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Adragongentleman t1_iwucvoi wrote

"TIFU by being victim of mental abuse" that's not really a fuck up, If you told her that you were into dominatrixes would she just start paying for one full time just for her? If she seriously thougth that that stupid fetish fantasy was some kind of cheating than she's insecure as fuck, which is not a real problem on It's own If It weren't for the fact that she acted to punish you by the way she irrationally feels by making you feel insecure and nervous as well, It is textbook manipulative and toxic of her to do that, i've been trapped in toxic relationships before and your girlfriend sounds like a caricature of every single one of them

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NoNewsAllowed t1_iwufioe wrote

Manipulative is not a word I ever expected to associate with my gf, but her actions recently fits the description perfectly. To be honest, I would've been somewhat more forgiving or understanding towards her reaction if she didn't go as far as to involve my coworker. Not fucking cool.

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processedwhaleoil t1_iwuh4d7 wrote

Agreed with the poster above.

Also, the text she sent yoy was super bitchy, absolutely a power play.

So either she's fucking with you to the extent of abuse, or she actually leaves you for your coworker in a particularly cruel way.

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chadam2 t1_iwujy9r wrote

Dude my crazy ex did that whole “I’ll decide when to see you” type shit granted I knew she was trying to manipulate me the whole time but I’d suggest you run.

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shyllo t1_iwuqsr4 wrote

You gotta detach and do your own thing for a bit. Nothing sassy, bitchy or negative. Just get your own space. Maybe she starts coming back to you maybe not. I would recommend to avoid anything chasing/controlling. Otherwise probably best to let it go.

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PBlove t1_iwut5du wrote

Step back for a second, take calm breaths, your both still young and stupid. You don't understand women yet, she doesn't understand guys yet.

Working yourself into a lather won't help.

Just wait and see what the eventual action is, she could be trying to do something nice for you, and teasing you a bit because she is feeling hurt but knows you did nothing wrong, so wants to punish you without punishing you while doing something nice for you to win more of your affection focus and attention.

If that seems confusing... Yea, girls are confusing until you get to know how they think.

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Otfd t1_iwukfyj wrote

Mental abuse? How do yall even function is this world.

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Adragongentleman t1_iwumrwl wrote

How do you call the action of someone you were supposed to trust and love going behind your back to talk to a coworker to humiliate you and make you feel bad because their expectations of you weren't true? If you see relationships like this and think It's normal i'm really sorry for you because It migth mean you Haven't had a healthy one yet

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Otfd t1_iwupeqp wrote

Seems more like she is just messing with him and he is taking it too deep.

Also, I am in a really healthy relationship. We live together, barely ever fight, and communicate without issue or concerns of each others behavior.

If my girlfriend did this, I would sit down and discuss my issue instead of taking to reddit to get opinions on my relationship from 3 paragraphs worth of insight.

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Adragongentleman t1_iwurpxo wrote

This is not normal dude people that love you shouldn't mess with you in this big of a level, and talking to his coworker is such a wild cross in limits, It is affecting his work life too, It is straigth up humilianting op and honestly from my point of view this is way worse than cheating, It is mopping the floor with op's dignity If she comes on the next day and say "It's just a prank bro" It doesn't change the fact that she made op feel horrible and made his place of work feel unsafe just to get a few laughs out of It, actions have consequences, sometimes even more that we can imagine

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Otfd t1_iwuzv0v wrote

Well she likely doesn't realize and as I said before maybe OP should TALK TO HIS GIRLFRIEND INSTEAD OF REDDIT?

You know how I avoid these situations? I ask my girlfriend to talk and explain how I am feeling and typically she apologizes or say sorry I didn't realize it would affect you this much.

And vice versa for her. It's called communication, still don't see it as mental abuse though.

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Erick2142 t1_iwur2mu wrote

I honestly don't understand how you don't see that as manipulative behavior

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Otfd t1_iwux42f wrote

I didn’t say I didn’t see it as manipulation. I said it’s not mental abuse. Is he really falling apart because his girlfriend is talking to his female coworker? Plus just talk to your girlfriend don’t post on Reddit. Say “hey, this is bothering me. Why are you doing this?” I am sure she is just messing with him.

