TIFU BY ACCIDENTALLY GETTING CPS CALLED ON MY PARENTS

Submitted by Throwaway2756655101 t3_z53lp8 in tifu

Throwaway because I have family on Reddit who know my personal account.

So yeah, title explains it all, I got CPS called on my parents by accident. Obligatory this didn't happen today, but they just contacted us the other day for a full investigation.

1 (19) have had mental health issues for a long time (anxiety, depression, etc) from past traumas relating to a previous step-parent, luckily they're long gone, but my family has never been anything glamorous since.

I've always dealt with feeling unsupported, made out to be a house cleaner, as well as just a general waste of space when I was younger. My mom treats me more like a best friend than her actual daughter (allowing me to smoke weed, drink, etc, and even buying things for me) and her boyfriend does the same. Plus we've always had money issues until very very recently.

About 6-7 months ago I did a half assed attemnt at suicide (not my first) due to extremely bad mental breakdowns and depression, and I ended up admitting myself to the hospital. When I got out I got referred to a program for emergency therapy, I ended up telling that therapist some things that in hindsight, I should've never told them.

My moms boyfriend has a pretty absurd temper at times, and when I got out of the hospital (yes the exact day) he decided to initiate a yelling match about how I don't hang out with friends anymore (all my friends moved away for college), and how I should quit my job because it was clearly making me worse. Another time a week or two after that he decided to initiate another argument about how he was upset over me not taking 5 classes in my first college semester while I was working, and how saying that I didn't want to get too stressed out during my first semester was apparently threatening to kill myself to guilt my mother. That argument ended up with me crying in bed and asking my moms boyfriend to leave my room while he yelled at me saying "you don't have the fucking balls to kill your self." So I told my therapist all of the above, and some more I can't remember rn.

My family and I were living at a house where the rent was pretty pricy. It worked on a well system and sometimes when the well pump failed the landlord would take forever to fix it and so there was points where we wouldn't have running water for a week straight. Thus we relied on one of those water dispensers that use those big water jugs. Needless to say sometimes my parents would be too broke or too forgetful to buy more water for the dispenser, so we once went 1 1/2 weeks without drinking water, as the well water was full of too much water to drink. Because of the expensive rent, the food/necessity situation in the house really wasn't that good, with me having to buy groceries and even toilet paper for the house while I was trying to save for college (I also paid $400/month to help with rent). My parents also tend to ask me for money a lot, so sometimes they end up owing me $500 at a time. One time they even took my card and bought $80 worth of cigarettes on it. I told my therapist all of the above.

I also quickly and briefly mentioned that my parents sold "substances" for a bit a while back (they haven't for a couple years now) and my moms boyfriend ended up having to go to rehab for an addiction because of it. I foolishly told my therapist that as-well.

I now see that I fucked up majorly, as I thought that the therapist couldn't do anything as I was 18 at the time and I recently just realized that the age of adulthood where I'm from is actually 19 so my parents still held responsibility over me at the time as I was still considered a "child"

I ended up telling my mom that CPS was called probably because of my old therapist and the things I mentioned that were going on at the time. The email mentioned "emotional abuse" and "child neglect" and we have an in-house inspection coming soon. I just pray to god the case worker doesn't mention drugs, cause then I'm truly screwed.

TL;DR attempted suicide, got a emergency therapist, ended up telling them about my family issues cause I thought they couldn’t do anything. They called CPS.

Edit: thank you all for your kind msgs and support! I now understand a bit more about how CPS works, but idk if my country does it differently but honestly it still probably works the same. It’s just my family is a lot better now financially compared to when I had this therapist, and I only have to lend money occasionally now. We moved to a house with clean drinking water right off the Cities water line a couple months ago, and we can afford rent and food, and are basically living the best we can! What I told my therapist (and said in the post) was the situation at our previous house. My moms boyfriend hasn’t even said anything comparing to what he said before since as well.

My confusion sure is setting in now though. I never considered my household to be a mentally abusive place since my mom split from her ex-husband. Cause if you thought this post was bad, he put me through 10x worse. Whenever I have also complained about my current living situation as well, my mom has always caught wind of it and said that i was just always overreacting, and that it always could be worse. So idk if that’s manipulation on my moms part or if it’s truly not as bad as it seems.

