It sounds silly and pointless, but you know, "be the change you want to see"?

An apology will never change everything you said to your mother, it won't change how she felt when her own child told her that living pointless.

Do you know what can change? YOU OP, look for the help that someone who loves you offered you, not for her but for yourself, go after understanding that being a teenager is difficult, there are many changes, it is normal to feel overwhelmed.

BTW, you didn´t won OP.