TIFU by telling a girl I has sex with another girl

Submitted by a_darling_l t3_y1swxb in tifu

I (17 f) got out of an abusive relationship with a 17(f) ex gf. for context I was at a very low point in my life I was 15 failing all my classes, drivers tests, not even landing any job interviews, etc. I was barely getting out of bed and then I met this girl. she was chill at first and we lasted 14 months. by the end of it we had done some stuff im not proud of. she was nice during it and it's like it was the only time she was ever nice anymore. so it happened often.

I ended up breaking things off with her.

it's been a few months and i met this new girl, 18(f) she's sweet and different and kind and nice to me all the time. we meet in art class. we've been on a few dates and shit and I found out she views intercourse as something that is supposed to happen later. I've now come to that conclusion as well, but I brought it up later when my ex came by that we fucked. nothing really came of it but I don't know what to do. she isn't blowing me off but she's not responding anymore. I'm super worried I maybe pissed her off or she realized maybe I'm a horrible person and I'm freaking out. what do I do to fix it?

we're going on a date tomorrow at 2 but I don't know what to say or even if she wants to see me anymore. help.

TL;DR. I screwed a girl months ago at a low point and now my new best friend (who I've been in love with for months) might hate me because of it

edit: we went out and it was really well. she asked me what really happened and I told her everything and she told me she was proud of me for what happened and how I handled it and told me she didn't judge me. we're not officially dating but I really want to ask her out. my best guy friend is coming over to help me figure out how to properly ask her out without sounding like a child. I just hope she likes me back at this point :) thank you for all of your help everyone you have been so surprisingly kind

update two!! I'm glad to say we're finally girlfriends! I asked her to be my girlfriend on Halloween after agreeing on matching costumes. she said yes and we (including my best guy friend) spent the night at her moms place watching Ghostbusters on repeat.

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LuckyBastard8484 t1_irzbych wrote

My advice is to gain some perspective. You’re 17 years old and have a whole ass life ahead of you. You should be enjoying being young and free, not stressing over puppy love.

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a_darling_l OP t1_is0hon2 wrote

I'm not sure if it's puppy love I've known her for a while and were planning onto going to college together and getting a shared job. we're best friends and you're so right since I'm only 17 and there's no way in hell she's the one but I mean I have to try right? I've been in love with her for months but otherwise you're so right thank you :)

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HammletHST t1_irzxxka wrote

Teenies shaming themselves and/or each other about sex is always so sad to read...

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Ainar86 t1_irzxtor wrote

A conflict over conservative values between teenage lesbians. Well, now I've seen everything.

Now seriously, the best answer anyone can give here is probably try not to worry about it. What's done is done and what matters is if the two of you want to be together. If either one doesn't at this point then it was always going to end up like that. Better sooner than later, moving on is easier when you're young, even if it doesn't seem that way.

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a_darling_l OP t1_is0d08z wrote

she has extremely homophobic chirstan parents and likes to live by their rules which im totally gonna respect. I'm just picking it cause sex made me feel horrible and icky for lack of a better word. as to what your advice is thank you so much for that. I think she still likes me because we're best friends but if that's not what she wants then I have to let her. thank you so much :)

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Ainar86 t1_is5oorh wrote

As someone who was raised catholic but is now atheist I can tell you right now that it is impossible to truly live by that rule set and be happy, especially if you don't conform what they consider "normal". What happened might in the end be better for you since being with someone who is taught to hate themselves is not a fun trip.

Now the second thing you wrote is worrying. Sex should never make you feel horrible and icky. Think about why it did, was it because of the place you were in and because it was part of that general low point in your life or maybe you felt pressured into it? It would be ideal if you could talk to someone about it, preferably a sex/mental health professional or at least a good councilor.

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a_darling_l OP t1_is6a7w5 wrote

I totally get it I was raised catholic/Lutheran. different parents type beat. I just recently got out of that whole mind set as much as I could I was just hoping I could help her since she's trying. 2nd it was mainly cause of the religious part and also cause of the girl and everything. the place the girl the time everything but I think I should talk to my therapist about it. thank you so much for this comment it made me smile :)

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a_darling_l OP t1_is6acuy wrote

im also an atheist I forgot to mention that :)

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Dr_Leroy79 t1_is027no wrote

There's absolutely nothing that can be done about yesterday. If anyone has a problem with anything from your past then don't try to force the issue. Just let them continue to move forward in their lives as you continue to do the the same. As was stated in an earlier comment, you're 17 and have your entire life ahead of you. The most important thing you can do now is decide who you want to be(yes, that is a choice) and take steps everyday to become that person. Anyone or anything that falls outside of that doesn't need an ounce of your attention.

