TIFU by saying something without thinking and losing my friend

Submitted by gay_panda56 t3_yhuqxu in tifu

Idk where else to put this, me and my two friends were hanging out and we were having a stupid fun fight about Mac n cheese stupid shit. One of them has a shitty family situation and they said some thing about my family or whatever, and with little to know thought I said "you can't be talken" as soon as I said it I just thought "oh fuck wtf why would I say something like that" after a while of me sitting there in silence he left and I did too, I apologize profusely. He ended up saying he doesn't want to hang out or talk to me anymore understandably. Just fuck omg, he was a good friend and I fucking lost him because I couldn't think, even if I thought for two seconds I wouldn't have said it. I wouldn't have said something to fucked up to someone who has such a shitty situation. Now he is gone and I just sit here feeling like shit which I deserve. I'm a shitty person and I can't find the strength to think "I can make myself better I can grow, I need to work on me." I just sit here for hours hating myself all alone. I just wanna give up completely but can't because of my family. Idk how long it's going to take until I get over what I did. Ugh I'm fucking lost

TL:DR

I said something terrible without thinking and lost my friend.

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Comments

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Filteryourmoment t1_iuh28nw wrote

So the really shitty thing you said was "you can't be talkin"? Having a shitty home life doesn't give your friend the green light to joke about other people's situations without any kick back.

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MariamDeserved t1_iufuodp wrote

How old? I dont think it was any big of deal, but you werent rude and you apologised showed your remorse on the spot, there is nothing wrong with you, you are completely normal

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expressoyourself1 t1_iufw3sw wrote

I would wait a week or 2 and reach out again. Distance from the sting of the comment may help it along.

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gay_panda56 OP t1_iufwgh4 wrote

True I'll try I just don't wanna push to hard if he truly wants me to stop talking with him thx

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expressoyourself1 t1_iug24pb wrote

I get that. But a respectful "hey, I'm still kicking myself and have deep regrets. Hope you can forgive me at some point" is low pressure and opens the door for him to respond if he wants.

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PkmnMario t1_iuhqiwj wrote

If you lost a friend over four words after he provoked you first, that might not have been a strong friend

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Plainstation4now t1_iufuq3j wrote

Sounds like he took the first jab, if you live in a glass house you shouldn’t throw stones. I would remind him of that and apologize on top of it, then let that be that and maybe he just wants time to process the situation, and whatever happens, it is what it is.

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gay_panda56 OP t1_iufwprk wrote

Ya you are right, i wouldn't wanna go through what he is going through, if someone said something like that to me I would want space from them, I wanna and need to grow and better myself alot

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Plainstation4now t1_iufxkzx wrote

That’s a good outlook, but to clarify my feelings about it, he did mention your family first, that’s on him, unless what he said was vanilla by comparison you shouldn’t feel too badly about what you said.

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Prinz_ t1_iugb03d wrote

Remind him of that? OP isn't in the right. I'd argue that making light of someone's shitty family situation is a lot worse than someone talking shit about someone's comparatively better family situation.

Apologies don't come with "well you started it!"

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Plainstation4now t1_iugbo46 wrote

I don’t know for fact what was said, nor the specific context of their relationship and their conversation, but if your family has problems, maybe don’t bring up problems in someone else’s family.

That’s all. It’s a general statement.

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eternal-harvest t1_iugbalq wrote

Yeah, it sounds like the first comment was teasing/lighthearted and then OP went straight for the jugular.

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Plainstation4now t1_iugbtys wrote

Yeah maybe, and honestly it is a rude way to respond. Should always think before speaking, generally.

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Filteryourmoment t1_iuh2ff1 wrote

Having a shittier home life than your friends doesn't give you a green light to talk about their families? Maybe her "friend" should have kept his mouth shut if he gonna throw a hissy fit over a comment like "you can't be talkin"...

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coyotecoolant t1_iugeodc wrote

First of all i can sympathize with you OP, because I have ADHD and generally find myself speaking before I think. just the other day i made a joke to my friend that came out the wrong way and i felt really shitty about it.

It sounds like you struck a soft spot, and perhaps your friend was already dealing with some internal emotional stuff at the moment. If you guys are good friends already, trust that one comment is not going to change that. Everyone slips up every now and then. Sounds like you had no malicious intent whatsoever.

