TIFU by hanging out with my ex.

Submitted by orio-s t3_z6l0ik in tifu

So recently some things happened between my ex and I and we ended things. He was talking to another girl and I just didn’t like that. We decided to stay as friends and all has been fine.

A little over a week ago he started seeing another girl. This person was someone he dated in the past and they got back together. Though it does hurt as we have been apart for less than a month as long as he is happy I am happy.

Here is where I FU. I wasn’t very aware of them being together. I knew they had a thing for eachother but it was kind of unclear where there relationship stands. His mom invited me over for a “Friendsgiving” (I was unaware of what this was until I got invited) and I thought it would be fun. His mom and I are not too close but it is clear she wants us back together. She says I have been amazing for him and that the girl he is talking to was horrible in the past. I honestly brushed it off and didn’t comment much to stay away from problems.

While at the friendsgiving, the whole entire time she was making comments to everyone about him and I. Once again we are only friends. I do still have feelings but if he is into someone else I don’t want a relationship. The whole time I was put into uncomfy situations with his mother and all of her friends making comments. I was under the impression there would be people I knew there as well but it was just his moms friends. We were constantly having comments made and now I feel weird being around his family as I feel this will continue happening. I honestly should had just stayed home as he is talking to someone else and we are no longer together. I just didn’t see a problem cuz we are now no more than friends.

I feel bad for not only him but also his new girlfriend. I just want him to be happy and I feel like me agreeing to go was not the right thing to do.

TL;DR I decided to go to a thanksgiving event with my ex not clearly knowing what his relationship status was and putting us both into uncomfy positions with his family. (them making comments about how we should be together and just being weird overall.)

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Willis13j t1_iy27tdn wrote

If it's unclear where you two stand and if you still have feelings for him then you two are not "just friends."

I don't understand why he's your friend right now anyway. Don't you have enough friends that you can cross your EX off the list. It's not worth the stress. Make new friends.

Plus, you're probably making it a lot easier for him after your break up because you're still in his life and you're still sticking around. He doesn't have to choose between the two of you because you're both in his life. You have to cut him off so that real decisions can be made and you can both move on. How are you going to get over him if he's still in your life?

What's that rule for truly getting over someone? They have to be completely out of your life for twice as long as your relationship was.

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Otfd t1_iy4jwds wrote

Totally agree.

Outside of certain situations, it should be pretty easy to step away from a relationship and end the friendship. Otherwise, you invite more pain, confusion, and slower healing.

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heyitsvonage t1_iy2asiv wrote

You know, there’s no requirement to remain friends after a break up. And if you can’t actually handle being only friendly to each other, then you’re in denial about the situation.

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Double-Compote6552 t1_iy3s17n wrote

Just stop hanging with him and his family?😭 problem solved. If they invite you places, make excuses.

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aussie_nub t1_iy6lebi wrote

She'd be better off blocking him. Then she doesn't need to make excuses. Just move on for real.

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Pristine_Ad5229 t1_iy5b8ux wrote

Uhh stop hanging with his family. I have never understood why family would invite someone's former bf/gf if things are super awkward or recent. (not unless kids are in the picture) smh

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aussie_nub t1_iy6lc7r wrote

My friends were talking to my first ex for agessss. Like ages after I moved interstate (like 1700kms away). They may well still talk to her... but I wouldn't know. I don't really talk to them anymore and you can probably work out why.

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Philadelphia2020 t1_iy7y8b9 wrote

This happened with me, we broke up and I moved across the country (USA). I moved back and don’t talk to any of them 😂

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aussie_nub t1_iya5l42 wrote

Yeah well, I won't be moving back. My sister lived here before me and mum moved over after. It's 12 years since I moved here and I've bought a house here.

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ElderWandOwner t1_iy4a2wh wrote

Being friends with an ex is a bad idea if you haven't had an appropriate "cool down period". Obviously there are exceptions to this, but it makes it really hard to move on when you are still involved in each other's lives.

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DOPT t1_iy34pjm wrote

People who go back to their ex's this easily blow my mind, you obviously want to get back with him. Who invites their ex to thanks giving no his girl at the time, dude's tired of fucking his current gf so he invited you to have a shot lol. I mean you can wait till he takes you back but he's gonna be fucking someone on the side like he has been all this time doesn't sound like he gives a shit about you

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[deleted] t1_iy4g00v wrote

[deleted]

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orio-s OP t1_iy4lgb1 wrote

I know, I have realized that. I will be keeping space. I just feel really bad for his new girlfriend. Even though his intentions may not had been bad I feel like the fact that he hid him being in a new relationship was almost asking for a situation to start

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No_Antelope_2240 t1_iy38i3g wrote

If you want an easy life, just cut ties with exs. It's not worked out, best to move on and not stay in touch. The friends thing rarely works out and almost always causes issues with their/your new relationships

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Dream_Weeba t1_iy8j11t wrote

Dude my girlfriend's mom still invites her ex husband to Thanksgiving and Christmas. He's never showed, but I had to pull her aside, because it's clearly upsetting my girlfriend. I don't know why parents try to do this, like what planet are you living on?

When I become the ex, I cut all ties. No family, no friends we share, no alone time with them. It just makes things awkward, and causes pain to everyone involved. On top of that, I don't want to see any of them anyway.

