TIFU by not realizing how many clothes I had hoarded over the years

Submitted by MistorMiss t3_yem5v0 in tifu

I have been cross-dressing for almost a decade, and I have also lived all those years in close quarters with my parents and sibling. I live in a small place with relatives, but I had managed to keep things organized, but the fact that some items became out of easy reach as they accumulated made it hard to keep track of how many clothes I was gathering. This is where I knew I was fucking up, but the thing is that since most of the stuff was so well hidden I lost track of how much I had because realistically I wasn't going to move dozens of pounds to access my oldest outfits, so the hoarding took place silently over the years.

Skip forward to today, I moved into a a new place that is much larger. It is until now that I'm organizing the barrage of things that I had that I realized what a fuck ton of clothes I have. I have been looking for places to donate the items that I will purge, but haven't had much luck so far. I was thinking of just going to Goodwill, but I have heard of that they aren't very responsible with donations, specially with bras.

Edit: thank you to those who offered advice. I'm finding good local places to deal with my dilemma.

tl;dr: Upon moving I realized that I had gathered a unfathomable amount of female clothes as a closet cross-dresser. I need to purge clothes to a reasonable amount, but I am still figuring out the best way to donate or recycle the spare.

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Eskarinastar t1_ityqr7a wrote

No-one at goodwill will question you, for all they know you're dropping stuff off for your mom. Also I'm not sure because I'm in the UK, but here we have clothing donation bins when you just drop off the bag, no human interaction. As to the bras it depends on store, here if they've still got labels on and clearly unworn then I think they can be donated?

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Cyneganders t1_ityx5nd wrote

Every country I have lived in has had these bins, it's just a case of finding them. Half the time even the locals don't know...!

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wonderabouttheworld t1_iu0tpx5 wrote

Jumping in to say that there are MANY better places to donate clothing than goodwill. They're a pretty skeevy organization with a spotty record. If that's all that's available to you, then by all means, I'm not saying never donate or shop there. I WILL however emphasize how shitty the salvation army is and how they actively donate large sums to suppress LGBTQ+ rights.

If you can find an organization with local roots and it's not a logistical problem to get to them, please try to donate somewhere more socially responsible.

Another note is most clothing donation bins that you see are subsidized private organizations that often just dump or ship clothing overseas and very rarely if ever actually support communities or people in need.

Just do a quick Google for other options near you.

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Feedme10tacos t1_iu2xh45 wrote

Yes! All this! I have a women’s shelter that I donate to. Its all very clandestine to keep the women there safe (often cases of domestic violence). The send a person to meet me in a random always different parking lot, and then take the clothes back to a warehouse which then sorts thru them and delivers to the women. I always feel like I am in a super secret spy movie when dropping things off!

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SunnySamantha t1_iu2uhnj wrote

Bras, even heavily used ones are very much sought-after. They often get repurposed.

I've seen a ton of old bras at good will as well. Pretty sure they just don't take panties, cuz that's gross.

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mckoul t1_itzg1nc wrote

If you all lived in one room, there’s no way your family doesn’t know what is in the bags

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Puzzledwhovian t1_itzqfpx wrote

I agree. How OP thinks that they could hide a ton of women’s clothes from family members while they lived in one room is beyond me. Dude, they know they just aren’t saying anything.

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MistorMiss OP t1_iu2wry2 wrote

At this point I am aware that they probably sort of know, but they have never caught me dressed up. However, I have to say that upon the day that I started putting clothes in plain sight, they never suspected a thing. I did laundry when I went out and kept it as hidden as possible.

But yeah, I don't think they're that naive.

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andherewestand t1_itz2xyg wrote

Goodwill won't even look at what's in the bags until you're long gone and it probably won't even be the person that took them from you, so I wouldn't worry about that. They aren't going to keep track of who dropped off what, trust me. They don't care. And even if it was obvious upon drop off, you could be doing it for a friend or family member, so nobody would even blink. No need to be secretive/nervous.

