TIFU by winning the argument with my mom

Submitted by singingsausagedogs t3_z3pq16 in tifu

ive been severely depressed for a couple years and today my mom tried to get me to the doctors for medication. anyway i spent probably 2 hours explaining to her how grey and sad life is and how pointless i find it. anyway i won the argument and actually changed her view. shes been sat on the couch staring into space since 11am, its currently 7pm for me. she wont answer me and she sees really pissed off. she’s generally a very busy and happy person and i dont think id be able to live with myself if she was like this for the rest of her life.

shes even ignoring the dogs who she loves more than anything and they getting very stressed

i am very worried about her and ive had to cook dinner for my younger siblings. note that im only 16 and i only know how to make very basic foods. thank yoi for reading

TL;DR i broke my mom with my depression

30

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

Malevolent_Mangoes t1_ixmy8xb wrote

Uh you didn’t “win an argument” your mom tried to get you to the doctor and you basically said you’d rather not and then went on to explain for 2 hours how horrible life is. I mean why? What was the purpose of doing that? Go to the fucking doctor. Don’t make your mother suffer.

213

stubborny t1_ixpu7r4 wrote

This. Find and doctor and help yourself and your mother by being mentally healthy, a mothers happiness comes mostly from her kids being ok, they are that amazing

15

singingsausagedogs OP t1_ixmzo42 wrote

i think ive missed my chance to go to the doctor now.

−144

Malevolent_Mangoes t1_ixn25g5 wrote

That’s a horrible excuse.

76

singingsausagedogs OP t1_ixn29jd wrote

im sorry i didnt mean it in the way you think, what im saying is that i dont think she will offer to take me to the doctors again

−85

carlyv22 t1_ixn7o2j wrote

Ask her. I think she’d be very happy to take you.

67

BigHawkSports t1_ixo9pry wrote

She's not now suddenly convinced that life IN FACT is awful, if she's now a little depressed it's because she's super heartbroken that her child has serious mental health issues that they aren't willing to address.

Depression, over the long term isn't something that most people can beat on their own. Start the conversation with your mom. Say "sorry, today was hard, I appreciate how hard you're trying to help me. I'm ready to get help." Things only get better from there.

50

Dirzeyla t1_ixn8b2b wrote

Then ask to go. Just cause she's unlikely to offer doesn't mean she won't take you if you ask to go.

26

oscurochu t1_ixo9in4 wrote

It sounds like you both need the doctor after the abuse you put her through

7

Water_enjoyer23 t1_ixpgo17 wrote

Go there urself its not that hard ur 16 (unless ur an american, then i suppose its might be hella expensive)

2

Proof-Elevator-7590 t1_ixqyax2 wrote

Go up to her, hug her, and ask to go to the doctor. Please. I remember being a teenager just a few years ago and wanting to die, and it got so much better out of high school, and once I was on antidepressants

1

Old-Anywhere-1331 t1_ixpn70z wrote

so fucking what singingsausagedog you made a mistake shit happens. try and talk to her and not just saying how awful life is but how to get better while actually listening to her.

you didn’t break your mother although you did continuously fuck up every second trying to “win” an argument.

if anything your mother is thinking out her options because she is extremely concerned and wants to help you.

3

emcjames t1_ixpoizg wrote

You can take yourself doctors homie, also eat well, drink water, sleep normal hours. Treat yourself like someone you would care for. Go excercise or make your body move around a bit. You got this man life can be lovely and it can be lovely for you. It's fucking tough to break the depressive cycle but just give it a chance

3

Throwawaycuzawkward t1_ixmvbt0 wrote

You didn't break your mom. But you did fuck up.

I want to spend two paragraphs telling you how depression lies to you.

I almost died. I lived through it. But no one can tell you that but you.

81

AcrobaticSource3 t1_ixn6veu wrote

Sounds like you really do need that medication, based on how you view this interaction as a contest. Hope this is a turning point for you

48

Ocean_Spice t1_ixwi469 wrote

Seriously. Imagine thinking that everybody else around you needs to be miserable too and considering that a win.

1

archer_cartridge t1_ixn7j07 wrote

"I won the argument about how my mom cares about me, now she sees I was right and that she shouldn't care about me because everything is meaningless."

Go apologize and go talk to a doctor.

47

DarkBlueBear13 t1_ixmxphi wrote

"anyway i won the argument"

Your language tells everything that is needed to know. There is no winning an argument.

31

Magnedeus t1_ixmwp45 wrote

Yeah you really did fuck up. Your mom was trying to be a good mom and help you out the best she could and you dragged her down to your level with that depression talk instead. She probably thinks she failed as a parent because she couldn't help her child in their time of need, which probably lead to her being severely depressed as well. What's even worst is that I'm sure news is gonna spread around to family and friends about this. Depression is a killer, but when help is offered, you take it regardless of who it's from.

