Tifu by ruining my relationship and a special night

Submitted by Freerz t3_z0yw07 in tifu

This was actually Saturday. It was my girlfriends birthday and I wanted to make it special. I made her brunch, took her to a nice botanical garden, and then took her to a fantastic dinner. Afterwards we went back to her place to pregame with her friends and then go out downtown. I wasn’t drinking at this point because I had to drive us down there.

Later on we go to a bar, I have a glass of champagne and a drink. Then we go to another bar. I buy a round of shots, and 2 drinks. Over the course of these four hours that’s all I had. Somehow I ended up completely out of control and was mean to her friends, saying sexual stuff, love bombing her, crying, and being completely crazy. I don’t remember any of those things. I was completely blacked out and ruined her night and now she’s struggling to decide if she wants to be with me.

I think I was drugged as I had very little to drink over that time, I know my limits and I was no where close to them. She thinks I had some kind of psychotic break because she stated before I mentioned I might have been drugged, that we had about the same amount of drinks, so she knows I wasn’t too drunk. I know Im not psychotic. I have no mental issues that need to be addressed and I’m nearly always upbeat and happy. I woke up and I wasn’t hung over, and I’m pretty sure I never threw up which I always do if I get too drunk (which I don’t anymore).

TLDR: ruined girlfriends birthday by being completely crazy. I think I was drugged, she thinks I had a some one off psychotic episode. She’s trying to decide if she still want to be together.

Edit: I’m a 30 year old 185 lb somewhat built man that takes no meds by the way. We ate well that day as well.

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Edard_Flanders t1_ix7zlfe wrote

Maybe see if you can get a drug test - if you were actually drugged it may still be in your system at a detectable level.

Also, maybe you should talk to a therapist / psychologist.

734

Cpowel2 t1_ix8a2ck wrote

That was my first thought. If he was with a group of women I wonder if someone slipped something into a drink and he drank it by mistake.

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coltong11 t1_ix8dh9w wrote

Exactly this has happened to me before, I would assume it’s fairly common unfortunately

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l337quaker t1_ixah4wk wrote

I got roofied at a concert, pretty sure it was meant for my girlfriend. Luckily we split the drink so we both got half of whatever was in it, but it was still a very rough night.

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codemonkeh87 t1_ix8q818 wrote

I'm sure this has happened to me. I can usually hold my drinks pretty well and would regularly drink through the night and stop around 9am the next day, but going out with female friends for drinks at uni and completely blacked out a few times, luckily just woke up at home in my own bed but never had complete black outs like that before.

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Novel-One-9447 t1_ix91rah wrote

this has happened to me before where i went to a club with a few girls and got invited to someone’s table. I don’t remember anything after taking one drink from them.

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sadboycarclub t1_ix9csox wrote

Happened to me as well. An ex and I were in an unfamiliar town on vacation. We both ordered the same drink (draft beer) I think someone was trying to drug her and accidentally did mine, or was trying to incapacitate me. I lost vision after one beer and was in the bathroom uncontrollably voiding bowels. I don't remember much else. She had to basically carry me back to the hotel. Scary stuff

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OGGweilo1 t1_ixc7r0d wrote

Had a very similar experience. Fuck people who do this.

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funkymorganics1 t1_ix93yru wrote

Is OP definitely a man? I thought so too but then I thought maybe they’re a girl.

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scottymac87 t1_ixc0c82 wrote

Happened to a buddy of mine. Worse night of his life he said.

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ix9gdpv wrote

Doubt it, Op had 5 drinks on 4 hours. Champagne, mixed drinks and a shot.

Most non-alcoholics would be pretty drunk off that. The only people who wouldn’t would be people who drink regularly / daily / multiple times a week and have developed a tolerance

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outlawsix t1_ix9m6g6 wrote

lol imagine being this confident while clueless. Dude could weigh 140 lbs in this case and still be legal to drive much less blacked out.

https://www.utc.edu/enrollment-management-and-student-affairs/center-for-wellbeing/alcohol-and-other-drug-education/blood-alcohol-content

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ricked_ways t1_ix9qn91 wrote

For real, these people seem to be ignoring how alcohol metabolism works and also that OP literally states he knows his limits and was nowhere close to them. Sounds like this wasn't the first night he'd ever tried alcohol, folks.

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No_Love_1353 t1_ix9ry97 wrote

I’ve got the feeling that Minute-Ad believes everything he learned from the grade school anti-booze campaign.

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ixagrx7 wrote

That’s funny because I weigh 140 pounds exactly lol.

From experience using my friends breathalyzer, my BAC when I was drinking would reach .08 after about 2-3 drinks in about a 2 or three hour period.

And I’m fairly certain about that because I avoided a DUI with a .07 after 2 drinks in 2 hours. I was drinking almost daily and felt fine.

−28

RagnaroknRoll3 t1_ixa17p6 wrote

Uh, that's really wrong. I drink once every couple weeks, sometimes once a month and I can put away 4 glasses of scotch before I feel it.

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ixag4k5 wrote

Well your binge drinking would be responsible for your tolerance then.

Binge drinking is a sign of alcoholism. Not all alcoholics drink daily. Binging and going on runs are also signs of alcoholism.

Seek help.

