Submitted by usernameisafarce t3_y8jiq4 in tifu

Shaved my beard and lost my homeless chic. Went to a concert by myself. I was sitting at the bar by myself waiting for the concert to start. This hot girl with tattos and dreadlocks came by with her friend sitting right next to me. They got it going and two minutes after the friend left. She gave me million signs and looks and I just ignored her cause I'm a ducking loser and have zero social skills. Was too nervous. Then at the show she came sitting next to me and the same thing happened, she got angry of me being a weirdo and left. I fucking hate myself and just needed to pour this shit out somewhere.

8

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

Mrstark1995 t1_it0px3m wrote

Everything that happens is a lesson, all you can do is remember this for next time so you don't blow it again.

2

Sally8967 t1_it0xqpq wrote

Don’t be so hard on yourself! It can be really hard to muster up the courage to talk to a stranger especially not knowing if there going to be kind in response or not. All you can do is learn from this and you could even try to meet people in a different way such as online dating so you won’t feel awkward in an in person situation! It is not always on the man to make the first move also, women can make the first move too! Keep trying it will get better :)

0

Maleficent_Town_5427 t1_it0z6ig wrote

This is my life story. Can it talk to women in fear of reject or sounding corny

2

Significant_Stag t1_it19y3q wrote

Buddy, we're peas in a pod. I find myself in nearly the exact same situation.

I went to a concert last night with friends and I end up sitting next to this girl who was giving me obvious signs for hours to talk to her. She made idle remarks with me, put her hand on my shoulder while we were singing, swayed into me with the music; I feel like an idiot describing all this because all I did was laugh nervously and tell her to have a good night at the end of it. I was just too caught up in the show and beer to catch on and I was slow to realize.

On the ride home I was already beating myself up about it. I was in a slump all day today. But it's alright man, we'll spend a few days ruminating and then learn from it. I also have lacking social skills, so it should be no surprise when people like you or I fail to make those connections with charm and tact on our first few encounters. Like all skills, it'll take practice and experiences like the ones you and I just had to grow and turn us into the version of ourselves that we want to be.

But you should feel happy about the progress you've made. Putting on a fresh you and doing things on your own is already a massive achievement. I've being doing road trips, camping, and going to events solo for the last couple years and each experience makes me prouder and gives me confidence. Be glad and recognize the accomplishments you've made, not lament over the things you've yet to achieve.

I also happen to be going to my first concert solo next month. I don't know about you, but it's comforting to know that there's other people out there working on the same goals and fighting the same fight as me. Maybe I said a lot of things that you already knew, but I think I typed this out for me as much as I did for you.

We'll be alright man!

9

usernameisafarce OP t1_it1qozk wrote

Thank you for sharing. You are totally right! The concert was good and I did enjoy. I know now, and keep it as a mantra, that if I want something I should break shyness. A bit practice and I'm sure it will work. Good luck !

5

usernameisafarce OP t1_it1r1ge wrote

Thank you! I am tired of online dating, I feel like it is mostly about sex and that the relations I made using these apps are somewhat shallow. I am trying to get to know someone irl hoping it be different, but I'm so freaking alone it is hard to go out and meet ppl that way. But I'll keep doing so and remember your advice! Thank you

2

pingalordlmao t1_it1toti wrote

A good trick that helps with social anxiety and shyness which helped me is literally just having conversations with random strangers. I started with cashiers at the supermarket, they're literally paid to have conversations with people so it's an entirely inconsequential encounter. I also started talking to security guards because more often than not, they're bored as fuck and appreciate the distraction for a while. Eventually you can build up to talking to people in a queue, random people at an event or bar and then eventually the absolutely gorgeous girl at the concert. It's all practice.

A good thing to keep in mind is that if the conversation doesn't go anywhere, both you and the other person will likely forget about the entire encounter very quickly, especially if you try to talk to lots of people. If you find it difficult to start a convo, practice "statement + question". E.g "Oh man, I saw the cutest puppy on the way here, he had the cutest floppy ears. Do you like dogs or have any pets?"

A random veteran I met in a bar once told me "talking is muscle just like anything else, you gotta train it" and it's 100% true. I used to not be able to approach anybody, now my job literally requires me to approach random people on the street. I get rejected 100 times a day and yet I can still approach anybody because I know that realistically nothing will happen.

Don't be too hard on yourself man. It's a skill you have to train. And hey, hopefully you'll see her again and you can both laugh about how nervous you were this time around, if she even remembers you at all. Chin up fella.

17

awfuldaring t1_it3sf52 wrote

Well why didn't SHE start talking? It wasn't your fault.

Next time, smile and say hi. Also, have a few questions to ask when you go in public (don't be freaked out over memorizing them but literally saying anything will help the conversation), or make something up like I would talk about the music you're both listening to. If you fuck it up again, well, you'll never see them again, so who cares.

4

usernameisafarce OP t1_it4vziy wrote

Don't get me wrong. I think you are right. But at least where I live in I think it is so rooted that the man makes the move that it is really paralyzing for girls to just start talking. Even frighting. Maybe this dude is aggressive or violent? Maybe he's a freak show. I think it's a mixture of culture and self thoughts that makes this reality. You are right. Next time a simple hi or few generic question is precisely what need to be done. Thank you for your comment

4

NecroticYT t1_itmybl9 wrote

i know I'm outta the place but where's the flair and tldr

2