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L31FY t1_ixu146l wrote

You aren't the wrong one here. They mistreated you and should have done better as parents. Telling someone wasn't wrong. If something happens to them it's on them, not you. That is consequence of their actions. Nothing about the words emotional abuse or neglect is untrue if what you said is accurate. Don't try to clean up and hide stuff. Don't lie about things because you think it'll help you. If they're hurting you and doing this, that needs to stop and maybe just stop trusting them so much since they clearly don't understand what family is supposed to mean and they don't actually seem to care as long as you pay up.

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Throwaway2756655101 OP t1_ixu1aen wrote

The thing is i also have a 10 year old sibling that lives with us, and I don’t want anything to happen to them

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SkyScamall t1_ixuizl6 wrote

No running water in a house with a ten year old is also grounds for reporting them. Your sibling doesn't deserve that. Even if they're treated like royalty. A kid deserves to be able to take a shower and have their clothes washed.

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L31FY t1_ixu1x0k wrote

Is is better that they end up with emotional issues and abused? They don't just take you away. A lot happens first. Think about any of the things that you went through and if you'd want more of that for them. Probably not. Your parental figures are going to have to clean up their behavior and that's not any of your fault if they make bad choices. Those choices affected both of you and will continue to if they don't get it together.

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Throwaway2756655101 OP t1_ixu2902 wrote

They don’t treat my sibling like they treat me though, they’re practically the golden child and my mom chose to raise them right and unlike she raised me. My sibling wasn’t old enough to remember the terrible things their dad/my old step-dad did to me and my older sibling (who’s been living with my bio dad for 6 years now) so they’ve been left with no mental scars or depression, and my mom and her boyfriend baby them. At this point they’re like my moms boyfriends real child

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jenkinsleroi t1_ixug8ou wrote

Based on what you said it sounds like it still is not a good environment for your sibling to grow up in.

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L31FY t1_ixvfubn wrote

It definitely creates other issues even if they're sheltered from the bad things they experienced although I guarantee people hear stuff through walls or from other rooms. Kids also know way more about situations than they ever let on until someone asks usually because they're afraid they're in trouble or someone they care about is. You end up with not knowing how to take care of yourself at all and being entitled if you aren't disciplined appropriately or taught what to do and not do like if you've had it all done for you always then you simply expect it then won't grow up any. I don't think that mindset should have had a ton of time to set into someone who is ten yet so plenty of time to change that and not let it happen before they turn into a dysfunctional person due to the lack of parenting. The obvious issue still lies in that there was literally not running water and that is a basic thing anyone should have. It's not overreacting that child services is involved at all here to at least check in.

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YourLocalWhiteKid t1_ixulmg6 wrote

I promise you it won't last for them and the niceness will fade overtime. This is your chance to do something about it before it gets worse for you or others

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jenkinsleroi t1_ixunh05 wrote

Or, they could overindulge the sibling who then becomes an insufferable and generally messed up person in a completely different way.

At the very least, they will not serve as good models of responsibility.

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KarasLegion t1_ixv2spt wrote

I promise you are wrong. First of all they see how you are treated and I'm sure have been around to hear the "yelling matches." And what you think is being treated better, you may be unable to tell that they are still not being treated well, and are probably being treated wrong in another way.

You did nothing wrong here. And if cps deems everything okay, which sadly... They probably will even if they aren't okay. Then it's w.e. But your siblings will still likely have different scars.

But maybe we're wrong, and they will be perfectly fine. Of course I hope that and it's okay for you to hope that but don't let yourself be blind to the possibility. Remember individual perception matters.

And even your guardians may not realize how bad they are if they were treated badly. "I'm better than my parents were" doesn't mean much sometimes.

Trust me... I know.

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Itrampleupontheeye t1_ixvlpis wrote

Not having running water and living with abusers IS ALREADY HAPPENING to them. Being treated as a golden child is ALSO abuse. The bad thing is already going on. CPS isn't there to rip kids away from their homes and shove them into boxes to be tortured, they're there to help your parents get their shit together and be actual, good, responsible, caregivers.

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tompba t1_ixu2fns wrote

If they are going to become a depressive and suicide person like you they are better in any place for sure. Hard truth to swallow, but your parents aren't good people for what they did to you.

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Trouble_in_Mind t1_ixv7d0p wrote

Yeah, COS intervention might actually be better for your sibling so they don't go through any of the same abuse you do. This isn't a TIFU. You did the right thing by talking with your therapist, and they did the right thing by trying to protect you and your sibling. Your mom and her bf are literally abusive, based on your description, and your therapist thinks so too.

