Submitted by Educational_Glass_47 t3_y9hpms in tifu

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First of all everyone was so so sweet to me and really supportive and I wanted to say thank you. Also here’s that update everyone was asking for.

We had a conversation and talked about how we felt very clearly. He had caught on to the idea that I liked him but after a few days and we both thought about it separately (before the conversation this is what we talked about) it wouldn’t be the worst thing but we wouldn’t seek it out. We realized it was mostly pressure from people we knew and that whole “I kinda want a relationship” thing. So after talking it out we decided that no, we won’t work together nor would we be comfortable taking that step in our relationship. And we’re both ok with that. I genuinely think it’s mostly that whole “cuffing season” thing of everyone getting into relationships at once and we happened to have been spending a lot of time together.

So unfortunately for everyone saying to update after the first date: there’s not going to be a first date. Just a healthy friendship where we’ve promised to bring these kind of things up in the future if it becomes a problem jeopardizing our friendship.

TL;DR: I told him I thought I liked him but turns out we’re both just lonely being at college



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Defender1x t1_it5xkzo wrote

Very mature of you both. Happy things went well.


spider-bro t1_it8wb1f wrote

The only problem is, young people are supposed to be immature not mature. And if they never do the immature things, they never develop the experience that actually matures them.

Making no mistakes at age 19 is a huge mistake.


MARTIEZ t1_it93xzn wrote

why make mistakes that you already know to avoid?


spider-bro t1_it95w1q wrote

OP doesn't know if this is a mistake or not. Comment OP is confusing "risk aversion" for "maturity" here.


One_Waltz t1_it9kuea wrote

Idk… they did say in their post they realized it was mostly pressure from other people.


spider-bro t1_it9ucqf wrote

You may be right actually. From her original post:

> I proceeded to think about it all night and have come to the conclusion I have feelings for him.

Thinking all night is not a very good way to detect feelings.


SylvanGenesis t1_itwxe6a wrote

In fairness she also is neurodivergent, so sometimes this is actually the best way to detect feelings because you wouldn't be sure otherwise


buttlickka t1_it66ac6 wrote

Honestly, being as young as you are (I’m 38 and still feel like I’m only just figuring things out) you have shown maturity that I absolutely didn’t have at that age. Probably because I’m a male and a big boof head. Stay true to yourself mate it will never fail you. BIG HUGS! Hahaha


-SheriffofNottingham t1_it73o7j wrote

can confirm. I am 38 and don't know anything


UniqueUsername718 t1_it7d6nd wrote

You’ll figure it all out when you turn 39 like me. Lol, jk. I too don’t know anything.


Brevemike t1_it7gw4g wrote

Not to worry. By the time you hit 50 you won’t remember not knowing anything.

No, seriously..I can’t remember anything now.


rengothrowaway t1_it8o4m0 wrote

You made it all the way to 50 before you forgot everything? Lucky you! I’m 41, and I can’t remember what I did this morning.


BangBangMeatMachine t1_it7w1d9 wrote

Good news. Once you cross 40 you'll know everything. Much of it will be wrong, but what's important is that you'll be sure of it.


OddEar1529 t1_ita4h2z wrote

And then you cross 65, knowing that you do know everything and you are sure of it ecause you know that it IS correct!...but you just can't remember it...


becelav t1_it7rp2i wrote

Knowing you know nothing is still knowing something.

You acknowledge you don’t know everything and that’s something many people lack.


spider-bro t1_it8wg4h wrote

I'm 39 (going on 40) and know all sorts of shit because I acted out my idiocy when I was younger.

Acting mature is overrated in the immature.


12altoids34 t1_it7n1lx wrote

I kind of went the other way. I was overly cautious. And often hid my feelings for someone completely. I also absolutely refused to show any interest at all and girls that my friends were interested in, my friends ex-girlfriends, my friends younger or older sisters or friends of an ex girlfriend. Retrospectively I have learned that I missed out on a lot of relationships that could possibly have been very good relationships. Unfortunately the few times that I did end up mentioning that I had feelings for someone in one of those categories it was usually too late at that point the moment had passed.


405134 t1_it9nkuq wrote

Lol you big “boofer” you didn’t even need to tell us how old you are , we could’ve guessed by your words alone. Lol. (No offense tho, just being silly)


Harry_Gorilla t1_it61paj wrote

So now you can be lonely together… I think?