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Titariia t1_iu03dvc wrote

And even if, what are they gonna do? Talk to their coworkers about that boy that donated women clothes? They wouldn't even recognize you the next time you come in if you're coming back in the first place. Maybe they even pick out something for themselves. They couldn't care less.

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Fester_The_DJ_1 t1_iu2r8zc wrote

Trust me, I know they don't ask or care whose clothes you're donating, or why. To them, it's just another donation. I know that because years ago, I volunteered at Goodwill.

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dixiebelle64 t1_itzksq1 wrote

What about a place that will actively use and greatly appreciate your donation like a domestic violence shelter? Women leaving abusive situations do not always have time to grab things. Or is there a trans teen shelter in your area? They always need things for kids who get kicked out of their homes for who they are.

Goodwill does good things, but so many of their donations are trashed it isnt funny. Among other organizational defects.

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wiedmaier t1_iu24vfv wrote

Contact your local youth homeless shelter. I used to run a drop in center for youth experiencing honelessness and nobody EVER donated bras, so when we got them they were gold.

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AngrySchnitzels89 t1_iu2v3im wrote

Not me, remembering the time I was 14 and homeless.. I was in a neighbourhood that had bags of donations out the front of their homes, ready for pick up.. I cried when I found a bra and it fit me. Still needed safety pins but luckily I had some. Wore that bra for nearly two years, patching it up when it broke and I had a needle and thread.

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AngrySchnitzels89 t1_iu2v700 wrote

And thanks for reminding me of where to send mine. I bought a few online and don’t fit. I’ll be sending them off tomorrow.

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diverareyouok t1_iu1qkuv wrote

u/MistorMiss - this is a great idea. Goodwill is probably going to trash a lot of the stuff, so why don’t you give it to a battered women shelter to help victims of domestic violence rebuild their lives?

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MistorMiss OP t1_iu2yedi wrote

I had been searching but was finding articles with big name donation organizations of other states. I just searched "shelter donations near me", and found many places. Thanks, I will look into those.

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bicmedic t1_iu0ioyx wrote

If you all lived in the same room and you really have that much then there's no reason to fear coming out. They already know and just haven't said anything.

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emmetthale t1_ityqlic wrote

goodwill is always a good place to donate but there’s also clothing exchanges or donations for trans and gender non conforming people both online (will try to find my bookmarked source for this but i saved it a while back) and sometimes for local areas depending on your location ! whenever i’m getting rid of clothes i always try to see if anyone there can use them first because when i was first thinking about transitioning i survived off of donated clothes worn in secret

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AllanfromWales1 t1_ityr39w wrote

Go to goodwill shop. "My niece died. I have no idea what's worth keeping. Can you take this stuff off my hands?"

Or come out of the closet..

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Resafalo t1_iu138kz wrote

Just go there and „Can you take this stuff off my hands?“. They don’t care.

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Ana_jp t1_iu1gmfz wrote

The best lie is one that doesn’t need to be told, and therefore remembered.

Unless someone asks, and basically no one does, just say nothing.

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nichtgefunden t1_iu1s9i3 wrote

I send my son with bags of my clothes to drop off. They are a few blocks away so he walks with a big bag and then comes home. I can't imagine that is an unusual occurrence.

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ZirePhiinix t1_ityr7ag wrote

If you haven't worn it within the year, it is time to donate it.

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CharlieBravoSierra t1_iu069d2 wrote

Though there are exceptions! I keep itching to purge my closet of unworn items, but I was pregnant and then breastfeeding for the last year. I keep having to remind myself that I will get back to my regular clothes in a few more months, and then it will be the maternity/nursing clothes that need to go. Since it sounds like OP doesn't get to wear any of these clothes very often, there may be plenty of stuff that hasn't been worn in a year but is still worth keeping.

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Feedme10tacos t1_iu2xr5k wrote

Yeah, but then baby number two comes around and you are kicking yourself for getting rid of the maternity clothes, lol.