−37

RagnaroknRoll3 t1_ixagm8u wrote

Didn't say I did drink that much every time I drink. Just that I'm able to. I very rarely have more than a glass when I drink. I only ever drink like that when the occasion calls for it (ren faire).

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ixah03y wrote

How many fl ounces of alcohol are you putting in your drinks? You must be putting barely any in there if it takes you 4 drinks before you start getting warm and fuzzy

−12

tetranordeh t1_ixajg90 wrote

You're gonna be confident enough to ask for fluid ounces, but not alcohol percentages? Come on.

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ixamd1a wrote

Why would I need to ask about percentages when they already told me what they drink? Scotch is typically around 60% alc give or take 10 points.

I guess deductive reasoning is not a strength of yours.

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death_anxiety t1_ixat7ty wrote

Scotch is not typically 120proof lmao. You're talking mighty confidently for a guy who has no clue what he's saying. Try 80 proof (40%) give or take a few points.

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RagnaroknRoll3 t1_ixb2u3e wrote

Isn't he just adorable? Acting like he knows how everyone's body works. I'm 200 pounds and have a high metabolism.

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death_anxiety t1_ixb3899 wrote

Oh yeah adorable is just the word I was thinking. That's a great point as well, we haven't brought any of the other diet aspects or genetical differences into the conversation. He's just jumping to conclusions and telling people how to live their life

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ixaxi65 wrote

Nice, so within my margin of error’s margin of error. I knew I was right about that.

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death_anxiety t1_ixaxt1m wrote

10 points is not 40 points. Your margin of error is definitely off

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ixayetd wrote

I didn’t say my margin of error was correct. I said that my margin of error’s margin of error was correct. Or do you not understand the words that are typed across my comment?

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RagnaroknRoll3 t1_ixb20ws wrote

1.5 to 3 ounces.

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ixbiogj wrote

If you’re pouring 90mls of scotch in your drinks and it takes you four drinks to start feeling warm and fuzzy, you are most deffffinitely an alcoholic

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macrone13 t1_ixap3td wrote

that’s a little harsh. The occasional binge - especially socially with others - hardly makes you an alcoholic.

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ixatkk9 wrote

Alcoholism comes in many forms. Not every alcoholic is on the brink of dialysis and unemployed drinking daily. Prolonged periods of abstinence do not preclude someone from alcoholism.

The primary symptom of an alcoholic is an inability to control their drinking, e.g. binge drinking. A typical non alcoholic drinker usually will nurse their drink over a longer period of time, perhaps not even finishing it before it gets warm before going to get another. They will have a set limit on how many drinks (typically 1 or 2) they intend to have and will stick to that limit, possibly not even reaching it. On special occasions such as holidays they may drink more excessively but will do so in a responsible manner and likely will not be bingeing one after the other. They similarly do not drink with the motivation of “feeling it”.

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death_anxiety t1_ixata2e wrote

How about you seek help for that nose of yours that you've got buried so deep in other people's business. Might want to look for help dismounting from your high horse while you're at it.

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PuzzledNovel t1_ixbz60o wrote

Just give up, you’re losing this badly.

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ixc29ki wrote

I mean this is TIFU, there’s a lot of alcoholics in here. I’m not exactly concerned about kids like you who are triggered when they read my comments.

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angelerulastiel t1_ixaqroz wrote

I get buzzed off the neck of a Mike’s hard lemonade and I wouldn’t be blackout after that much.

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ixav0fw wrote

Well mikes hard lemonade is less potent than liquor and hardly comparable.

Let’s take his mixed drinks for example. If the mixed drinks were over poured with 60ml instead of 44ml he would have had just over 4 drinks in 3 glasses.

Now let’s talk about the champagne. He didn’t say if it was poured in a flute or a wine glass, if it was in a wine glass then a glass of wine is supposed to be poured 1/3 full. Suppose the bartender poured it 2/3 full. That would essentially make it two glasses of wine. So 5 drinks can easily become 7+ drinks by over pouring

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angelerulastiel t1_ixawxts wrote

Whoosh. The fact that it’s lower ABV is exactly my point. I have an extremely low alcohol tolerance and I would still not be blackout drunk after champagne and shots. Miserable yes. But not blackout.

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NightGod t1_ixac64k wrote

I've been roofied before. ER doc the next day said the drug test would only detect it if it was still active in my system

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ix9g3gp wrote

I suspect that OP was not drugged. I don’t know how big of a person they are but it looks like they had 5 drinks in 4 hours.

  • glass of champagne
  • mixed drink
  • shot
  • mixed drink
  • mixed drink

It’s very possible that the drinks had more alcohol than OP expected.

I know adults who don’t drink often, myself included, and that much alcohol would absolutely have me wasted.

Unless OP is an alcoholic with a high tolerance I’d def say it’s the alcohol

−56

leapin_lizardzz t1_ix9m429 wrote

Except.....you forget that your body is constantly metabolizing....1 sec Google shows that the avg male metabolizes alcohol at a rate of 0.015 g/100mL/hour, which is the same as reducing your BAC level by 0.015 per hour.

It shows a shot can increase BAC by .02 -.04 Let's assume op is in the middle at .03 rise for every drink.

So...