29

singingsausagedogs OP t1_ixmxei4 wrote

do you have any advice on how i could go about fixing this? she wont take an apology

−4

greatest_fapperalive t1_ixndtrs wrote

Op her child told her she wanted to die and spent hours hearing how he’s hopeless. It’s like a bruise, it will take time for her to heal. And as a parent I can think of nothing worse.

But forgive yourself, it’s just the depression. It’s a strange thing that does fool you. Once you are successfully treated you will not understand why you didn’t seek help sooner.

Apologize. Own it. Explain why you changed your mind.

And please see a doctor my friend. I believe in you

16

Magnedeus t1_ixmyisj wrote

If she's isn't talking to you, then you should probably give her some space. But at the same time keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't do anything dangerous to herself or others. You could also write out a very detailed letter apologizing to her for what you did and acknowledging that she was just trying to help in your time of need. Whether she reads it or not is up to her, but you never know, she might suddenly show up and accept your apology.

11

Commercial-Loan-929 t1_ixo233n wrote

It sounds silly and pointless, but you know, "be the change you want to see"?

An apology will never change everything you said to your mother, it won't change how she felt when her own child told her that living pointless.

Do you know what can change? YOU OP, look for the help that someone who loves you offered you, not for her but for yourself, go after understanding that being a teenager is difficult, there are many changes, it is normal to feel overwhelmed.

BTW, you didn´t won OP.

2

Ce_La t1_ixn3kwg wrote

I know how horrible it feels to be in that place but knowing that feeling, you'd hate for anyone to be there. You know you fucked up so not going to belabour the point, but hopefully this will be the motivation you need to see that you. Need. Help.

Yes the world sucks, but rays of light like your mum (who obviously loves you very much) help people get through each day. Focus on those, and you'll eventually end up being a ray of light for others in dark times.

But get off reddit and get proper help man - seriously

28

singingsausagedogs OP t1_ixn3tq3 wrote

thank you for a helpful reply. im not quite sure where to go from here as my mum isnt speaking to me and im not sure she’ll offer to take me again

0

Ce_La t1_ixn4mbu wrote

You say you're 16 - you can get a GP appointment yourself, show her you want to make steps to get well again.

If you're in the UK there are services you can self-refer to as well. The wait lists tend to be long, but it will hopefully show that progress can be made.

You could also try some techniques at home - with my students we recommend Healthy Minds (https://www.lpft.nhs.uk/young-people/lincolnshire/young-people/i-need-more-help/low-mood-and-depression) BUT this would be temporary until you could get further support

On that, you could talk to teachers at school, school nurse - anyone in a position with safeguarding will have a requirement to move things forward and be able to give you more specific advice

9

Katnis85 t1_ixq70ak wrote

Ask her to take you. Take ownership of your health and well-being and ask her to help you.

Your mom is reeling right now. She knows you need help, she's afraid of what will happen if you don’t get it. She took a big step and admitted there is something wrong with her child and it is more then she can fix herself. Instead of getting you the help you need you pushed her away. You pushed her away by showing her how worthless you found life. Which was probably showing her things were worse then she was ready to believe. Give her hope that you want help and she will be there

3

kehmesis t1_ixniza7 wrote

If my kid told me life sucked for two hours, I'd be depressed as well. It's not the dogs that she loves most. Remember that.

21

CheddarNinja t1_ixo6uvl wrote

So, I think what I'm hearing is that you realize after this that your mom is right and you need some help. And, I'm also going to hazard a guess that your mom isn't broken, but in despair on what to do. It is an awful feeling to know how deeply our kids can suffer, and know there is so very little we can truly do.

My advice? Calmly go to her and hug her. And don't let go. Let her know this was a wake up call and that you are taking it seriously and WANT her help, and the help of a doctor. Show her the maturity I feel like is fighting a battle with the kid in you right now. It is a hard step, and imperfect and messy, but it is a whole shit ton better than feeling awful all the time. Trust me.

And FFS, FOLLOW THROUGH. Please. And not just for your mom. Maybe today and tomorrow it'll be for your mom, but you'll be ready to do it for yourself someday. Whenever you are ready.

And, give the dogs extra love. Because, dogs. They have magical healing powers.

15

AmIBeingMEMED t1_ixoa919 wrote

I agree that OP could handle things better but why dogpile them? it’s important to talk to a professional , hope things work out for you and mom.

10

DanniTheStreet t1_ixovd15 wrote

Sounds like you're misinterpreting the situation. You didn't convince your mom life is just endless. You convinced her that you'll never see life as anything but suffering.

