Submitted by Standard_Paper_525 t3_yodjnf in tifu

So to start, I (non-binary; Assigned female at birth) started dating my now boyfriend (let’s call him R) a few days ago. In the past, me and him had a lot of chemistry, constantly talking and flirting, leading to a long on-and-off going out situation. Though we ended up as really good friends.

Later ending both this friendship and on-and-off due to him dating and getting into a large amount of drama with a close friend.

Since this has happened it has been a few months, and we have gotten closer.

A couple weeks back, R started generally getting closer to me and being more physical again. Which I took as a win due to missing his friendship.

Then less than a week back, R pulls me aside from a small group and tells me he misses the relationship we had. Kissing me in the process. Though in the moment I didn’t agree to date him, I kissed him back and later walked him away from the group to his car, with one other friend (Man; let’s call him Z) in tow.

When we were walking him to his ride, he leans into me and without thinking, I assume he is going to kiss me again and kiss him, before saying bye and walking away with Z.

Z is shocked, and asks me what happened and I briefly explain before brushing it off. I go home, and am slightly shocked by what happened but more confused. I have always identified as bisexual(more privately omnisexual), and while I had feelings for R in the past, not leading into much physical behavior, I had lost all of these.

That night, R asks me to go out again, saying we don’t have to be serious and we could simply be more of friends-with-benefits. Me and R were just becoming friends again, so out of fear of losing him I agree.

Now this is the fuck up, the next morning I see him as I usually do every weekend. He pulls me aside from our friends, takes me to a bathroom and begins to kiss me. Without thinking, I pull away and say, “Ew.” He obliged, and then asks why I said that. I tell him that I was just kidding and wasn’t serious, he kisses me again, before we walk back in to our friends.

I have no clue what he told them, but nobody was shocked to see us walk in again. I spent the rest of the day avoiding him in the group, leaving early with a friend (let’s call her A) and telling her what happened.

You might ask, what was the fuck up? After this situation, I think that I am a lesbian…

A says it wasn’t my fault, I didn’t know and he can’t blame me. But I am scared to ruin any sense of relationship we may have. I really valued his friendship, but he is the only guy I’ve ever had feelings for in the past, leading me to believe I am simply a lesbian.

Plus, A pointed out I never thought kissing girls was gross, so why would R be the exception?

Either way, since I’m not entirely sure, consult with her and a couple (meaning around 4 including A) more friends who either don’t know R, or have been long time friends.

Anyway, it gets slightly worse, while I am avoiding R, Z (remember him?) decides to tell multiple close friends of mine about me and R getting together. Leading to R being congratulated by many people for I guess landing a quote on quote, “girlfriend.”

R began to text me asking when I told Z and asking where I went. I tell him I left early and now he wants to see me tomorrow. I tell him I am busy, he begins flirting and says good night? and that is the last update I have.

I don’t know how to tell him I think I’m a lesbian without crushing him, I don’t want to ruin the friendship we have but I’ll never enjoy being his friend-with-benefits especially if there are future benefits he wants. I am not 100% sure so I will wait a bit longer, but how do I end a relationship without without breaking him? I’ll update if my feelings change or if I break off with him.

TLDR: Today I fucked up by realizing I am a lesbian after agreeing to be with a man, and now everyone knows I am “dating” him.

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Traditional_Name7881 t1_ive7p3j wrote

Way better to tell him early, if you keep this going until you find the right time you’ll end up wasting so much time in a relationship that’s going nowhere.

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panbert t1_iveby1i wrote

You don't have to tell anybody that you're a lesbian as you don't know for sure yourself. Just explain to the guy that there has been a misunderstanding, you want to be good friends, but no sex or commitment. Keep things simple.

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ilp456 t1_iveenoy wrote

I agree. Just say you think you should remain friends. As for thinking you might be a lesbian…You can lose your attraction to one person and it doesn’t mean you’ve lost your attraction to the entire gender. I think this might be specific to R. Or maybe not, but it’s too soon to decide based on one person.

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faintestsmile t1_ive83y7 wrote

End it now and get it over with, it's only going to get harder for both of you the longer you put it off. And don't beat yourself up over it, you didn't know.

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MrArendt t1_ivf5ac4 wrote

Has it occurred to you that this might not be an issue of sexual orientation and just that you're not attracted to R?

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[deleted] t1_ivee9pl wrote

Yeah you should end things before making a bigger butt of yourself. There's no good outcomes for both of you, if you keep it up.

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MyLifeasShroom t1_ivf2gsz wrote

I'm a bit confused, do you know for sure you're a lesbian? or are you just thinking that you're a lesbian? Those are two very different things. If you're still confused on where you leaned to, you should be upfront with the guy, and probably consult a professional first. Sorry, I think it is necessary to be extra cautious and sure here.

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Ocean_Spice t1_ivioe1j wrote

Never too late for something like that babes, just let the guy know you aren’t in a good place for a relationship rn cause you’re still figuring yourself out.

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