5 drinks x .03 = BAC of 0.15

Then subtract the .015 burned off every hour..

0.15 - 4 x 0.015 (old school order of operations you fuckers!!) = a end of night BAC of 0.09

0.09 while over the driving limit is most definitely NOT Black out drunk....

Somethings up....either op is confused by how much alcohol he drank or something else is going on

ALSO!!! I find it suspect that GF said she thought it was a psychotic episode....NOT you dumbass drank too much and turned crazy. This indicates to me its not his normal drinking/drunk behavior

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No_Love_1353 t1_ix9s3sd wrote

Right? Some of us can drink that in an hour and be relatively fine…

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jswizzle91117 t1_ixb21ms wrote

I’m a woman and rarely drink, and while this much this fast would get me drunk, it wouldn’t get me blackout drunk.

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Some_RandomDude69420 t1_ixa48hx wrote

That is odd... I kinda wonder if she did it so she could go off with someone else (if you know what I mean)

Another thought I had was that someone "wanted" his gf, spiked a drink, and OP got said drink.

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Roidz18 t1_ixabl4c wrote

Lol throwing the word alcoholic around is pretty clumsy, besides you’re just trying to be a douche. OP already said it’s nowhere near his limit, therefore we already know he can drink more than he did.

You believe the DARE cops too?

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ixafycj wrote

I never experienced DARE so I don’t know what DARE cops say. I’m going to guess not considering I grow and use cannabis.

My experience with alcohol is that many people think they know their limit but actually don’t. Usually they base their limit on their drink of choice at their watering hole of choice. That may be at home or at a bar. With beer it is fairly easy to gauge your limit but with mixed drinks it absolutely is more difficult due to the nature of different bartenders pouring heavy or light depending on mood and training. Some bar tenders pour heavy thinking that a stiff drink will get them a bigger tip whereas others pour light assuming that the patrons will order more drinks.

Not to mention the fact that alcohol tolerance is circumstantial. One person may not show any signs of intoxication with a BAC of .08 and another person might appear heavily intoxicated at .08.

If OP had been drugged they likely would have felt extremely groggy and confused when they woke up. Waking up without a hangover is not a sign of being roofied.

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NICD_03 t1_ixc0j7m wrote

When I was 110 lbs, 5 drinks in 2 hours wouldn’t even get me blackout. I was extremely lightweight compared to everyone I known…

And we are talking about 185 lbs, no medications, ate well, someone who drinks… Op was either drugged or had a breakdown.

Please go see a doctor op, it’s always a good thing to double check. Girlfriend prolly was shocked and confused. Hopefully she’ll overcome that and support you to seek help

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_ixc25qs wrote

Alcohol tolerance is not static, there’s a variety of factors that affect tolerance as well as absorption rate. When I was drinking daily I was able to take 5 shots in a row just fine in the middle of the day without blacking out. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be blackout drunk if I took 5 shots now at the same weight given that I drink 1-2 beers once or twice a year, almost always the second one is because the first one got warm. It’s not uncommon for people to overestimate their tolerance to alcohol.

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[deleted] t1_ix9j7ai wrote

[deleted]

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ygofukov t1_ix9l8vn wrote

You're assuming a single drink has "a single drink" in terms of servings of alcohol. Some drinks, like a Long Island Iced Tea or a 4 horsemen can have 4-6 servings of alcohol in a single drink.

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ACoconutInLondon t1_ix8auj1 wrote

How long have you been together and have you guys gone out drinking before?

If this is a relationship of any significant length, I'm wondering how your GF wasn't more concerned if she's seen what you're saying: that this amount of alcohol shouldn't have had this effect.

Edit: you said she thinks you had a psychotic break and is not concerned about you

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Alpha3K t1_ix8r2qp wrote

That last part is what strikes me, too. Complete disregard for OPs wellbeing, metaphorically punching once more with that reaction.

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goodknightffs t1_ix99b4t wrote

I mean he doesn't remember what he did so might be pretty bad 😅

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ACoconutInLondon t1_ixaf6e5 wrote

I'm really curious what OPs take is on her lack of concern for him

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MagiCarlos t1_ixarqes wrote

She might be concearned but not able to express it because of the resentment over how OP acted.

Feelings arent so black and white that knowing something was or wasnt intentional makes them go away. My older brother has some serious mental health issues and Ive seen him have a cognitive flip and many psychotic outburts (often directed towards me), some were so severe that his pupils would dialate, and he would speak rapidfire nonsense, it was like looking at the face of the Devil. Even though he has had years of therapy and now lives on his own with his fiancee and is able to live a normal life I still struggle to look at/interact with him sometimes because I cant unsee or unfeel those things (regardless of the fact that it wasnt his fault at all). As a result I have a very awkward relationship with him to the point that our step sister says that she can feel the tension when we are in the same room together.

I feel so guilty and it isnt his fault and I do try, but I cant just forget or fully get over all that stuff no matter how much I want to. Its also not my fault.

OP's gf might be being unfair, but it's not her fault and doesnt mean she doesnt care.

Emotions often outweigh logic, even when you know you're being unfair.

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ACoconutInLondon t1_ixasrfx wrote

>OP's gf might be being unfair, but it's not her fault and doesnt mean she doesnt care

The only thing OP has said regarding the GF is that she said he "ruined her night" that's why I asked the question.

