So to start, I (non-binary; Assigned female at birth) started dating my now boyfriend (let’s call him R) a few days ago. In the past, me and him had a lot of chemistry, constantly talking and flirting, leading to a long on-and-off going out situation. Though we ended up as really good friends.

Later ending both this friendship and on-and-off due to him dating and getting into a large amount of drama with a close friend.

Since this has happened it has been a few months, and we have gotten closer.

A couple weeks back, R started generally getting closer to me and being more physical again. Which I took as a win due to missing his friendship.

Then less than a week back, R pulls me aside from a small group and tells me he misses the relationship we had. Kissing me in the process. Though in the moment I didn’t agree to date him, I kissed him back and later walked him away from the group to his car, with one other friend (Man; let’s call him Z) in tow.

When we were walking him to his ride, he leans into me and without thinking, I assume he is going to kiss me again and kiss him, before saying bye and walking away with Z.

Z is shocked, and asks me what happened and I briefly explain before brushing it off. I go home, and am slightly shocked by what happened but more confused. I have always identified as bisexual(more privately omnisexual), and while I had feelings for R in the past, not leading into much physical behavior, I had lost all of these.

That night, R asks me to go out again, saying we don’t have to be serious and we could simply be more of friends-with-benefits. Me and R were just becoming friends again, so out of fear of losing him I agree.

Now this is the fuck up, the next morning I see him as I usually do every weekend. He pulls me aside from our friends, takes me to a bathroom and begins to kiss me. Without thinking, I pull away and say, “Ew.” He obliged, and then asks why I said that. I tell him that I was just kidding and wasn’t serious, he kisses me again, before we walk back in to our friends.

I have no clue what he told them, but nobody was shocked to see us walk in again. I spent the rest of the day avoiding him in the group, leaving early with a friend (let’s call her A) and telling her what happened.

You might ask, what was the fuck up? After this situation, I think that I am a lesbian…

A says it wasn’t my fault, I didn’t know and he can’t blame me. But I am scared to ruin any sense of relationship we may have. I really valued his friendship, but he is the only guy I’ve ever had feelings for in the past, leading me to believe I am simply a lesbian.

Plus, A pointed out I never thought kissing girls was gross, so why would R be the exception?

Either way, since I’m not entirely sure, consult with her and a couple (meaning around 4 including A) more friends who either don’t know R, or have been long time friends.

Anyway, it gets slightly worse, while I am avoiding R, Z (remember him?) decides to tell multiple close friends of mine about me and R getting together. Leading to R being congratulated by many people for I guess landing a quote on quote, “girlfriend.”

R began to text me asking when I told Z and asking where I went. I tell him I left early and now he wants to see me tomorrow. I tell him I am busy, he begins flirting and says good night? and that is the last update I have.

I don’t know how to tell him I think I’m a lesbian without crushing him, I don’t want to ruin the friendship we have but I’ll never enjoy being his friend-with-benefits especially if there are future benefits he wants. I am not 100% sure so I will wait a bit longer, but how do I end a relationship without without breaking him? I’ll update if my feelings change or if I break off with him.

TLDR: Today I fucked up by realizing I am a lesbian after agreeing to be with a man, and now everyone knows I am “dating” him.