Cut ties with him, you'll feel 100% better being free to pursue someone that actually cares about you.

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TexasRedJames1974 t1_iy23xhh wrote

Ex's are supposed to remain ex's for a reason. Why would you go over to his house, especially at his mom's request when you know he's interested in someone else?

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orio-s OP t1_iy2494c wrote

Well he also wanted me to come. We are remaining friends, the problem was that I didn’t know he had a new girlfriend and I didn’t know his mom would act that way.

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ihateotherhumans1 t1_iy37719 wrote

All I see are red flags OP. Even if you guys are remaining "friends", he's clearly shown that only does he not respect you, and relationships, but he also does not respect his new girlfriend. Is that really someone you want to friends with? Let alone in a relationship with? He's already proved you can't trust him once, don't let him make it a third time. Take it from someone who knows, keep your distance and work on yourself, this will only end badly in the long run with your feelings and most likely his current girlfriends hurt as well.

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Ant70 t1_iy53o6o wrote

He’s just keeping his options open, he’s using you as a back up….keep you on the shelf ready to go in case he needs you. Ex’s being friends only works if the romantic part is dead and buried, you still have feelings so you are just going to get hurt.

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EllieYork t1_iy4c6as wrote

It sounds like his mother and her friends act/talk that way all the time! Don't you find it strange that they all had opinions about your relationship? Rest assured, they talked about you after you left. It's best to move on before their gossiping causes you harm.

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orio-s OP t1_iy4cjh2 wrote

Yeah, she is constantly trying to get me to “wait for him” and thinks I need to let him learn. She says he will “stop cheating after he learns a bit” but idk if he deserves my time after cheating on me

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EllieYork t1_iy4n3al wrote

YOU DON'T KNOW? When you take back a guy who has cheated on you, it gives him a green light to continue his behavior and you can NEVER, EVER trust him. Add in his mother who obviously has no boundaries then you are the one that needs "to learn a bit." You shouldn't trust either of them! Please stop wasting YOUR time on them! Go out and find an HONEST, RESPECTFUL and LOVING new guy that will treat you as you DESERVE! Yeah, it will take time, but please DON'T SETTLE for what you're going through now.💕

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TexasRedJames1974 t1_iy24hmi wrote

Hence why ex's are supposed to remain ex's.

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steevieg t1_iy2ogu3 wrote

I don't know about that... it depends on their history before they got together. Just my opinion.

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archangelzeriel t1_iy5z3mc wrote

Counterpoint: I have an instinctive distrust of anybody who isn't good friends with at least one of their exes.

Are you going to tell me that you liked this person enough to date them but that in every single instance whatever caused you to stop being romantic also caused you to never want to talk to them again? Sounds like a red flag to me, dawg.

Dude's mom is entirely in the wrong here, mind you. In that situation I have been known to deliver a pointed "Mom, we are done, we are FRIENDS".

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BonaFideBill t1_iy4glqr wrote

So, you went to your ex's( who you still have feelings for) mom's for Thanksgiving, and thought what? She wasn't going to bring the two of you up?

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a22x2 t1_iy51tix wrote

Maybe this is unusual - I’m still in touch with an ex’s family and have even been to their thanksgivings, even in periods where my friendship with my ex was in a rocky place lol. They’re just awesome people and I genuinely like them. Not once in the 7-8 years since we’ve broken up have they mentioned anything about the possibility of us getting back together, or wishing we would, or anything like that. It can happen! But maybe not often lol.

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abigayl75 t1_iy5mv9t wrote

It wasn't right to go. I'd stay out of it.

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Thick_Stomach86 t1_iy7gqa9 wrote

Ok im a lil different to most. If you have no support/family etc, it can be hard to let go of an ex's family. I think you need to have a convo with your ex and be honest about your feelings. Your feelings about him but that u get it's over and about his family. If he has a new gf and u r truly supportive, great! When his family invites you, try saying "oh are "ex bf name" and "new gf name" coming? It would be great to see them!" That's the best sort of support. Do u get along with his new gf?

Lastly maybe think why u r friends still. Do u wanna stay friends with the hope of reuniting in time? Or just because u enjoy the friendship? If it's just for the friendship, u need to champion his cause and his choices.... particularly with his family.

Good luck!

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redzone2009 t1_iy7q0qo wrote

You’re honestly lightyears ahead of your peers and I’m proud of you for being an honest and down to earth person. I don’t think you messed up that bad, it was a learning curve you both endured. It’s worth noting that she’ll probably attempt to control who is in his life, one by one she’ll make comments and make him decide. Hopefully that doesn’t happen but if it does, I hope he bails.

TLDR: you didn’t fuck up, you’re a genuine person-rare creature

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el_cul t1_iy6qls5 wrote

People are fucking crazy.

In this specific episode in order: mother, OP, exbf.

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Lawman977 t1_iy2j2ww wrote

You pure fool.

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Novel-One-9447 t1_iy3y48y wrote

why did you even go? OP sounds like a b

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Otfd t1_iy4k26p wrote

How? She went as a friend, and was put on blast by his mom and rightly felt very awkward.

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How is she at fault for that? Personally, I don't think she should've went, but she isn't a B for going in the slightest.

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