I get what you're saying, but OP has said nothing about GF being concerned for him.

And honestly, given what seems to have gone down, to minimize it as "ruining her night" after everything else he did for her, comes off as possibly narcissistic to me.

Edit: OP said in a comment that GF is a keeper, but has offered no reason why or any explanation of her reaction, that's why I asked about length of relationship and whether they've been out drinking before. If it's a short relationship and/or they've never been out drinking, then I can see why GF might not give him the benefit of the doubt, but we don't know.

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MagiCarlos t1_ixaumng wrote

Idk, from (my personal) experience with emotionally volitile situations, my guess would be that she is holding back because she hasnt processed it enough to bring it up (without being too mean or too kind and regretting it). She needs to work out how she feels about the situation.

It must have been something pretty bad for the negativity to outweigh all the good he did.

Either way, the info provided (or lack thereof) its not enough info to make assertions like that and, worst case, could make OP belittle her feelings by calling her out (and in the process force her to explain how she feels before she has fully processed it, which will absolutely not go well). Plus if OP brings up her lack of concearn for him that will come across as extremely narcissistic.

People need to be allowed to process traumatic situations and more often than not that means biting their tongue and not talking about the situation at all until their emotions settle down and they can think/speak rationally.

She is considering leaving OP so should get all the space she needs, instead of having her partner get it into their head that she is being selfish (its just a recipe for disaster) because of assumtions like that.

Edit: Assumptions in situations like these are almost always wrong (or at least very risky) because of incomplete data. OP needs to wait for their gf to explain how she feels, then judge from that how to proceed with said information.

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BigMouse12 t1_ixayyya wrote

Maturity is in being able to take a step back and listen. Even if her assessment is fair. The guy is saying he was drugged, she believe he had mental breakdown, maybe the first thing is to see to it he gets help first and break up with him a little later. A “ruined party night” is peanuts next to the mental health of your partner. If it’s a new relationship, I get it. But if it’s been 6 months, she should start thinking about his health with more priority

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imanon33 t1_ix89jgy wrote

This happened to me years ago. I was on my second drink at a warehouse party and I put my drink down next to the drinks of some ladies nearby. The next thing I know I was being escorted out by security. All my money was gone and I had lost three hours of time. Totally blacked out. It was the craziest experience of my life and incredibly upsetting.

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Freerz OP t1_ix8akmc wrote

Sorry to hear you had to deal with that also. I feel so gross and violated and I’m sure that you did too.

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imanon33 t1_ix8wjt3 wrote

It took me a while to figure out what happened. It was really confusing because I didn't think this could happen to me. It took a friend telling me that's what it was for it to finally click.

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Freerz OP t1_ix905qd wrote

That’s how it was for me too. I didn’t realize it until I was telling my buddy and he told me. Then we check my bank statements to compare how many drinks I thought I had to how many I did have.

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imanon33 t1_ix94ypl wrote

The speed that I blacked out was what scared me the most. Every other time I've lost time or had fuzzy memories from drinking (maybe 3 times my whole life) the descent was very slow and I had every opportunity to stop to prevent it. This was like a light switch. Super scary.

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Diiiiirty t1_ixb1zst wrote

Yep, happened to me too. You go from remembering everything to remembering nothing. Like someone cut out that swatch of time with scissors. I only know about the shit I did because my friends were with me and thought I was just wasted. I was with a group of friends, including several attractive girls, at a shitty crowded dive bar in a sketchy college town and had 2 drinks. It was also quarter draft night and the group I was with would buy 20 beers at a time and they were served to us in open cups on a cafeteria tray. I think our group had 3 trays stacked on top of each other before we even started drinking. Didn't take long for me to piece together what had happened to me. I took a roofie bullet intended for one of the girls.

What I haven't been able to figure out is why? Even if the responsible person managed to drug one of the girls instead of my ugly ass, what was their play? She was with a group of like 15 people, at least 8 or 9 of whom were gigantic men. I played football in college and hung out with a bunch of linebackers and defensive linemen. I'm a pretty big dude by most people's standards and I was the smallest guy the group. So what was the next move that wouldn't result in the assailant dying?

2

mom_with_an_attitude t1_ixadcuu wrote

OP, I think you need to share this entire thread with your girlfriend so she can better understand what happened to you.

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flamingoeater t1_ix9avt0 wrote

Dude. This happened to me once. Except I half woke up and kind of came to as I was about to have sex with someone. It was fucking awful. I NEVER would have done that, especially with the person it was. After a few minutes of realizing what was happening to me, and escorting them out, I ran to the bar to figure out what the fuck happened but it was already closing time. The next morning I woke up and didn't feel hungover at all. I just felt the worse sense of dread and being violated that I'd ever felt. All my money was gone, my friends had left earlier in the night and I think someone took advantage of seeing me by myself.

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Soup_Sensitive t1_ix8a4il wrote

:( sorry that happened to you. Really sucks having no memory of what transpired.

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Impulsive94 t1_ix8ple9 wrote

Something similar happened to me shortly after meeting my ex. We'd been seeing each other for 2 months at this point. She had a small group of 3 friends she used to go on nights out with - 2 guys and a girl. None of them had slept together but she'd kissed one of the guys ages ago & it turns out he had a thing for her. Didn't discover that until after all this.