MoistCatcher t1_it692gx wrote

They're definitely going to end up dating. I'm calling it right now


GhostNinja1373 t1_it7vhmc wrote

Yeah i mean to me moments like these just tell me that some people are soo defensive and acared to take the next step so they stay where they are.

In their case it aint too bad because they both seem to be the same so maybe thats good for them to heal


blackoutintended t1_it6i6v4 wrote

I'm in a kinda same situation. someone I like told me that he liked me and I said I don't wanna be in a relationship rn and I'm afraid I'll lose him and the friendship we have rn if we took some steps forward and he was so understanding and said that he respected my choice but ever since that day I can't stop thinking about him or wanting to get closer to him. He's on my mind 24/7. I really don't know what to do


daggly66 t1_it6u4d1 wrote

You will have lots of "friends" in your life, hardly any "I can't stop thinking about him". You will likely regret not exploring this later in life. My 2c.


GhostNinja1373 t1_it7utpd wrote

To bad many people never understand this or are scared to get into that relationship due to their past or what ever.

I know it has happened to me and it leads to regrets which is always the worse feeling and staying a "what if" and what if that would have turned into a fun relationship and not just stay a friendship?


spider-bro t1_it8x2sw wrote

I think one of the hardest things about communicating with young people is they don't understand just how much having regrets hurts.


Arch315 t1_it9v22i wrote

I understand it but my brain still cba to care or do better for the future 😭


blackoutintended t1_itasdvl wrote

Or maybe sometimes we're too scared of having regrets?

Like now I'm stopping myself from being with him because I'm afraid I'll regret it later


SylvanGenesis t1_itwyml4 wrote

You'll regret not doing something much more than you'll regret doing something, in general.


Dicer214 t1_it6kvrm wrote

Have you tried talking to him? “Hey you know how I said I didn’t want to see where things went with us? Yeah I changed my mind, get your dick out.”


Senevir t1_it70vj6 wrote

I was in a similar situation. Someone confessed to me, and even though I liked him too, my last relationship had been really bad. I wasn't sure how to be in one again, and told him that I wasn't ready. I was scared that this decision, my rejection of hin, would ultimately change our friendship dynamic, or he'd withdraw from me, but he didn't. He didn't change at all. Didn't treat me differently. Didn't push. A few months later, I initiated conversation with him, and we're together now.

It's scary. I was terrified of losing this person who made me laugh every day. It had a happened before. I think that if he is worth it, he will think that you are worth it, too. If it was meant to be, he will wait, and treat you kindly. First and foremost, you need to be ready and at peace with yourself.


GhostNinja1373 t1_it7uh2g wrote

To me when that happens it means you missed the signals and that you are in denial of liking the other person after all.

Somethings we auto do this or as they call it "self sabatoge"(typo?)

I say reach out to him to see how hes doing and if hes still single and to ask him on a date since its in your court now.


spider-bro t1_it8wxpv wrote

Yes you do. You're just afraid to do it because you're young and you think a life without mistakes is better than a life with mistakes.

You're wrong though. Mistakes are how we improve. Your platonic friendship, that innocent period before your mutual attraction became conscious, is over.


Airam-kun t1_it81bmh wrote

That's somekind simillar to how I started dating my best friend, at first I confessed to her and she didn't reciprocated but we were in good terms and still hanged out frequently (by frequently I mean a lot).

But suddenly (for me), after a couple months, she told me she really liked me out of the blue, I was greatly surprised and happy because I felt the same and now she's my grilfriend! I'm a lucky man.

Perhaps your friend still has feelings for you, I think you should give it a try and confess your feelings, I think he might feel the same; but if not, I'm sure he will understand. Gather your courage! I'm sure both of you will continue having an awesome relationship regardless of the outcome! My sweetheart also feared losing me but I reassured her that that wouldn't happen, good luck to both of you!