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zyradyl t1_ixu2img wrote

Your parents had CPS called on them because they needed to have CPS called on them. You didn't "do" anything besides telling the truth, and the therapist then responded. Your parents behavior is not normal. CPS may have resources that can help you AND them. One of the first things they do is try to see if there is a way to give the parents additional support to relieve stress/etc.

I was a mandated reporter and had to call on someone once. They actually helped the mom to find childcare so she could work, thus lowering the financial stress. Family breakup is usually a last resort.

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Cmndrkool321 t1_ixu9f05 wrote

Your therapist is a mandated reporter. They are legally required to report any sign of abuse/neglect done towards children, dependent adults, and seniors to the proper authorities or face legal consequences.

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insensitivecow t1_ixugf4a wrote

You didn't screw up. You aren't there to protect your parents. They need to get it together

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sweetcaro-va t1_ixvipui wrote

Yes exactly. Your parents should have been protecting YOU, OP. That’s the way this whole parenting thing is supposed to go.

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psyk2u t1_ixu0sra wrote

Don't feel bad. Your parental figures should have been better people.

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ilovechairs t1_ixulqd4 wrote

Your mother and her boyfriend should have had CPS called. They weren’t doing the bare minimum, and when your older you’ll understand that it’s not a mistake.

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keishajay t1_ixum8eq wrote

You didn't fuck up. You're supposed to be open with a therapist ESPECIALLY enderby your mental health is a life it death issue OP. I wish you all the best. Plan your exit, get therapy or find a support group. This trauma has lasting effects on your health. Look up ACES. Adverse childhood experiences. Childhood abuse and adversity literally shortens lives and negatively affects health and disease. You deserve love and good care and I'm sorry that your caregivers did the opposite. X

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Grey_Sith t1_ixuqf44 wrote

Man I know this situation so badly. I know you wrote this cause it causes you more stress to think about the consequences but I assure you that this was the right thing to do. Not only can this help your life, but also your families and siblings. CPS won't just barge in and take kids away. They will investigate and try to find ways to help the family better care for the children. This could not only help you, but the whole family. You have done nothing wrong in this situation. Let them help and don't hide anything from them. Your life is tough and you are valid in every feeling you have. I hope things get better, and keep fighting. It's worth it.

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Cadenceofthesea t1_ixv6xdl wrote

I second this!

In some cases they recommend family therapists, support groups, and parenting classes. They are social workers that understand the world isn’t black and white.

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Beautiful-Elephant34 t1_ixuu378 wrote

You didn’t fuck up. You’ve been abused and don’t know it because for you it is normal. If CPS can help you, I would really try to get help. You really don’t want to end up like your mother, she’s not a good parent or person it sounds like.

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The_AnxiousFem t1_ixvey88 wrote

Nothing about this is a fuck up. Your parents are the ones who continually fucked up and you have been the victim. I hate that you feel guilty for shit that isn't at all your fault. You deserve a family that cares about you.

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BangBangMeatMachine t1_ixuzyo9 wrote

I'm sorry but all those things sound like good reasons to have CPS called. Maybe CPS isn't the best solution, but your parents not being able to guarantee consistently available drinking water is a big problem. Your mom's boyfriend sounds like a mess of a person and not a great person to have in your life.

The reality is that when parents can't care for their kids, CPS steps in. And it really sounds like there are times at least when your parents aren't able to care for their kids.

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SensorialSpore5 t1_ixuv7tx wrote

Hey I just wanted to send lots of love your way, the things you've been through sound awful and heartbreaking.

I saw you mentioned a younger sibling in a comment and I can respect you wanting to stick around to protect them. Whether you want to stay or leave that house is your choice. Just please know that you do deserve to be treated better by your parents and that your therapist should have had a discussion with you before filing a report. The way your mom's boyfriend spoke to you is abusive and you don't deserve that at all.

I hope you can find places to reach out for support becuase what you've described is more than anyone should have to shoulder alone.

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catincal t1_ixux2z2 wrote

It must be difficult because you still have to live with them. Is there someone else you could live with? A family member, friend, or someone you work with? You didn't make a mistake. Yes it's going to be awkward (to say the least), but it may be the best thing when you look back. Maybe this therapist can actually help you get out. Keep going, you are definitely worth it. Normal parents don't swear at their kids and tell them things like they don't have the balls to kill themselves. (I would've said, "Um, I have ovaries." But that's just smartass me.) Mental abuse for years is not ever acceptable. You are too nice & need to get tf out. Don't worry about them anymore. To Thyself be True.