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Spazn3905 t1_is2ngow wrote

Aw sorry u are having this issue, but trust me by the time you are my age at 32 and still dating. Everyone comes with a past and some baggage. If your significant other can’t accept that you are you because of it they are not the right person for you.

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Yummy_Tennis_420 t1_isrpl47 wrote

Reddit likes to give a more liberal view with out considering other sides... There is nothing wrong with EITHER of you. If she wants someone who waits to have sex, that's fine as she probably views sex as something very special that she wants to do with someone who has also waited.

Its also fine if you don't feel like that, and at 17 you will find someone who views this stuff the way you do and you will have a good relationship with them.

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01siners t1_iswmyjx wrote

Exactly this. There are still people in this world who view intercourse as something that should be done exclusively with their lifetime partner.

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SethMalcolm1 t1_is0adxi wrote

Honestly if someone doesn't want to be with you because you had sex, you dodged a bullet.

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a_darling_l OP t1_is0b1dh wrote

that's actually a really good perspective thank you

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martyr1337 t1_is08wdk wrote

I lost my virginity when i was 19. Chill tf down lil bro

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a_darling_l OP t1_is0d5cb wrote

DID YOU KNOW the best scientific age to lose your virginity is 19 and people who do have higher credit scores? heard that in my psyc class like a week ago but it's probably not true so it's funny you say that now

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AcrobaticSource3 t1_is38zlq wrote

Sexually experiences and high credit scores? THAT’S THE COMPLETE PACKAGE

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Slightly_Salted01 t1_is3pfyb wrote

this does sound like some teen shit

don't break your back over these issues; you should be more focused on finding out the type of person you want to be rather then feeling bad about something you did with a different person in the past

if she's bent out of shape cuz you had an experience before she was involved in your life, she's likely not a great person to have new experiences with

I guaranty you that as you get older all this stuff becomes more and more meaningless; the story of losing your virginity becomes more of a random question between partners that rivals the emotional weight of asking "coke or pepsi"

focus on making your life great and not so much on feeling bad about what happened in the past, especially with someone you thinks trying to make you feel guilty because of it

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a_darling_l OP t1_is3y2pr wrote

real thank you so much I just really hope I didn't upset her that much cause she's been my friend for a while and i dont want to lose that. but that is right and thank you

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Justaskingyouagain t1_isdy4dt wrote

As someone who's been in 2 long term relationships... My advice for you is to have fun, don't try to settle down til like late 20s ... Have as much fun as you can in your 20s! Don't be tied down to just one person for long time, see what's out there and experience life!

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Smirkydarkdude t1_iso8uso wrote

It must be exhausting to have this much anxiety.

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a_darling_l OP t1_isocsq2 wrote

it is

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Smirkydarkdude t1_isot1rh wrote

Ok... I don't partake personally but you seriously need to smoke some weed and relax a bit. Is it legal where you are? If no... ROAD TRIP to Canada! And just stop stressing. Seriously. Life is short. Be calm. It will all work out.

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a_darling_l OP t1_isoujhi wrote

ROAD TRIP TO CANADA???!

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Smirkydarkdude t1_isp11nv wrote

Yes. Recreational weed is legal country wide. Pot shop on every corner. Just don't take it to the USA. PS don't take health advice from Reddit Randos either. :)

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GuiltyButterscotch64 t1_isur44e wrote

If someone wants to be around you they will be around you. You can't change your past and you shouldn't have to feel bad about it. All your experiences have led you to who you are today.

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a_darling_l OP t1_isydchx wrote

that makes me feel a lot better about this whole situation thank you :)

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Figgy20000 t1_isxik7n wrote

You're 17. That's the best time to fuck around with as many people you want (or don't want), find out what you're actually into and what you want in life and everyone who shames anyone for it should be ashamed of themselves. You have at least another 13 years before you need to start looking for a serious long term relationship, you probably aren't even out of high school yet. Enjoy it while you can and don't let anyone put you down.

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a_darling_l OP t1_isydfbb wrote

this is such a confidence inducing post thank you so much :)

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