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[deleted] OP t1_iwueo45 wrote

[deleted]

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PBlove t1_iwusfz8 wrote

Disagree. (Op see my essay comment to learn more.)

Also the reporters comment is more like a "hey your GF mentioned something that makes me think you might like me, don't fucking try to come onto me damn it"

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Disastrous-Purpose-8 t1_iwub9z4 wrote

Ask if you can film when they meet up. It’s your number 2 fantasy.

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NoNewsAllowed t1_iwuexwc wrote

I actually thought it might go down that way. Not me filming my gf and the news reporter, but my gf and I filming ourselves. I think my gf focused too hard on the wrong parts of my fantasy and completely turned it into something it's not.

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nescko t1_iwuity4 wrote

Yeah she spun it the wrong way and is now basically saying she wants to do your fantasy with someone else and admitting she’s potentially wanting to cheat on you. She’s being manipulative and childish. These are some heavy red flags.

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iamkeiou t1_iwubygt wrote

Oh well, she can't be trusted with a fantasy and goes behind your back... sorry dude, but you gotta move on.

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chadam2 t1_iwuk2ze wrote

Facts like he said “fantasy” and she’s trying to make it a reality in order to “let him know how it feels”

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Malevolent_Mangoes t1_iwug7lt wrote

Yeah that’s a pretty dick move to basically steal your fantasy from you and then exclude you from it and then rub it in your face. I’d break up to be honest, that’s inappropriate and manipulative behavior.

It would be different if your girlfriend hadn’t made that comment about no dicks being in the picture aka you.

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cosmernaut420 t1_iwugvz0 wrote

Your GF obviously has some trust issues. And honestly, if she's going to make it your problem and fuck with you over something you weren't even thinking about doing instead of communicating and trusting you like a well adjusted person, then maybe you're better off without a girlfriend. I know I wouldn't put up with this crap.

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PBlove t1_iwuson1 wrote

I doubt this is 100% correct.

We know very little because OP doesn't know what's going on. There are plenty of reasons a young lady could be acting that way.

OP don't get in a depressive cycle reading all these comments without seeing my little essay.

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EagleWolfTiger t1_iwubdgu wrote

Break up with her. Never be with someone you can’t trust 100%.

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Hard_Tofu t1_iwuf2ku wrote

I love how these throwaway accounts are so detailed that if the people they’re talking about came across the article will know it straight away.

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freddwnz t1_iwuic3a wrote

Yeah but then they don't know his real account.

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ClothesOdd2973 t1_iwui2jz wrote

Get out dude... This is not cool or healthy

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c_j_smith t1_iwuix3q wrote

Sounds like she's being a dick about it, shes being super insecure and shes manipulating you. Get rid and get out of that. Sounds mentally unhealthy for you, thats not normal behaviour (hers) ⛳

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nonanumatic t1_iwukqik wrote

Red flags, trust issues, and just rude in general. To be fair, it's understandable to be a little jealous or concerned that your significant other is cheating in the situation you described, but regardless the way she approached it is just straight up manipulative. It still seems possible they're fucking with you, entirely depends on their intonations that can't properly be described through text. But ultimately, talk to your gf about it, tell her how you feel and how what she did is making you feel currently, and if she can't understand that then idk what to tell you bro, might not be the best relationship to be in

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Ravenna96 t1_iwul0bm wrote

Like others, there is red flags all over this.

Had to do a double check to see if she was 18 because this is really immature behavior from her.

Seriously though, don't victim blame yourself. You didn't fuck up and you didn't do anything wrong. She should not be policing your thoughts and it was completely inappropriate of her to meet with your coworker.

After your inevitable breakup, Don't forget it's not wrong to be honest. Your sexual fantasy is nothing to be ashamed of, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

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GsTSaien t1_iwulmsk wrote

That is hurtful and manipulative of her. You need to let her know how it is making you feel and leave if it doesn't stop. I am so sorry

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malin7 t1_iwulosq wrote

Impatiently awaiting inevitable update - TIFU by turning my now ex-girlfriend gay

None of that has obviously happened

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Doe966 t1_iwubda9 wrote

It’s never a good idea to have your SO meet your work wife.

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LeenaQuinn t1_iwulwyj wrote

you are not being treated fairly. you gave your gf an honest answer to a question she chose to ask you. if you're experiencing this much stress now you may want to consider the longevity of your relationship.