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coybowbabey t1_ixv04hp wrote

doesn’t sound like a fuck up, sounds like they’ve been abusing you and taking advantage of you and they deserve to have cps called because none of this is healthy

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jmmorart317 t1_ixvfkz6 wrote

Do not regret telling all this to your therapist. That’s what they’re there for. They’re not there to pass judgment, they’re there to help through any trauma you may have experienced. Please continue being open and honest so that you may have a healthy life.

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stiletto929 t1_ixvzgjn wrote

CPS got called because your parents are abusive and neglectful. You didn’t eff up at all.

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Cadenceofthesea t1_ixv6j5w wrote

OP, you’re getting downvoted a lot, and I need you to know that most of the people here don’t know what it’s like to have that type of relationship with their mother.

My biological mother similarly treated me closer to a friend than as their child, well it’s a long story, but CPS was called for a reason.

I don’t think the downvotes are warranted because these internet strangers don’t have enough context for your protection of sibling and yourself.

Op if you need someone to talk to, inbox is open

Good luck

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Apprehensive_Try7137 t1_ixvgdm4 wrote

Not seeing anywhere here where you fucked up. Hope things are better all around with you.

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No-Cupcake370 t1_ixwd800 wrote

None of what you described is ok, especially since you said you have a child sibling who lives there.

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lalabrat t1_ixwaezg wrote

My child shared info with a friend that started a CPS investigation. It opened my eyes to the effect of the abuses in our household were effecting her when I thought I was shielding her from it. You did not FU. I hope your eyes are opened.

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shelbycsdn t1_ixuymi6 wrote

You did right, not the least of which is the fact that to get useful therapy that will actually benefit your mental health, your therapist needs to know the full picture. They are very limited in the help they can offer you if you are hiding things.

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chuckmeister_1 t1_ixvwpgw wrote

You did absolutely nothing wrong. Always feel free to open up to your counseling. Your parents, sorry to say, do not know Didley Squat about parenting. Keep working to better yourself through hard work and schooling if you can afford it and you will rise above. Then remember your life lessons to hopefully break the chain and have a brighter future for you and your family should you have one in the future. Good luck and trust me things WILL get better for you if you want them to.

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Isgortio t1_ixwb6e4 wrote

Your parents are shit parents, you've outlined it right here. They deserve to have CPS called on them, and if you're old enough to work you're probably old enough to go somewhere without your parents and take your younger sibling with you. Obviously it'll be difficult with school and working, but it's an option they'd look at if they were to remove you both from the household.

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Throwaway2756655101 OP t1_ixx4b1w wrote

My issue is that rent is extremely expensive where I’m at, with 1 bedrooms starting at $1000+ if you’re lucky enough. I want to move away, but I just can’t

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Isgortio t1_ixyryub wrote

I had the same issue, so I moved 3.5 hours away from my parents. Are you able to do a house share or something?

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UnquestionabIe t1_ixvsffw wrote

I'm sorry you have such a difficult situation but want you to know that I find it very inspiring and wonderful that you're still motivated and do your best to keep working and looking to better your life. I have a coworker the same age as you whose situation is similar in some regards (nowhere near as abusive as I can tell) but he seems completely mentally checked out. His only concern in life seems to be to get high/drunk with his parents, it really depresses me and makes me feel bad for him but it's so difficult to engage him about something so personal. But hearing this story gives me some hope for him, that with any luck he still has some of the spark you seem to have in you.

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Throwaway2756655101 OP t1_ixx4p6c wrote

Honestly my only goal in life is to be comfortable. I’m going to college to hopefully get a high enough paying job to be comfortable and not have to live paycheque to paycheque. I just want to be ok in life at this point. 3 more years and then I can finally be on my own.

I also stopped smoking weed on my own lol. I got tired of it because it was so readily available to me, same with alcohol. I started both at about 14 and at 19 now I barely do it. It’s useless to me, because I hate the thought on being dependent on something so shitty. It’s just not worth it

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Hatecookie t1_ixwohuq wrote

I understand that you feel you fucked up, but you are being abused. The situation you are in is abusive. The atmosphere is abusive, the people are abusive. It may be better than it was before, but like all kids, we only know what we grew up with until we get a little older and see how other people live. Soon you’ll start to discover that your situation was exceptionally bad. The more successful people you meet in your life, the more clear it will become to you that you were being abused. I grew up in a terrible situation myself, but managed to make friends with decent people, and I kind of learned not to talk about my home life because it bummed everybody out.