In short, we went to this guys place for pre drinks and pizza. All good, feeling good and we go out. 2 bars through and 5-6 drinks in for me, we go to a club but me and him are walking ahead of the others. We get into the club and he buys me a drink.

After that I was apparently dancing with the other girl closely while he was there with her telling her how bad I was for her and how he'd never do that to her. I remember bits and pieces, her taking me to the women's toilets because she needed a wee and didn't want to leave me alone because of the state I was in. Ended up throwing up loads in there before she took me out and we got a cab back to this guys place as a group. Threw up a bunch more throughout the night and woke up feeling like death warmed up and no memory of anything past entering the club and him getting us a drink.

Her friend was driving me and her home and it was the coldest, quietest ride I've ever had. I was clueless so was asking what was wrong, if they were just hungover etc and nobody said a word. She told me what I'd done when we got back and was close to breaking up with me.

She told me about this guy and what he was saying while I was dancing with her friend. I asked her if he was big into drugs or anything dodgy because it didn't feel right that I'd be so drink after so few drinks - she even said it was bizarre because she'd had the same amount of drinks as me up until the club and was a lot smaller than me, but was still fully aware of what she was doing. She said he does all sorts - Mcat, coke, MDMA, ketamine, whatever. It all kinda clicked because like you, OP, I knew my limits and I was barely tipsy before we went into the club. The only drink I had all night without her there or one of us watching it on our table was with him.

After taking some time on her own to think, she suspected he'd drugged me to win her over and show that he was better than other guys for her. Dude was hounding her to meet up while we took a break. She was initially heartbroken when she saw me dancing with her friend & he was holding her back, but when she saw the state I was in when I came back to the table she recognised I was completely out of it and took care of me.

Stayed together 4 and a half years after that, then she cheated on me in our home during lockdown lmao.

In short, all you can do is ask her if that's the person she knows you to be (drunk any other time or sober), apologise profusely and ask her to sit down and walk through the night with you - when did you leave drinks unattended, when did your behaviour change etc. She might put 2 and 2 together for something you don't remember and this will both help you understand what happened to you as well as maybe clear things up with her.

Regardless, I'd apologise to anyone that you upset separately for anything you said. Don't blame it on being drugged as you don't have any proof, just take the L for now. Your GF will tell them what you talk about separately and hopefully they'll understand. Good luck.

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Freerz OP t1_ix8q53v wrote

Thanks for the insight. Sorry you went through that!

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Impulsive94 t1_ix96xeb wrote

It's all good! Really shit at the time & took me a couple months to fully understand it but realised it was never my fault, nor something I really had control over. You were in a similar position from the sounds of it, so don't blame yourself or for any of the fallout that comes from it.

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cmori3 t1_ixaerbz wrote

One thing to keep in mind from his comment, girl in question acted exactly like yours. Even though it "worked out" (she believed him) she still cheated on him years later. The fact that your girlfriend is acting the same suggests she will do this too. Please keep it in mind.

−33

NiceIsNine t1_ixc0oxr wrote

Years later is enough time to change completely, hell I would say a month is enough to change a person completely, especially that it happened during lockdown and people can play with your mind, so no, the fact that the girlfriend acted the same suggests nothing.

1

cmori3 t1_ixaej7o wrote

Jesus, us guys need to get better at reading red flags. Her friend drugs you to try and break you up and she is trying to decide if she should do it or not.

Even when she realized that you were drugged and something was not right, she sticks to her guns "maybe we should break up"... Right after her criminal friend fkn drugged you. It was completely her fault but you were made to suffer.

​

Seems like such a common issue with women, where they think very positively of themselves morally and this allows them to act in the most heinous ways towards people who are close to them. As guys we probably need some situations like this to identify if we have a good partner. It's not enough to look at their positive aspects, we have to see them in a situation where they feel justified in being the worst version of themselves.

−25

Impulsive94 t1_ixaj93s wrote

That's not a healthy attitude to have man. Can't go through life thinking about all the worst case scenarios and it's not fair to tar every woman with the same brush because of one experience.

Yes something shitty happened to me but you have to look at it from both sides. She just thought I was drunk and trying it on with her close friend in front of her. I didn't and don't blame her for thinking the worst, but we spoke about it and she listened to me. That's what matters.

14

cmori3 t1_iy2n7o9 wrote

Well I'm talking about avoiding these horrible experiences that come from trusting women who are not trustworthy. I think when this woman was so ready to blame you for her friend drugging you, that should have been a sign for you to end the relationship. You can say you disagree but it's a difficult case to make because the relationship ended with her cheating. Like she nearly did when her friend drugged you.

1

DarkAthena t1_ix841hs wrote

It’s probably to late to see if drugs are still in your system, especially GHB.

I’m sorry OP.

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BasvdB t1_ix8da14 wrote

>was mean to her friends, love bombing her, crying, and being completely crazy.

Those are not quite the effects of GHB tho. If he'd report being dizzy, touches feeling 'warm', a tat sleepy and maybe a hint of nousea / acid burn, I would consider ghb. Based on this story it seems unlikely.

