realising I can't conjure any mental images up either. Really cool for the drawing part of this assignment where I can't think of what I'm going to draw.
-I just zone out mid-thought and forget what I was thinking about. To be fair I'm like that normally with ADHD too, but I feel like my head’s a colander and my, obviously revolutionary, thoughts are that sweet sweet starchy pasta water flooding out.
-Big jitters, earthquakes in the palms of my hands. Surgery patients fear me and Jazz pianists want to be me. (currently listening to Ryo Fukui’s - scenery, incredible jazz album)
-Not a single thought of value
-Positives however… not looking nearly as dishevelled as I should be. Don't get me wrong, my body's a mess. I’m pissing constantly. Each one a new hue between a radiant yellow and a tasteful sage green, every muscle and joint aching… you just read everything before this, you know it’s not good, BUT,, Hair’s sitting kinda nice, eye bags are hardly there, skins not looking too bad. Overall I'd say a visual improvement.
In conclusion, I spent an hour writing this because I couldn't slam two brain cells together to save my degree. I fear if i wrote “to save my life” some subconscious force would keep them apart just to end this. I might even support the cause at this point. My now 63 consecutive wakefull hours have gleaned me an abundance of sweet fuck all. I truly believe the pitiful collection of sub-par work I slapped together could have been done in a day or so of being rested. And NOT ONCE did that fucker in the corner of my eye offer to help. I will be surprised if it's finished in time. I’m expecting the worst :)
TL;DR
I’ve been awake for over 60 hours to work on a uni assignment. Have done less than I would have had I not. My once throbbing juicy brain is a mere paste pooling at the base of my skull. I fear failure is unavoidable and the consequences of my hubris lasting.