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MasterDiz t1_ityxavr wrote

Even if they're diligent enough to give you a receipt most goodwill/donation places won't ask anything besides whether or not you need a bin for things

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Slabdabhussein t1_iu0kvei wrote

Man todays generation is in trouble if it can't figure out how to either throw out, recycle or donate old clothing and requires a multiple paragraph post to get the point across. We do not care that you cross dress man, we care that you are unable to figure out what to do here when its pretty simple stuff.

feel shame about the clothing? pack it up in garbage bags and say it was leftovers from your girlfriend or whatever or something and donate it to a good will as others have suggested.

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PFRGEM2022 t1_itz5vi0 wrote

there are charities that will take the bras for oversea countries - try smallsforall - or just google 'where to donate bras to' and places come up as options

good luck with the clothes purge!

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rmdg84 t1_itzjrlb wrote

Why don’t you sell the stuff that’s in good shape and try to get some of the money back

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qthrow12 t1_iu0gb9m wrote

Why get rid of it if it still fits and will fit? You will be out on your own one day and have all the room you want.

Maybe get rid of stuff you don't want anymore. But don't purge your stuff out of fear of everyone else (unless that fear is founded).

I mean it sounds like your family probably knows anyways if you really had THAT much stuff in such a tight space. Still hide it if you arn't ready but don't let your family ruin your fun and possible personal growth. It's none of their business if and until you come out and make it their business.

You are 28, a grown adult who can make their own choices, take that stress off and do you within reason :)

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Jacktheforkie t1_itz0msp wrote

Take em to a charity shop, if anyone asks they’re from a family member/ partner etc

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DeGroove t1_itzq2xf wrote

Donate the clothes (including bras) to a local charity. If they ask what you’re donating just say clothes. They don’t know who’s or anything else unless you volunteer the info so don’t.

I’m, personally, not a fan of donating to Goodwill. Goodwill is listed as a non-profit company but the prices they charge in their secondhand stores says otherwise. You need retail money to shop there and that’s of no service to someone in need.

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BoozySquid t1_itzumrf wrote

Goodwill's charity is intended for the good of their workers, not the good of their shoppers. There's plenty about the organization that merits criticism, but don't look to charitable thrift stores to be the cheapest. The idea is that their sales turn into job training and placement.

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kittykate1994 t1_iu1zwh2 wrote

They pay their disabled workers sub minimum wage.

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BoozySquid t1_iu211cx wrote

Yes. And they pay their executives very, very well. and some cherry pick their goods for valuables and then sell them outside the community in which they are donated in order to maximize profits. Some have been found to vastly overinflate the values of donated goods for people seeking tax writeoffs. Like I said, the organization has problems.

But the concept of Goodwill is to give disabled or challenged workers an opportunity to develop work skills that might make them suitable for other jobs, or just give them meaning in an environment where their issues won't cause them to get fired.

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kittykate1994 t1_iu2305e wrote

They could do that and still pay the going rate. Disabled people are the only people you’re even allowed to pay below minimum wage.

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BoozySquid t1_iu26scn wrote

I don't think you're grasping my point. I don't disagree with you.

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DeGroove t1_iu172tf wrote

I wasn’t aware of that and thank you for the information.

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Lee2026 t1_iu0q7qw wrote

As a closet crossdresser, this story seems very familiar to me. I’ve also amassed an entire wardrobe for my other self and there are bags of clothes I no longer wear/I’ve grow out of style wise.

I also struggled with sizing and bought many things that did not fit right and didn’t know what to do with.

I don’t think anyone will question you at goodwill. You are donating clothes, they don’t necessarily need to be yours. You can say you are just dropping them off for someone. Either way, I’ve learned to stop caring so much about what others think. The only person who can make yourself happy is yourself; and that starts with loving yourself. Easier said than done

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coopsawesome t1_iu2px72 wrote

Can I ask a question? How did you start?