Edit: additionally, the taste is very pungent and hard to miss. A sober person would not likely be unaware if they ingested it.

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johnclark6 t1_ix8g8fv wrote

It can cause aggression and confusion as well. I think it could very well be GHB. But I think he should explore the possibility regardless.

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Phretik t1_ix8njn2 wrote

Second this. I've seen people screaming on the floor fighting demons or fighting their friends and loved ones after being spiked with GHB. Nasty stuff.

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cmori3 t1_ixae4wp wrote

Nah according to this guy people take it to feel warm and sleepy.

4

Armando909396 t1_ixamhok wrote

Nah rohypnal and other benzos cause this when mixed with alcohol, is literally like liquid ecstasy hence the nickname and can put you to sleep quick

1

NightGod t1_ixacasp wrote

It honestly sounds like roofies more than GHB

2

Alpha3K t1_ix8ohoc wrote

If she's really that quick to question whether she wants to stay with you, I'd overthink whether it's worth staying with her.

No, seriously. If you explained to her what you just wrote here - that you barely drank and might have been drugged - and she's still questioning herself with you (if there was no such incidents before), then she's quite quick to leave. Better now than later, as hard as that may sound.

(Don't get me wrong, she's still of course got all right to be mad at you for what happened. I just find that reaction a little far taken in relation to what happened and what the circumstances were. Did you seriously hurt someone? No? If it was just a ruined day - sometimes, things turn your days to shit, and it can happen within seconds. I'd question whether she appreciates the effort you put into making this a good day for her, which at least taken from this post you say you did).

63

Freerz OP t1_ix8p2x3 wrote

I really like this take and perspective. I acknowledge she has the right to be mad. I would be too. But also she needs to seriously take into consideration what might have been.

38

Brangusler t1_ixbmdaf wrote

Ok let's translate what probably actually happened. No girls don't usually end long term things for just one shitty night or some moderately weird or shitty thing if they're actually attracted and happy with the relationship. What they do do is wait for a bit, knowing they're not attracted to the guy anymore, waiting for him to do something (or baiting him into it), waiting for an excuse where they can put the blame on them more directly and be like "see this is why we're breaking up" (usually while they're weighing their options with another guy they have eyes on.) Also makes a more convenient thing to tell their friends and family aside from "I was bored shitless and wanted to fuck other dudes". Lol

OP it was probably over long before that. You seem like a nice guy so I'm guessing there weren't big fuckups beyond just being boring and unattractive. She's already lost attraction, looking for a convenient way to end things. You take her out for the whole smorgasbord of nice guy gestures. Cooking for her, taking her to a garden (lol), buying an expensive dinner, going out and buying drinks for everyone. Followed by crying, making her friends see you as lame and embarassing through whatever behavior you're doing, and being super needy and clingy (that's what love bombing is, isn't it?), Followed by going to bed without fucking the shit out of her. Yes it's nice to take her out for her birthday, but if she's already lost attraction for you, basically all of these are icks. Regardless of whether you were drugged or not. Getting drugged is obviously a good escuse for your behavior and is shitty, but that doesn't stop her from feeling the way she feels in the moment. Attraction ain't a choice.

I'm sure it was obvious he was more fucked up than he should be, so why else would she try to reframe it as a "psychotic episode" and "love bombing". Both of these make you out to be a clingy, fucked up, needy, weirdo, which fits nicely with her desire to break up with you. A healthy relationship where she's attracted, she goes "wait something's wrong. We should get OP home". Instead she just...allows you to basically self destruct the relationship. Yeah sorry op but this shit was over for a minute.

−5

leapin_lizardzz t1_ix9mpbq wrote

For all you trying to discredit op story::: I (kind-of)did the math

your body is constantly metabolizing....1 sec Google shows that the avg male metabolizes alcohol at a rate of 0.015 g/100mL/hour, which is the same as reducing your BAC level by 0.015 per hour.

It shows a shot can increase BAC by .02 -.04 Let's assume op is in the middle at .03 rise for every drink.

So...

5 drinks x .03 = BAC of 0.15

Then subtract the .015 burned off every hour..

0.15 - 4 x 0.015 (old school order of operations you fuckers!!) = a end of night BAC of 0.09

0.09 while over the driving limit is most definitely NOT Black out drunk....

Somethings up....either op is confused by how much alcohol he drank or something else is going on

ALSO!!! I find it suspect that GF said she thought it was a psychotic episode....NOT you dumbass drank too much and turned crazy. This indicates to me its not his normal drinking/drunk behavior

45

Lolurisk t1_ix8eo4q wrote

As many people have said, sounds like you were drugged. Most likely it was intended for one of the girls but it is also possible one of her friends hates you and did it to cause issues.

37

IanFoxOfficial t1_ix8ajyp wrote

Explain to her. If she doesn't accept that, she's probably not a keeper anyway.

25

mormontea t1_ix8nvrq wrote

I don’t like this comment because it’s negating the actions that happened. What she experienced is very real and she can need time to recover from that. As far as being drugged, GHB isn’t likely to cause aggression. Although still possible, there’s no way to know at this point.

