GirlsAndChemicals t1_iydp56c wrote
Reply to comment by SaxyOmega90125 in TIFU by leaving my weed in my bag at therapy. by JrtheFool
"Quit whining" is rarely if ever helpful advice to someone who needs help. As someone who was in a similar position as a teen: you have absolutely no clue what this person is dealing with, or why they're not comfortable with the therapy that's being offered. Assuming that all of the blame is on them and they're just being lazy and ungrateful is not only unhelpful, it's actively damaging. You're telling someone they need help while going out of your way to be hurtful to them. That's a very shitty thing to do.
ETA I sincerely do think you're trying to help and I don't mean to be aggressive, I've just been on the receiving end of this type of advice enough to know that it absolutely is not helpful.
SaxyOmega90125 t1_iydpzna wrote
Well, the reason they gave is as follows, quoted directly from the OP:
>It is very invasive and takes up most of my time only giving me 3 hours of Freetime a day.
If they gave some reason they were uncomfortable with this therapy then you'd be absolutely right, and I'd never accuse someone of whining about that. That is not what this is.
I also would never criticize an adult using marijuana under legitimate medical advice, or even an adult using it recreationally. Again, that's not what this is.
You make a perfectly valid point, and there are plenty of cases where deliberately belittling someone's perspective on the situation would be counterproductive. I simply don't agree that this reads like one.
GirlsAndChemicals t1_iydsh5c wrote
"Very invasive" has a meaning that could very easily be connected to discomfort and feeling like they're expected to be vulnerable in an environment that doesn't feel safe to them. This is also a teenager who may not even recognize that that's the issue they're having, or may not want to share that readily with a bunch of strangers on the internet. Generally people who have therapy forced on them rather than presented as an option aren't too open to it, especially if it's forced on them by the very people they're having issues with, which could easily be the case here. We don't know.
What I'm saying is that it's not helpful for you to jump to negative conclusions about this person without knowing any of the details. People don't refuse needed help for no reason, so the fact that this person needs help and still isn't open to the help that's being offered to them means there's a barrier there. We don't know what the barrier is, but just assuming it's a character flaw isn't helpful. It places blame without offering any solutions (other than arguably "stop whining", which is really just telling this person to shut down even more rather than open up). My suggestion to you is to hold back on the judgements in the future and assume the best of who you're interacting with unless they give you legitimate reason not to. Advice given from that perspective is so much more likely to be helpful than advice that comes from the assumption that there's just something wrong with someone and they need to fix their attitude.
SaxyOmega90125 t1_iyfceud wrote
I already did assume the best of the OP: I assumed that they simply do not grasp how unproductive and, frankly, stupid their choices are, rather than that they are making them out of pure carelessness or outright malice. They made it clear that they would prefer to simply blow off therapy and instead self-medicate using unprescribed drugs, underage, which will stunt their neurological and psychological development and simultaneously present a significantly higher risk of psychological addiction. It's a stupid decision and I am not ashamed to treat it as such.
As to the other circumstances, we are simply not going to agree, unless the OP provides more information. That's fine.
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