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Lee2026 t1_iu4422p wrote

I started when I was very young, like when I was 8 or 9. I always had a fascination with women’s clothing but I think like many cross dressers, I began by exploring my sisters or moms stuff; which as an adult now I know was wrong but as a kid I didn’t know any better. I think that contributes to the shame I feel when crossdressing and doesn’t help with accepting myself as a crossdresser. Not to mention my parents never really accepted me as a crossdresser. Eventually someone close finds out, it’s inevitable. I think my parents accept the idea of me being a crossdresser but they don’t actually accept ME as a crossdresser if that makes sense. As an adult I don’t really feel the need for their approval or acceptance anymore, but as a child that was very hurtful.

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Catinthemirror t1_iu2juwj wrote

Please consider donating to the nearest women's shelter. Victims of domestic abuse frequently leave with only the clothes on their backs. They need everything. And women come in all shapes and sizes.

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MissyBee63 t1_iu0ltfo wrote

Goodwill won’t ask you anything other than do you need a receipt.

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skenz3 t1_iu015c4 wrote

You can 100 percent donate bras that are in good shape! In my area in the midwest there's a ton of big brothers big sisters donation bins for clothes that go to teens, I like donating good quality clothes to those. People also mentioned charities for trans people to exchange clothes, those shouldn't be too hard to find if there are any in your area. My area also has a homeless shelter with a section specifically for women escaping abusive situations that i like to donate things like that to. Goodwill will definitely accept the bras if they're in good shape so don't throw those out, they're an item that's in high demand.

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best_use_of_badgers t1_iu08jse wrote

Have you ever looked at ebay or other online sales sources to see if any of those ninja-buys are worth selling online?

You may have been sleeping on a goldmine. It costs nothing to list. Just make sure you have the buyer pay for shipping, and only ship with tracking.

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zedexcelle t1_iu0iy65 wrote

Ebay is not nice to sellers. People can even buy, wear and return stuff. Facebook groups are better if you can.

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Letmf2 t1_iu2gdqh wrote

We don’t use eBay here, so I’m not qualified to give an opinion on it. We do have a very good online market though (Mercado Livre). When buying clothing and some other items (it can be used or new), the buyer usually have a month to return the product and get a refund. I do like this, as I’ve returned a dress it didn’t fit. Obviously you need to return it exactly as they send it (so if there’s indication that it has been used it would fit the policy, but I don’t know what happens, as I never did something of the sort).

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cpureset t1_iu2oxlb wrote

True. But Facebook groups don’t offer the same level of anonymity.

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zedexcelle t1_iu3t1iy wrote

Ah. Yes, I had forgotten that part which is extremely important here.

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TruCelt t1_iu304yo wrote

OP, I don't recommend selling the clothes unless you have kept the receipts for them. A friend of mine listed some old clothes for sale online and the police tried to bring her in for questioning. Apparently it's fairly common for shoplifters to steal things and then sell them online. Most people don't just have the receipts lying around.

Nothing came of it, because she wasn't a thief, and wasn't dumb enough to volunteer for their little fishing expedition. But it's still risky.

There is no reason anyone would question you donating clothes though.

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cartoonist62 t1_iu1zf04 wrote

Since nobody has seemed to touch on this yet. But when trying to sort through the clothes, Marie Kondo's teachings can be handy. There are many episodes online (Netflix, YouTube, etc.) But the basic philosophy is "does it spark joy?" If not, thank it for it's service and bless it as it goes on its next journey. It sounds basic, but it really can help a lot!

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EveryFairyDies t1_iu2ht7a wrote

In the words of Marie Kondo, keep only those clothes that ‘spark joy’. Donate the rest. As others have said, Goodwill aren’t going to question you about it. Bras should be ok if labels are still attached and they aren’t worn. Underwear/knickers/panties, whatever they’re called in your country, can only be donated if they came in a sealed plastic bag which is still sealed.

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Purplestarfire1 t1_iu1w5oh wrote

You can easily take them to any donation center. Nobody will ask questions because they will assume you're dropping them off for someone else and likely just don't care. If they ask questions then you can tell the truth or lie and say they are your sisters or friends clothes or something. Nobody will know the truth if you don't want them to.