8

O_Ammi_G t1_ixo0bo2 wrote

Please apologize. I’m a depressed mom (on meds) with a depressed son (not on meds). We talked for an hour yesterday and I kept asking him to get help. It’s hard to see your kid going through it, and harder when they won’t help themselves. Say you’re sorry and that you’ll go to the doctor. You’ll be thankful you did.

7

socsox t1_ixn6vwa wrote

Perhaps this is your sign that you need help then eh? The only way things will get better is if you put the effort in dude. Your mum was actively trying to help yet you spent 2 hours shoving all of that back into her face. Apologies only go so far; actions speak louder than words.

You want to apologize, you need to show that you're willing to move forward, even if it's hard. I'm 34 with chronic depression since i was 11, but I do my absolute best to keep it from spreading to others. I won't deny that I should get medicated, but that's on me to do as an adult. Your mum is trying to be the adult and get you help. But ultimately, it's much like AA or NA or whatever Anonymous Help groups there are... you have to take the step to acknowledge things, and then take the step to move forward.

Even if you want to take a nihilistic approach to life and saying that life in itself has no meaning, you can always give yourself and your life meaning. What meaning do you want your life to have? Only you can decide. But if people are trying to help you get into a better headspace, try hearing them out sincerely.

3

bleepchawoo t1_ixnw10s wrote

you did not win anything. your mother was trying to help you and you basically told her to f off. go and apologise to her and tell her that you need to go and see a doctor. if she doesn’t want to take you, go by yourself because you do really need help.

also i have a feeling that you were way harsher with your words than you have suggested. if you told her in a proper manner she would not be staring into space. what exactly did you tell her?

3

asge1868 t1_ixr1gmm wrote

Get the fucking meds. Depression is giving you actual legit brain damage. Anti depressants help against it.

2

MistressMousefeather t1_ixo1egn wrote

Did you cook something for your mom too, or make sure she ate something? Like another commenter said, actions speak louder than words. Showing her you care about her would be a big step. I hope you both get feeling better. Depression sucks. 💜

1

ThrowAwayforNow221 t1_ixo4puk wrote

You've been living with depression for years. It's an everyday thing. She is just now understanding it and processing what you feel daily. Give her time to processes and then get her to drive you to the doctor.

1

Exact-Egg-1604 t1_ixod8wd wrote

I'm sorry, but changed her view on what exactly? Trying to help her kids? Medication? What exactly was your goal? To not get any help? To keep suffering through it? I was once your age struggling with major depression (still am) and I wish I would have actually gotten the help I needed when my mom tried to help me. As others have said OP, really apologize to her and let her know that you've thought about it and you didn't mean to hurt her. Take initiative now. It's your turn to tell her you want to get help. From what you've said, I doubt she'll refuse to. You're also gonna have to give her some time to process everything you told her. Hope everything turns out alright ❤️‍🩹!!

1

Pulacascar t1_ixpln56 wrote

You didn’t win, her baby is severely depressed.

1

Benji998 t1_ixq6eiu wrote

Look mate, its not the end of the world. I'd hazard a guess your mum is resilient. I've discussed my own depression with my mother, had arguments and upset her on numerous occasions. If she's a healthy person she will bounce back fine. But yeah, mums are usually right with their advice, so give her a chance.

The other thing is, if you don't want to take medication I personally think that is your right. There is more than one way to skin a cat. Medication is a viable and worthwhile route, but its not necessarily the only route either. Still, seeing a GP is a good idea, they can run some bloods, organise referrals and discuss medications. Depression can be overcome.

1

Feilem t1_ixqci8y wrote

It wasn't an argument. You've been doing not so well for a long time and your mother has tried to help you possibly in the best way she could think of before suggesting taking you to get some professional help. Depression is a dark, moist pit. I know. And I know it can get better but it can also get a lot worse if you drag people down because you'll then start to guilt trip yourself into having caused misery beyond your own existence. Do yourself a favour: gather all the negative emotions you have and face them. You've already done it by going on a 2h monologue about how awful and meaningless it all is so this part should be easy. Now, think hard if you want to change this situation. If you do, then think hard about ways to do it. If you can't see a way out or you find it hard to commit to it, ask for help and/or support. You're 16 so there are a lot of wisdom nuggets lying around waiting for you to pick them up but from what I see you're a good kid. Feeling bad about causing hardships for your mother and taking the initiative stepping up to cook and feed your siblings when it's required of you. You're a caring person and that's precious. Here's today's nugget for you: take care of yourself as you would do for a dear friend. Don't think people will deny you help, or that they don't want to aid you if you need it. Many people are really eager to help others if you so much as hint at it. It makes us feel good so you don't even have to feel embarrassed or think you're taking advantage of our kindness. If you had a friend in your situation you would like them to tell you so you could help them out I bet :)

I don't like telling people what to do but I love giving advice when I think someone's asking for an opinion (and a reddit post like this clearly is imho), so excuse me if I have been a bit pedagogical (and for the wall of text lol)

1

InstructionOk388 t1_ixqi39e wrote

Look boy, I had enough depression for enough time that I believed this is just how life is going to stay till I die. Then I went to yet another doctor and it got better. Then it got way better real soon. I had zero hope. It happens. Go to the doctor, you really have nothing to lose, might as well give it a shot.