I hope you can afford to live on your own soon.

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introsetsam t1_ixwrsj5 wrote

After reading your update, I’m a bit more concerned for you. They’ve clearly convinced you that below-standard care is the norm and have neglected you and your sibling so much that you guys don’t even know it. They got CPS called on them because they are terrible parents putting you directly in harms way. They are an active detriment in your life. Even though you say things are sooo much better now, I don’t they are. You just have never experienced healthy parental relationships, so you don’t know. You said you “only have to lend money sometimes now” as if that’s a good thing. I’ve never lent my parents money, they have NEVER asked for it, and I’m darn well sure they’ve needed help in the past. But that was never my burden. A parent doesn’t make their problems their child’s, a parent doesn’t allow their child to not have access to water at ALL times, a parent doesn’t allow their child to be screamed at by boyfriends encouraging suicide. And I won’t lie, if your water frequently breaks and the landlord doesn’t even fix it… I doubt the place you live in is actually expensive at all. They just tell you that because everyone in this has such a skewed perception of normal. They took your money for $80 of cigarettes, and you think the reason they can’t afford rent is because it’s overpriced? I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but man I really hope your eyes can be opened to how not normal this is, and how much your mom deserves to have CPS look into her.

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Throwaway2756655101 OP t1_ixx3pt3 wrote

The place we lived at before was $3400 per month, as the city we live in is really expensive. Their cigarette addiction isn’t helpful either, but they both have decent jobs now and can afford rent, the only reason they’ve borrowed money is because they had rent due and immediately after, my cat got into a accident and had to be put down, plus she always pays me back. I know my home life isn’t perfect, I just think it’s personally not that bad compared to other people. My parents have been lazy before with my mom refusing to work a lot of the time, and I also resent her a lot for the things she has put me through. But we’re living rn and that’s all that matters. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with her or my family by any means

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lunelily t1_ixx5l3x wrote

Jesus Christ. If you break your arm, does your mom convince you that you don’t need to go to the hospital because someone else broke both their arms, so it could be worse?

Your mom relying on you like a friend rather than actually parenting you, and minimizing your very real problems (not enough drinking water!! being baited into a suicide attempt!!) growing up in that household as if they’re no big deal, is manipulative as hell.

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Throwaway2756655101 OP t1_ixx6pz7 wrote

I’m lucky with this one, but with every medical emergency I’ve had she has taken me to the doctors and has never once complained as she does worry about our physical health. But sadly I can’t say the same for mental health. I remember once when I was about 13 I went to my mom after a long chat with an Internet friend, and told her that I was suicidal, and she brushed me off. A year after that she found me crying in my room and I told her again between sobs that I just wanted to die. She said it was just hormones and that it wasn’t real. I remember her telling the doctors that “[she] had no idea what was going going, I didn’t know that [OP] was depressed, [OP] never told me anything.” While I laid in the hospital bed after overdosing for my first time. I remember her after that, threatening to drag me to the hospital and get me admitted again whenever I had a severe panic attack about going to school, and at one point she actually did it. She said it was because “I don’t know what to do with you”. The only physical health issue I ever faced when it came to her was because of my self-harm. It got so bad to the point where I cut my legs so deep you could see the fatty tissue, and one of them got infected. I told my mom because I was really worried and she told me to “clean it out and put polysporn on it.” So I did. Every day for the next week. I scraped the infected tissue out with my nails and put polysporn on it every day until it healed because I was too scared to ask her again. Fuck that sounds really bad typing it out now.

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lunelily t1_ixxgygo wrote

Yeah. It sure does. I’m so sorry, OP.

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Blackwater2016 t1_ixxc472 wrote

Darling girl, you did not fuck up. Your mother did by not providing you a safe home. You deserve much better, and you know you do. And so does your sister. They will eventually turn on her too. Please speak to any social worker you can about improving your and your sister’s situation.

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Disastrous_Potato605 t1_ixxqid1 wrote

Better doesn’t mean it’s right. You have a right to human decencies such as water and peace

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Dropitlikeitscold555 t1_ixvss68 wrote

Yes they have fault but OP you are 19, you are welcome to leave any emotional abuse and it’s legal for them to neglect an adult.

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BastardChicken1 t1_ixunr4j wrote

CPS = Childb Protective Service(s?).

Yeah it’s not that obvious outside the glorious US of A.

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