If you want to get rid of bras and underwear keep them on separate bags from the rest when you arrive or before you go, ask if they will be accepted. If they can be, cool. If not I'm sure there's other places that will take them. Homeless shelters are always in need if there are any around you. They won't care as long as they are in hood repair and it would be best if they were cleaned. There are no shelters in my area so I have no idea what the requirements are since I don't have any to give to.

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Jenderflux-ScFi t1_iu2ba6c wrote

Are there any homeless shelters or domestic abuse shelters nearby that you could donate to?

They would love to have unworn clothes that still have the tags on to give to the ladies there to help them get back on their feet.

They will not even question why a man is dropping off womens clothes, for all they know it's from a family member and you are the one handling the donation.

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StonedAndParanoid t1_iu2e4ub wrote

If you're looking to sell any of them, I adore clothes and also horde them. Lolol I know that's a big hassle too tho

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Fumquat t1_iu2pwmr wrote

Please don’t throw away the bras!!

There are several worthy charities that collect and distribute them… Where to donate bras

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ch1burashka t1_iu2v8fm wrote

You'll probably want vacuum bags.

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No_Love_1353 t1_iu014yk wrote

A women’s shelter might be a good choice?

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turdennis t1_iu0y63e wrote

solution: give some to me (JOKING)

you could always do a donation drive and get clothes from other people and THEN throw in the clothing you want to get rid of! if anyone asks, say it was a donation from someone!

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autumn_rains t1_iu1otht wrote

As far as deciding what to keep once you have established meaningful place to donate (and they won't judge or ask questions-- they'll be grateful) look up Marie Kondo and her process of letting go of clothes. I know you probably won't heap every single item onto your bed, but that helps take in exactly how much you have to deal with and how important it is to minimize. Let the clothes connect with you. If it doesn't, or you haven't worn it in a year then let it go with gratitude. It's a very cool and even spiritual process and you'll end up with items you cherish most or the ones that make you feel best. Good luck. You've got this.

Edit: typo

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nichtgefunden t1_iu1sr6p wrote

Do you have a refugee center nearby? Ours takes clothes in good repair for new arrivals. No one will care that you are bringing women's clothes. They will probably assume that they are your moms/sisters/girlfriends/whoever.

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_eternallyblack_ t1_iu1zdl1 wrote

I donate to goodwill ALL the time. They just take the bags and it’s then sent for processing elsewhere. I’ve actually seen some of my stuff on the goodwills online store, like my old purses or higher end stuff. So you definitely don’t have to worry about the local place sorting it and they would never remember you anyway. You could also take it to homeless shelters, or battered women’s homes/organizations in your area.

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weary_dreamer t1_iu2b8ib wrote

Just to be sure, Goodwill does not give a fuck. And donate those bras, a lot of low income women would be happy to wear them

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GooglyEyez29 t1_iu2l20n wrote

Move out... your 28. Jesus problem solved

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s1n101 t1_iu2pazs wrote

I bet you could absolutely find other cd's that would love to get clothes without having to go to a store. You could be someone's hero. You could also see if anyone has had a recent fire or some other tragedy that left them without.

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lizzielou22 t1_iu2wy96 wrote

If there’s a queer centered clothing donations center in your area absolutely no one would question you. Hell, at a thrift shop they wouldn’t question you either. I’d try to stay away from goodwill and the Salvation Army bc they are questionable orgs.

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newerdewey t1_iu2xboe wrote

thought this was gonna be moth related b/c moths are always the sign my clothing hoarding is out of control

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Interesting-Song-782 t1_iu35re1 wrote

Have you considered resale sites like thredup or poshmark? Make a little $ while keeping clothing out of landfills 😀

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MAT__rix t1_iu6qebc wrote

You fucked up

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livvy94 t1_iuacf95 wrote

You might consider donating to a local LGBTQ center, they hold clothing drives.

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Ktulu789 t1_itzc15j wrote

Can't you seek those clothes?

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BdotEscro t1_iu0vw2x wrote

TRULYTRUE TRUE, I agree with you completely absolutely and I agree with your perspective

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acowstandingup t1_iu1y3si wrote

How about you learn how to manage your money properly and prioritize getting your own space over buying clothes

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