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JaggermanJenson t1_iwuno67 wrote

Wtf you didn't fuck up at all. IMO that's kinda toxic and manipulative

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summja t1_iwuqivi wrote

Yeah you didn’t fuck up, your girlfriend did. Your fantasy is pretty basic and harmless. She sounds incredibly insecure. As a woman, if my bf said that I’d be like how do we make that happen like right now.

You two need to have a serious conversation and what her end goal is. If it’s still stressing you out, time to think about if you want to live with that.

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PBlove t1_iwurygg wrote

No one here can really know what's going on because you don't.

It could be a shit test, if so leave. Don't out up with that stuff.

It could be she is teasing in a playful way, in which case don't let it bother you.

She could be trying to set up a 3 way. (Highly doubt it, but someone will say it)

Or based on your ages this is my guess.

She thinks you like something about reporter lady and wants to figure out how to do that herself. She wants to give you your sexual fantasy and play the reporter well. She may steal hair, way of speaking, clothing type, etc. Meanwhile she is going to be feeling a tad annoyed that some other lady is in your mind (true or not) and so is teasing you while she tries to do something nice for you.

But, who the hell knows? You don't, and we don't.

If its intolerable, leave.

If its not intolerable (which it sounds like its just makeibg your nervous), then relax, calm down, and trust your girlfriend. Let her do what she is going to do and judge her on that. You may be pleasantly suprised, or fucking furious, but you will know her better and know how to act about it better.

(But again I think its no big deal, she is probably planning something you will enjoy, and having a bit of fun teasing you. My wife does that with birthday gifts, gets me something amazing, but teases me with suggestions she got me fermented fish from Norway or something.)

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Flash54321 t1_iwuvqgk wrote

This is a good reasoned response and should be higher. Don’t freak out over what may happen and decide the proper course if/when something happens.

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nebulaorbit t1_iwuc9jk wrote

In the update OP tells us he got dumped and both girls left with eachother

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wheeler916 t1_iwuf9eh wrote

Update will be that he hooked up with both of them at the same time, but couldn't keep his nut. So he had to sit at the side while they went at it.

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waetherman t1_iwuk5cf wrote

There's an old expression "don't shit where you eat" which can mean a lot of things but usually is used to mean don't have romantic relationships in the office. Even letting your gf meet alone with your coworker was a bad idea. Now it's off the rails. Out of your control. Hopefully the only thing that crashes is your relationship, and it doesn't take your job down with it.

Lesson learned, hopefully.

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HOLDGMEBROTHERS t1_iwulc7v wrote

Interesting fantasy. Need to check rule no 34.

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Grumpypaw t1_iwumctt wrote

You should be really glad you found about the way she acts and tries to manipulate you now. Unfortunately I predict counseling or a new girl friend in your future. You have to assume she told your co-worker the whole deal and added some unknown stuff to it. If she doesnt want to go to counseling I agree with the other poster RUN!!! And maybe looking for another job as well.

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weedium t1_iwumoos wrote

Break up with her NOW!

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DomingoLee t1_iwumz4d wrote

Time to get a new girlfriend

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justeuzair t1_iwunkka wrote

Run my friend run. This is either the origin story of a manipulator or she already was one and u never realized

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metaldeathtrap t1_iwupbb3 wrote

Sorry, I’m still reeling over the fact that she MET UP WITH YOUR COLLEAGUE after this convo. There was no guarantee your coworker would receive that well and in fact there’s a greater chance she wouldn’t have and would’ve felt really uncomfortable.

Dump her ass. That’s unhinged.

Edited to clarify that it wasn’t their first meeting.

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Inaksa t1_iwuph3z wrote

Leave her stuff at the door, and dont look back. In Argentina we use the phrase: “sali de ahi maravilla” meaning get out of that situation. If you have strong feelings about you gf: Get out of there as soon as possible, try to avoid stretching it, you will only make healing more hard on you, your gf seems to enjoy playing with your mind and she knows how you are feeling, given she wants to keep going says she is a manipulative person.

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Malessar t1_iwupzn8 wrote

She's gone straight up evil bro.

Tell her the following: keep seeing the news reporter girl. I was never into her. But you are and I dont care to share my partner. So you're off the hook. Do whatever. Just don't get me involved, dont ralk to me ever again and good luck in your life.