1

GanacheWeak6896 t1_ixqjv42 wrote

On one hand, it's good to open her eyes. Why live a lie? When you know that life is a mundane repeating /revolving door, then you can truly rake stock in what matters mist to you. Consider it a shakedown to reconstitute your priorities!

1

Scrambled-Sigil t1_ixqkcih wrote

Go ask your mom to take you. To be blunt, It's not an "apology" kind of thing. You don't say "oh sorry for dumping all this depression on you". Or, maybe you do, but it takes more than that.

You can explain better how you felt; if/when you apologize, explain that yes, you do see the world that way but it isn't by choice; you feel stuck in that rut, that life means nothing and you can't get out which only furthers that sense of helplessness.

Most importantly, one thing isn't hopeless, sad, or terrible for you and that is your mother. You didn't mean to hurt her, you blurted how terrible you felt in a big rush, she wasn't prepared- and nobody would be- and now she doesn't even know what to do.

She tried to help you, and from her view you slapped it out of her hand and crushed it under your foot. She can't actually do anything if you don't want the help. If they gave you medications, maybe you wouldn't take them anyways- or worse.

That being said, if you show her that she means something to you and that you genuinely want the help, because you don't want to hurt her like this, she'll probably take you.

She might get upset at you or angry at you but again, I think you can guess why. It wasn't about winning the argument and you know it, the basics of the situation was:

>"Hey, I think we need to go to a doctor's-"

>"Why should I? Life is bleak, nothing will change, it's all hopeless, we'll just die no matter what, I'm not doing shit."

>"......'

Would YOU want to help someone who threw your help into a shit puddle?? I don't think you would, but you did realize you fucked up and that's better than most people, just be prepared because I'm sure this will take a couple heart to heart discussions.

TL:DR: Go ask your mom to take you to the doctor. Show her you care, show her you realized how much you hurt her and hated it. This is a lot for her to process so it won't be super easy to heal or mend, but keep trying for both your sakes.

1

LynchEleven t1_ixqw4jm wrote

what are you fucking stupid? go to a doctor. on thanksgiving too.

0

Justanotherolreddit t1_ixo7eok wrote

Yeah you officially fucked up. Your threw you’re only chance at getting help out the window and flipped it off on its way out. You also probably fucked you’re relationship with you’re mom up as well. TL;DR You indeed fucked up.

Edit: Yes I know his mom isn’t going to straight up stop loving him because of what he did, I’m just saying he hurt their relationship in a way that is going to take time to mend.

−2

AnonoMussChick t1_ixotc0x wrote

What a shitty thing to say to someone with depression! Way to dramatize the whole thing. This person is 16; I’m sure it’s not over between them and their mother.

7

Pulacascar t1_ixpm0ik wrote

Let’s not be hyperbolic here. I doubt that the relationship is over. Any parent knows that, no matter how much your child hurts you, you always love them unconditionally. Especially since kids hurt their parents all the time, it’s inevitable.

I also doubt that he threw his only chance at getting help. I’m pretty sure his mother would help him get help in a heartbeat if he asked.

3

Benji998 t1_ixq6ifh wrote

Exactly, his mum being upset for a day isn't like life is over far out lol. Willing to bet mum will have a good sleep and feel better in the morning. I do agree OP should do something about it though.

2

Ursapsi t1_ixo1ft9 wrote

You're a fucking asshole

−7

singingsausagedogs OP t1_ixo1ro6 wrote

i know, thats why i made this post

0

Ursapsi t1_ixo2e9t wrote

Go talk to her. If I were a parent and my child was preaching about how gray their life was it would make me feel like an abject failure, like I had failed them as a parent.

I understand being depressed. I've struggled for 20 years with it. You don't try to spread it to the people who love you.

−1

Pulacascar t1_ixpltle wrote

He’s still 16

1

[deleted] t1_ixqj7dx wrote

[deleted]

1

Pulacascar t1_ixqjh95 wrote

I know that. OP acknowledges it was wrong. It’s just that he’s still very young and he probably didn’t think about the consequences this would bring.

1

Ursapsi t1_ixqjzvw wrote

Which is why I'm telling him. You don't learn by pretending you did nothing wrong.

1

Pulacascar t1_ixqka4f wrote

He has enough people telling him that. He knows that he did something wrong.

What I think is shitty is that he goes on r/tifu and writes “I won an argument with my mom” while looking for advice. Wtf?!

1