−3

Freerz OP t1_ix8ao18 wrote

She’s a keeper in my book, but thank you for the advice

−14

bosstea16 t1_ix8h4ks wrote

I mean understand what this person is saying. None of us know her, but if she isn’t concerned about the fact you possibly got drugged , and is instead blaming you, that’s an issue.

If she got drugged she would expect you to believe her and not suggest that she had a break down

42

johnclark6 t1_ix8fr63 wrote

I'm sorry man. I hope she can believe you. That's happened to me one time and like you, I did not feel hungover when I woke up. I honestly had no idea at the time. Hope it all turns out OK.

25

Freerz OP t1_ix8fzry wrote

I’m sorry you also had a similar experience. Hope you managed to get past it easily

21

MadKillerKittens t1_ix9lhjn wrote

I've been roofied downtown, it was a similar experience. The idiots I was with also thought I was having a psychotic break. If you can not remember it at all at and if it seems extremely out of character behavior for you even if you were blackout drunk, then I'd say yes, it was likely a roofie. Not everyone gets tired, some people trip balls. I apparently was crying, being mean to strangers (extraordinarily out of character for me), and by the end of the night I was apparently babbling about faries, saving the universe, and something something time continuum.

24

Slyrfn1986 t1_ix8fbny wrote

Tell her you took one for the team (whatever was slipped into your drink) and if she doesn’t understand, tell her to go kick rocks. You’re a hero in my book…

19

SKatieRo t1_ix93vya wrote

Go to your doctor ASAP. Honestly, it really truly sounds as though you were drugged. My friend had that experience and thank goodness her friends wouldn't let her go with thr guy who clearly drugged her. Unfortunately many of those drugs leave your system quickly. Go ASAP.

17

sunshinefireflies t1_ixay4ky wrote

This. Or call a local emergency department, or police, or whoever, to find out who the appropriate people to test, quickly

2

acidrain69 t1_ix9mxp2 wrote

Have you considered writing Wreck it Ralph fanfic porn involving you and your girlfriend as an apology? /s

14

DadOfFan t1_ixa8fy8 wrote

Really sorry what happened to you. but what really spooks me is the "me too's" in the comment section. Often blokes who put their drink down near a woman's drink.

WTF is wrong with MEN. No wonder woman are literally afraid of every man, if they cant go out without the fear of their drinks being spiked.

I am so sorry ladies. I know in my day we were not always gentlemen, but this sort of behaviour was rare (unknown).

I do not know what the solution is but we have to find one.

10

Phretik t1_ix8nafq wrote

Sounds like you were spiked.

Seen it 100s of times. It always seems like they're incredibly drunk or having a mental break. If your girlfriend doesn't seem concerned about it then find yourself another girlfriend. You could have ended up in a real bad situation. You ruined nothing.

9

macrone13 t1_ix8okc1 wrote

Sometimes if you don’t eat properly or are coming down with something, alcohol can hit you differently. I’ve had occasions where my tolerance is half of what it would normally be just due to those factors. Could this be the case? The fact that you were blackout and have no memory of anything makes me think it could be drugging though….

9

Freerz OP t1_ix8os5r wrote

I don’t think that’s the case. We ate a lot at dinner. Do find myself having a cough today though, but I don’t really think Im sick either.

10

GelbeForelle t1_ix9dy07 wrote

Honestly? You spent the whole day preparing stuff for her birthday. Even if you made a mistake and went over your limit, you showed how much you care and imo the least she could do is honor that by giving you a second chance there. And that's assuming this is what happened. Best case would be that she at least considers your story. Personally, she comes off as a little selfish. We weren't there and only heard your story, though. Wishing you the best on clearing things up

5

Rahdiggs21 t1_ix8q3dv wrote

this happened to me my junior year of college.. i was absolutely shit faced after 2 beers.. barely walk or speak.. i made it to my girlfriends house and we knew something was up but fortunately i made it home before i passed out or anything worse happened..

9

dragnflied t1_ix8sbkw wrote

You may have had a drink that was intended for one of the ladies you were with.

7

desertprincess69 t1_ix8rrye wrote

Hey buddy ! Sorry this happened. You very well may have been drugged. While it makes sense for your gf to be upset, if she has a sense of empathy / compassion, that should be sufficient within the context of this incident to not destroy the relationship. She probably needs some time. Because as everyone else is saying, there also needs to be some room for her to understand that you may have been drugged, and to be concerned about your well-being

Tbh, I have seen a lot of shitty social attitudes in relation to alcohol. You’re expected to drink, really heavily sometimes, and still manage to “handle your alcohol” ….. but tbh the effects of alcohol can easily go haywire, depending on the person. Feeling sickly beforehand / not eating enough / having things on your mind / the type of alcohol you’re drinking etc. etc. etc. can make anyone “lose it” from time to time. It’s sort of a gamble in terms of who you are and where you’re at in terms of your physiology at any given time. Alcohol is a drug, and it will never not be, no matter how socially acceptable its consumption is. So, even if you weren’t drugged, these things happen. It sucks, but it happens. Take it easy ! Hope everything pans back out. You can always message her friends and apologize. Everyone has had moments where they acted in ways that didn’t reflect who they really are, alcohol / drugs involved or not

6

AlbionsRegent t1_ix90kcp wrote

I’ve been spiked twice, sounds like what happened to me.