Smth like that. Break up.

Also talk to your co worker. Talk to her and ask her what happened. You need to make peace with your coworker cuz shes the one youre gonna be seeing daily even when you dump your bitch ass evil psycho manipulative should-be ex

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dontlookback76 t1_iwuqrmd wrote

You didn't fuck up. Your girlfriend is a jealous bitch and the news reporter had no business being in the middle of it. If they're just doing it to fuck with you they're cruel. I would have a talk with the the girlfriend and tell her to grow up and pull her head out of her ass.

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RevolutionaryHat8988 t1_iwur6ji wrote

Excuse by her. Dump her and blame on exactly what she did and move on to a more stable person.

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Khaernakov t1_iwus9vn wrote

Post deleted in 1 hour? Oh man i hope we get a update so bad

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no-trace t1_iwuhdag wrote

Just tell her you were deflecting because you didn't know how to tell her that your number 1 fantasy is underwater weighted autoerotic asphyxiation.

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CallMeMissMia t1_iwuk6b0 wrote

I feel this is building into a threesome.

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Sunshine-N-gumdrops t1_iwuktmg wrote

That would be the worst decision ever on his part if he agreed to it.

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Prind25 t1_ix485wt wrote

The compass point will rise and tell you where to go, always follow the compass as it is always right.

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Smitty_Werbnjagr t1_iwum8cj wrote

I could see where this could go really good or really bad

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Mr007McDiddles t1_iwuolu0 wrote

Wonder what she would have done if your fantasy was to make it rain on her, golden style.

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DietDrBleach t1_iwupiu7 wrote

Red flag, bail out now. Your GF obviously has major trust issues and is sociopathic.

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Bruinman86 t1_iwuxr5x wrote

Personally, I would call it off with the GF. 1) if she’s really into the coworker, then it’s not gonna end well for you, so leave with dignity or 2) if she’s playing games it’s good to call her bluff and snuff out that mind game stuff. She needs to know you’re not playing that game.

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Disastrous_Potato605 t1_iwuy1n8 wrote

Workplace fantasies are quite common, but her worries aren’t a far leap

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DankiesLair t1_iwvfahy wrote

It’s honestly sounds like you need to have a different conversation with your GF.

The fact she didn’t believe you, and had to go see for herself means she didn’t / doesn’t have respect or trust you in this situation. That is a red flag you need to address now, because that behaviour won’t go away.

The rest is just mental abuse.

You don’t get mad at your partner when they answer a question you ask honestly.. all that does is breed a relationship where you feel the need to lie. What you do is talk about your feelings, and how someone actions are effecting your. If she felt threatened or worried about how your fantasies makes her feel, then you two need to work together to come up with a solution (and yes, that might be she needs to do some personal growth) . You don’t just freeze out your partner.

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asdwarrior2 t1_iwudfia wrote

This is the setup for a threesome.

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darkstare t1_iwulrje wrote

> she said she finally understood where my sexual fantasy came from because she had the same fantasy now, except in her fantasy, there are no dicks.

Right here is your answer. You didn't mention your gf is bi or curious ?? That might explain the mind-play.

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coyote-1 t1_iwupk3d wrote

My advice: roll with this. At worst you lose a girlfriend… but I’ve kinda been through something like this, and my guess is that while what’s brewing is not all about you, they have something VERY pleasant in store for you. Can you get your selfish insecurities out of the way, and let life come to you?

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Beerbelly22 t1_iwub4ip wrote

Such a dick move of your gf. Never share info like that again. Girls are like that

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Adragongentleman t1_iwud4m4 wrote

No, op's girlfriend is just a dick. Believe It or not women can also have common sense and a healthy sex life with their partners

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Beerbelly22 t1_iwusbsr wrote

Yes they can. But most (not all) are pushing guys to say shit and then get angry when they don't hear what they don't want to hear.

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Critical_Feedback180 t1_iwughz5 wrote

Wtf? If my husband has a fantasy I want to know. Maybe we can act on it. If he fantasies about other women: fine with me. I trust him to not act on it as long as we are monogamous.

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Beerbelly22 t1_iwus40u wrote

Well, you are unique, what op says I've seen so many times. Of course there are always exceptions and glad to see that you are.

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