TIFU By Purchasing my Mom a Dildo for Christmas.

Submitted by BHasABeard t3_z8g7sy in tifu

So this actually happened the Friday after Thanksgiving.

This year is the first year my family won’t be able to congregate for Christmas. So we agreed to do a “white elephant” at our Turkey Day because everyone and their SO’s would be there.

When this plan was discussed in the group chat I happened to be scrolling through reddit and saw a post talking about how “Bad Dragon” had an unusually large inventory.

Perfect! I thought. Itll be a great gag gift, and they make great toys, my whole family can’t be that prudish.

For context my family is usually very open with each other, very tight knit and loving family. That being said, I impulse bought, we aren’t THAT close.

The next day after my purchase my brother asked if we were doing real gifts this year and to my dismay the answer was a resounding yes.

Well the day came and everyone selected their presents. Before we opened my mother interrupted and told us about this game she found on the internet where you roll the dice and the number tells you to pass the gift whichever direction.

We opened our gifts and everyone was appalled at the tentacle Dildo.

I tried to defend it. It is a high quality Dildo, I figured one of them was cool enough to want it, its not like it was cheap.

My poor brother who always gets the short end of the stick kept repeatedly having this tentacle handed back to him. It felt like every other dice roll was “give brother the tentacle Dildo he is obviously uncomfortable being around.”

By the end of the game my mother stole it from him so he could have one of the other gifts.

It was a big misfire lololol.

Merry Christmas mom.

Tl;dr: I bought a gag gift that literally and unintentionally made almost everyone at the table gag or cringe.

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Comments

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CaptRackham t1_iybjx69 wrote

The cost of a bad dragon takes it thoroughly out of “gag gift” territory. A cheap knob you get from Spencer’s is one thing but a three digit swirl pattern tentacle conveys a certain gravitas to the situation.

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briareus08 t1_iybzet2 wrote

I dunno, I’m pretty sure it’s a still a gag gift if you use it right.

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Ricky_Spannnish t1_iybm3i7 wrote

It’s ok, I got your mom a dildo for Christmas too. She likes a variety.

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SpiritTalker t1_iybmnmb wrote

OP I think your mom intentionally took that prize home to enjoy. No worries!

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Ottocon42 t1_iybx8mu wrote

This is just incomprehensibly dumb. You decided on a gag gift that is overly intimate (thus kinda awkward), most likely only usable by half your family members and also incredibly expensive. For that money you could actually have bought something really nice! A gag gift should be something cheap and silly, played for laughs, then rapidly switched out for a real gift. You joke didn't land and you had no real backup.

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ChattierCloud81 t1_iybznm7 wrote

A $50-$100 dollar dildo is too expensive to be a gag gift 💀

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SryItwasntme t1_iycgh1m wrote

I once got a 1-foot fisting dildo that was around 70$ as a gag gift.

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Cloverhart t1_iycx827 wrote

I mean, if a burglar we're to break in and you're standing there with a foot long fisting dildo..seems like it could be handy.

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luchadorhero t1_iyblc23 wrote

it was so he could get another gift. mhm... right mom. lol

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NoReallyLetsBeFriend t1_iybowpl wrote

"My dad can't satisfy her in the bedroom ever since he passed away" 🎶🎵

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Squigglepig52 t1_iydnu1b wrote

I worked for a place that sold stuff for sausage making (we actually sold everything a meat packer or butcher could need, except the meat.)

One day, this teeny little old Italian lady comes in, she had to be 90. She wanted to know how much sodium nitrate was in the sausage spice mixes.

Because, saltpeter used to be added to men's food to reduce libido, supposedly, and she was afraid her husband was being affected by it,because he ate home made sausage.

"The last few months, he doesn't want to make love anymore, and I think maybe it's the saltpeter!"

I said maybe it's because he's over 90, and just running out of energy, and she sadly agreed.

Evidently, some people never get too old to get horny.

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MrPlow_357 t1_iybhy08 wrote

This will be a good story to repeat at all holidays.

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RoyalTacos256 t1_iybsp07 wrote

If she doesn't want it I'll take it

I've been dying for a BD

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BHasABeard OP t1_iybvcay wrote

She ended up giving it to me to return. I still have it lol, if you are near I will sell.

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RoyalTacos256 t1_iybvg26 wrote

I doubt I'm near and I can't afford it atm

I'll get one eventually

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GarfunkleJizz t1_iycr84b wrote

Has it ever occurred to you that a BD is a form of beastiality?

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GuntherTime t1_iycx6ix wrote

Who cares? It’s not the actual animal and they get enjoyment from using it. Seems like a win win to me.

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WhiteK1t t1_iybxkue wrote

Aren't gag gifts supposed to be cheap and silly?

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[deleted] t1_iybv4fx wrote

[deleted]

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BHasABeard OP t1_iybv8jn wrote

It’s definitely true. Lol. Do people think this isn’t legit?

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MooseTek t1_iybwhmy wrote

I totally think this is legit. My wife's family used to play this stupid game for the family Christmas party. FOR YEARS. No matter what the worst gift was, it was ALWAYS passed away given the chance.

Family members would absolutely give it back to your brother because he was so clearly uncomfortable with it.

As for your role in this debacle, that is totally on you. But I think it is both real, and funny as fuck!

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ZodiacShadow t1_iyca31d wrote

Not sure where you're from, but that game is tradition over here. Even introduced it to my fiancé's Mexican family for the novelty.

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JasonMoore1172 t1_iybxrum wrote

She stole it from him? She probably wanted it secretly

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sanklin98 t1_iyckh1p wrote

Ah, so you’re THAT sibling

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yumirow t1_iycdy2w wrote

Makes me remember the time a friend of mine got gifted a couple dildos by one of her boy friends. The most awkward part is, it wasn't a quick dumb buy, he made them by hand.

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PotatoOver9759 t1_iycgqfs wrote

I've always wanted one of those tentacle dildos and I'm so jealous you're able to buy one

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Drgnmstr97 t1_iyenlyw wrote

Your mother did not steal that so your poor brother could have one of the other gifts. Just sayin.

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cjeam t1_iycs6nr wrote

> I bought a gag gift that literally and unintentionally made almost everyone at the table gag

Tell them to tuck their thumb into their fist and squeeze it, it helps.

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Jewsusgr8 t1_iycxb2h wrote

*nods

So last year I bought my wife a nice vibe and apparently delivered it to her younger sister... Christmas was a bit awkward.

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Swagnets t1_iydal0e wrote

You're fricking weird af if you even consider a dildo as a family gift

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3bag t1_iydbina wrote

OMG I just looked up bad dragon and found the tentacle. Nope nope nope. Looks like it would work like a cheese grater.

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