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cyclops_strenuus t1_it5sco6 wrote

Listen, i think you're very brave for telling her about it. Now you're panicking, which is understandable, because you don't know what comes next. But your teacher sounds like a good person, I'm sure they will do everything in their power to help you. I think this might be the starting point for a process that will do you good!

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Keepmessingupp t1_it5v7rs wrote

thankyou so much, it feels so good to have people not point out that i made the same mistake twice and rather support me. thankyou.

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[deleted] OP t1_it8ehzr wrote

[deleted]

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Keepmessingupp t1_it9sscm wrote

thank you deeply. I would like to think she felt that way too as I have a hard time trusting people due to other events from the past that have put a large strain on my life. I am learning to move on, but I am also learning to find ways TO move on, as I have seen psychologists and counsellors, though I can’t bare even trying to be transparent with them.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I am like this, in the past I was always so apologetic for the tiniest mistake as I got yelled at, belittled, called names, and talked behind my back to my family telling lies about me if I did something wrong in the slightest. I don’t have an amazing relationship with my mum, we are close but not close enough that I tell her things important, worrying or saddening to me.

I have had a chat to one of the counsellors here, but am now refusing to see them because I truely don’t see it going anywhere. I honestly do feel like a huge failure, even though I am young, and even despite having large achievements. Thank you for your comment, I do really appreciate the support.

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Original-Trust-1665 t1_it9tyy7 wrote

Hey. I know the feeling with struggling to be honest about it in person. I have a suggestion that may help. Once youve got someone you feel ok with, ask if you can interact differently to help you get it out. Can you write a journal and commit to twice a week writing about the past, the present and how you feel. Or a letter to get it all out. Or homework style, they give you some questions to answer at home where you feel less vulnerable. They can then read these, give you advice on what youve written and carry on. I know its hard and feels embarrassing to say somethings out loud. Find a way you can let it out, you can speak out loud when you are ready.

Could you arrange a dual appt? Have the teacher you trust in there as a chaperone, or to be able to look at them and talk not the councillor. Sometimes having someone in your corner helps.

Youre doing great by talking and finding help. Think of the ways you would be comfortable. It doesnt just have to be an uncomfy chair at either side of a bizarrely low coffee table! You'll find a way that gels with you

P.s. sounds like you have a lovely teacher.

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Keepmessingupp t1_it9uw8n wrote

She is, and I wish I still had class with her. I am good at english and always loved english, and with english comes poetry, so I do have some poems saved in my notes from the times I have tried journaling but in a different way.

I do like the suggestion of having someone else in the room with the counsellor, that seems like a really good idea but I would need to work out who as almost everyone that i’ve ever opened up to initially told me I could come to them and talk to them whenever but decided that was a no go for them after I finally gather the courage to open up. Thank you, and I will for sure take these suggestions into consideration.

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