TIFU by covering my demented grandmother in sex lube.

Submitted by Grizzly489 t3_z7n52v in tifu

I was already a Nursing Assistant with 5 years in on a dementia unit, so when my grandma was diagnosed with it I became a part time personal caretaker for her. Eventually she got bad enough to need constant supervision and so her and my grandfather moved in with my parents and I continued to handle cares 2-3 days a week.

My parents go on a 3 day trip after Thanksgiving and my grandpa went with for a well deserved break from reality,, so I've been solo with my grandma since Friday, at my parents house. Everything was going great. Zero issues... until about an hour before my parents returned home.

Well, it's Christmas shopping season and I got distracted searching for gifts to cross off my list. This is my first Christmas with my girlfriend, whom I just started dating 3 months ago... so, (naturally) I had already picked up a couple bottles of WET Premium silicone lube as part of "her" present.

As I was scrolling through Amazon, my grandmother wandered into the guest room, found the bottles in my bag, opened both of them, double fisted them and started "cleaning" everything in the living room. The family pictures. The TV. The couch. The dinner table. I looked up to see my grandpa's car pulling in and to see what my grandma was doing all in the same instant. I rushed over to her to take the bottles away,, but she squeezed... Hard!Then she freaked out, rubbed it all into her hands, face, hair, and even the family dog, and went running towards the door as my parents and grandfather walked through it. Christmas will be awkward...

TL;DR- TIFU by covering my parents house and my demented grandma in sex lube.

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ThatKaleidoscope8736 t1_iy7d6ak wrote

I can't believe you got your girlfriend lube for Christmas.

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Cool_Dark_Place t1_iy7exw2 wrote

Lol...sounds like he may have been trying to work his own Christmas present into the equation...

"Hey babe..umm..you think now you might let me try to do it...you know...that way?"

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Grizzly489 OP t1_iy7ikzd wrote

Obviously! The sandwich maker and vacuums won't be here til after Christmas, so I'm glad I jad a plan B in my back pocket! Oh, that reminds me- Plan B!

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Grizzly489 OP t1_iy7icru wrote

She got a pair of iridescent tumbler cups that's she's been eyeing for months, a forever rose, and 2 VIP 2nd row tickets to her favorite comedian. The lube was the throw-away part of the gift. Wasn't integral to the story...

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lucamew t1_iy7jghr wrote

Dating three months and you're buying her all that?! My fiance should take some notes 😂😂

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Grizzly489 OP t1_iy7k0p1 wrote

Dating since late August, yes. But we've been best friends for 3 years and working together for 5. Knew each other casually (small town Wisconsin) for about 15 years. She's been "Wife" in my phone for years now and it's not at all sarcastic anymore, as new as the actual romantic part may be.

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Neriek t1_iy7dc6a wrote

I can't wait for the follow up to this 🤣

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Grizzly489 OP t1_iy7hm70 wrote

Just added it to my calander for Dec 31 at 10 PM! I promise to update before the ball drops. It's probably be less exciting, though. Awkward for me and my mom and grandpa. My dad's already laughing about it though. And my grandma just yelled "Oh no!" when an old WW2 TV show played a radio message about President Roosevelt passing away, so... I'm not exactly worried about her holding a grudge!

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Whane17 t1_iy83rzl wrote

I mean at least she got rid of the silicone stuff. So now you can buy water based my friend. Less likely to infections and issues on her part as well as no issues with deteriorating any toys you guys may use.

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anon13243546576 t1_iy7crnh wrote

What in the hell lol

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Grizzly489 OP t1_iy7j0ms wrote

I'm drinking in the garage with my dad, laughing about it right now... but still feel like it's a dream I'll wake up from. My girlfriend is picking me up soon because I can't spend the night and face my grandpa again in the morning. Like... this is my life now. I'm the grandma luber of the family.

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Lord_Jefe t1_iy8x1sb wrote

I need to check Glassdoor.com to see how much grandma lubers get gif

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Slash_Raptor92 t1_iya8vs5 wrote

You didn't cover anything in lube, she did. You bought the bottles, that's all.

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fenriq t1_iy7ga0l wrote

This totally happened. For reals.

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Grizzly489 OP t1_iy7i5bd wrote

I'm a CNA with dementia patients, this true story is actually pretty mild compared to many I could tell! But this one's personal and doesn't violate HIPAA.

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Panda180602 t1_iy7esa8 wrote

Why is her in quotes?

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Grizzly489 OP t1_iy7hvnb wrote

I got it for me (us, but me! Lol), but it's getting thrown in with the rest of her gift, just because I'm a guy and we do stupid shit like that and think it's funny, idk... it's the gag/joke part of the gift, but it's something we (I) would enjoy. Not now though! Bad memories...

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Mlkbird14 t1_iy7da77 wrote

Why do men always think sex toys or sex items are good gifts for someone you're dating? Words to the wise, women don't need sex gifts. They can buy their own toys.

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Grizzly489 OP t1_iy7h16w wrote

"her" was in quotes because that was more of a gift to myself. But since that detail of the story is what you want elaborated... as I said,, that was part of her gift. I also got her a forever rose, a couple of iridescent tumbler cups that she always takes off the shelf and calls cute, but puts back on the shelf, and 2 2nd row VIP seats to her favorite Trevor Noah next November. I know how to gift give, I just wanted to keep the story about my fuck up instead of my strengths 💪

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Mlkbird14 t1_iy8atm1 wrote

Clearly I was triggered 😂

Those sound like great gifts. Sorry about your grandma.

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