Give him space for a few days and reach out to him to clear things up. In the meantime, do something to help yourself calm down. Don’t beat yourself up over something that already happened.

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AcrobaticSource3 t1_iug90vw wrote

Mac n cheese always brings out the fierce, I like the traditional elbow macaroni and four cheese with breadcrumbs on top, who wants to debate?

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Artanis709 t1_iugbuyz wrote

No debate here. But I will raise the point that shell pasta reigns supreme.

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justsayjim t1_iuhjlg6 wrote

Ooo! Ooo! Shell pasta, please, mater. I'm off to play the Grand Piano!

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noonnoonz t1_iujc6tq wrote

GTFO with your bendy noodles and fancy real cheese. Short straight tubes and an orange powdery concoction of, what I expect is, Cheeto factory floor sweepings for my KD.

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CrossXFir3 t1_iujd1an wrote

I have a crab cake mac n cheese recipe that's fucking bomb

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MaxTheCatigator t1_iuizuex wrote

He made his own fair game by trashtalking yours. It's the same logic as "Don't ask if you have problems with the answer". Or challenge you with "you won't dare anyways" and then complain when you do that thing.

You have no reason to overly blame yourself. You weren't even specific, you remained well within the bounds of what friendship allows.

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Apollyom t1_iujwlr5 wrote

I don't understand why "you won't dare anyways" is bugging me so much despite it being equivalent, to "you wouldn't dare anyways".

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Afrenc3931 t1_iuix3vs wrote

It should be a sub rule that the TL;DR have more meaningful info than the post title

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wrekd t1_iuj8bp5 wrote

I hate you now too.

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LisitaAvalos86 t1_iui9emw wrote

You’re not alone, OP. I’ve definitely said some shit that I regret. What you said definitely hurt your friend, and they may need some time to figure out their feelings, so give them some time and then try reaching out again. Stress that you understand that what you said was completely wrong, and that you want to be able to make amends. I don’t know how your family is, but I do know that this relationship is not all lost, it’s just hit a bit of a bump in the road. It can be saved. Your friend just needs some time.

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Affectionate_Math_96 t1_iui7e7u wrote

People make mistakes. Wait a while, then message him and explain. If he still doesn't want to have any contact with you then it's time to accept that and move on.

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ThisSorrowfulLife t1_iuimcon wrote

Take responsibility, learn from it, leave him alone and move on. You're obviously very young so hopefully this is a lesson in thinking before speaking that you can learn and take with you into adulthood. Also im sure a little comment like that isn't just what caused him to cut you out, it's highly likely you've built a mountain of stupid things and haven't realized, and he's finally sick of it. If he wants to attempt at giving you a second chance in the future, which he 100% doesn't have to, he will reach out.

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gay_panda56 OP t1_iuirrs1 wrote

I was thinking about it and how he easily didn't want to talk to me anymore im can't figure out if I built a mountain of things or mabey it was one thing that hurt so much that he doesn't wanna be friends anymore

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monstblitz t1_iuizwwm wrote

How long ago did this happen? How old are both of you? If it's a really close friendship - just give him time to cool off and apologize again. If he can't forgive you for words, then he was never that good a friend. Close friendships are built on lifetimes of overstepping! There's an old saying that goes, "familiarity breeds contempt." I don't think it goes that far, but we tend to pick on the people we know best the worst. Just the way it goes wrong or right. I think he'll get over it and you'll be fine.

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tany4k t1_iuj9wjo wrote

Mistakes are made, things are said with a hot head, but it's fixable and you can make it up. Just give it time and remember to learn from your mistakes and be humble.

Hope your friend and let go also, holding on to something said with a hot head is not healthy.

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GLDFLCN t1_iujmwq3 wrote

That ain’t a friend my guy

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jello-kittu t1_iufy35v wrote

I love a good email or note - because it's not something you thought out to cut him down. He said something as part of a silly game you were both playing, and you said something defensive back. It's probably not a good type game (for anyone) to play with him, talking about families when that's a shitty area of his life. Everyone gets defensive about family. But it's going to go wrong for him pretty frequently unless the other person is willing to to have their family slagged and not say anything.

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