DaRealBangoSkank t1_it6okwj wrote

As a dumbass who just learned to stop banging everyone at almost 40, good on y’all for the self awareness


RyGuy_McFly t1_it6mofe wrote

Imagine being lonely and having the ability to turn down romantic advances. This is a power I yearn for, but not one I would know how to wield.


jetofalltrades t1_it6t5gc wrote

If it's someone you can't stand I'm sure you can muster some strength to turn them down.🤣


spider-bro t1_it8xcct wrote

Sometimes when there are people I can't stand, I imagine how overjoyed I'd be to see them if I had lived on an alien freightliner for 20 years without seeing another human, and then one day we roll into port and I'm unloading containers of plasma coils and there's that person I hate, eating a bowl of grosh wurms and looking lonely.


phreek-hyperbole t1_it5xk3q wrote

Being lonely sucks


GhostNinja1373 t1_it7vldq wrote

Yup especially when you dont have anyone or even people/friends to chat with even about stuff like this


DaCamelJockey t1_it7nu29 wrote

You did the right thing. I, 35M, have a female bestie that everyone swears we would be perfect together. We both have been through messy relationships and are just happy to still have each other. She's still getting over a rough divorce, and you can see the progress from a few years ago. There are times that I feel we would be amazing together, but I wouldn't trade that friendship for anything. Even now, after almost 20 years of being close friends, we still call each other up randomly and hang out til the wee hours cooking, watching shows, talking, doing puzzles, or going out places like in college. Maybe one day down the road we'll end up being more, but I can confidently say that I'm glad we never tried forcing it to that next stage from peer pressure.


harlojones t1_it63vt2 wrote

Sweet sweet loneliness


Shr_mp t1_it69dud wrote

Ended on a somewhat positive note..


philosoraptor_69 t1_it6fk2x wrote

I tell you guys now, they'll be together within 4 years, update us in 4 years alright?


dicemechanic t1_it7gmlg wrote

you are the most mature person on reddit, where's the award for that??


bjarbeau t1_it8h2rd wrote

Fwb never hurt no one


So_Say_We_Yall t1_it74xqo wrote

I genuinely hope that my children will be anywhere near this mature at your age. Kudos to you and your friend.


spider-bro t1_it8xnyy wrote

I genuinely hope my children will be immature when they're kids so that they can be actually mature as adults and not just faking maturity their whole lives, confusing safety for wisdom.


powerposepenguin t1_it75wt5 wrote

That's awesome I'm glad you both could talk about that and are comfortable with it! This also proves that friendship sometimes just is friendship even between man and women. And even if you end up dating in case feelings in the future might change, the communication between you two will be top notch


ikwoker t1_it7cefe wrote

College can be lonely for sure, so when you find the right friends -- really invest in one another. Also, it's really mature of you to be able to talk it out and accept the understanding of what's not just within, but around you. Perhaps a nice warm blanket + whatever genre of movies you like and a cup of cocoa would help. Put time into others outside of 1-on-1s is always a good approach too.


SharksForArms t1_it8rnzn wrote

I wish I were mature enough to "communicate" when I was 18.

It's not exactly related to your situation but my best advice going forward is to never date someone from your friend pool. If you are interested in someone you meet, let them know that from the start. Transitioning from friend to something more almost always shakes out to be a dramatic nightmare.

Don't be afraid to approach someone you are interested in, you don't have to wait for them to make the first move as long as you are open and respectful.

Honesty and communication beats the hell out of the emotional game-playing you see so much with people in their teens and 20s. You sound like you've got a good start on it and that really is the key to every good relationship.


jakedrago14 t1_it9jn8w wrote

Aye a happy ending. You guys had a deep talk about maybe having feelings for each other and if you wanted to pursue it and then both mutually agreed to hold off on that. That's a friend you need to keep!


redecided t1_it9lh2c wrote

It sounds like the guy handled it like a pro from his end.


VectorVanGoat t1_ita988o wrote

I’m so happy to read your update! And I’m so impressed by how well you two handled things. This is very level headed and mature. It can be so easy to fall into the same flow and feel pressured into a relationship but you handled this so well. I imagine you have a lot more mature traits that will help you be successful in your future.

All the best to you both!


Leviathan_327 t1_itcqc2n wrote

It's nice to play it safe. Hopefully this takes the pressure off and further in time if there's still interest you can explore then.


_Poulpos_ t1_itfuc2d wrote

best mature friendzoning


that1senpai2 t1_it8sgnz wrote

Damn, that last sentence got me. I'm 31, back at college, and have never felt more alone in my life