6

FoxhoundVI t1_ix97wqm wrote

if MY bih is more concerned about reflecting on whether or not to ditch my ass over something like that instead of trying to figure out what caused such erratic behavior then she getting switched up no questions asked.

6

Soup_Sensitive t1_ix7zkkp wrote

How much did you drink in total? How did you feel when you woke up?

4

Freerz OP t1_ix7zu7g wrote

In total over the 4 or so hours I had 1 shot and 4 drinks, which is low for someone with my tolerance. Mostly I was just confused. No real hangover, kinda drowsy and lethargic. I woke up with recollection of like 1 moment and that’s it.

15

Soup_Sensitive t1_ix80m7e wrote

4 mixed drinks? Because a long Island has 2 1/2 shots. I can only give you a story about how I got drugged to see if anything seems similar. Went out for st Patty's with a now ex, was enjoying a Guinness, next I know I'm waking up in my bed and feeling like I had the flu. I have no memory after holding the glass. It is possible you were drugged, take a test asap. If it turns out you were, call the places you had drinks and warn them. Maybe they can find footage of what happened if they have cameras.

20

Freerz OP t1_ix82zy8 wrote

3 rum and cokes and a glass of champagne

13

DeadpoolsITguy t1_ix88l1a wrote

yeah buddy it sounds like there was more than alcohol in one of those glasses, possibly not even meant for you.

32

Phighters t1_ix893jg wrote

If they were doubles or more, could get ya in trouble.

1

doctorcaesarspalace t1_ix8beum wrote

Not the way he described though

3

Freerz OP t1_ix8ct83 wrote

I didn’t order doubles if they were. I didn’t even want to be drunk, just a little buzzed. I was going to have to perform later most likely.

8

DotishGuy t1_ixaf7vm wrote

could be an interaction with some meds ur currently on as well

4

Breslau616 t1_ix9ojrk wrote

If it ever happens to anyone, please make sure to pee in a cup and have it tested. This does seem like one of those drugged up cases. If it's not your fault, have it tested and defend yourself.

3

elliebellrox t1_ixar5yl wrote

I’m not sure if you’re a girl or a guy, but it could also be health related.

If you’ve got low iron/anemia, if you’re on anti-anxiety meds or the like.

Just a thought!

3

Freerz OP t1_ixasfz4 wrote

I’m a guy which is why I never thought I’d be in this situation

2

RedPillNavigator t1_ix8ot8j wrote

If your a heavy drinker and have blacked out before its easy to happen again and again. My friend is an alcoholic (M37). He is a daily drinker and every few months he gets black out drunk and then thinks someone spiked his drink. If you are truly not a heavy drink then go for that drug test like top post says.

2

Rattimus t1_ixa8jat wrote

Get drug-tested if you can find somewhere to do it/can afford it.

This sounds exactly like what happened to my cousin a few years ago, turns out some frat guys drugged her at a Halloween party. Very fortunately, her friends did not think she was psycho and were able to get her out of there.

2

raelik777 t1_ixb9rsc wrote

Yeahhhhh, 1 glass of champagne, 3 drinks and a shot over 4 hours should have had you buzzed at best, not blackout wasted. Either someone was trying to get you out of the way, or they were trying to slip something to your girlfriend or more likely one of her friends and they drugged the wrong drink.

2

Orbnotacus t1_ix8fha1 wrote

Leave her.

She doesn't believe you, so she doesn't trust you. And you're just suppose to wait to hear if she wants to be with you? Is not worth it, cut your losses.

1

Armando909396 t1_ixam0g0 wrote

This happened to me at a bar, some asshole bartender put some benzo in my drink and I lost my shit and ended up going through a window and bleeding out

Edit: she’s not the one my dude even if you did have a psychotic break so doesn’t care about your well-being? Or your relationship

1

Diiiiirty t1_ixb0l7s wrote

I don't know if it is too late to go to the hospital to get tested for date rape drugs.

I caught a roofie bullet when I was out drinking with a group of girls in college. After a few drinks I was completely out of control and blacked out. I woke up in a bush at a McDonald's in the hood wearing clothes that weren't mine. The next day hangover was similar to the time I drank a liter of Jim Beam just to see if I could (spoiler -- I could. But I paid for it the next day with alternating shits and pukes until nothing but bile was coming from either end).

Do you take a stimulant like Adderall or Concerta by chances? Those can give you the blackout effect while you're still on your feet. It's also possible if you're a bigger guy that the dose was smaller because it was intended for a small woman and not you.

Either way, sounds like you were roofied. I'm not sure if you can still get a medical test done for it but I'd go anyways just in case.

1

Dyanpanda t1_ixb2k7t wrote

Get a blood toxicology scan, ask to check for being drugged.

1

ExoticBasil4238 t1_ixb2tal wrote

I got drugged once and I know there is more than one type of drug to take advantage of someone, when it happened to me I had 2 drinks at dinner, we walked back to the car but my wife had to use the restroom so we stopped in a bar, I grabbed another beer because of the long line in the bathroom, drank the beer and by the time she got out I went from (almost) completely sober to black out passing out drunk, over the course of maybe 15 minutes, not even enough time for the beer to hit. I say all of that to say this, I had the worst hangover of my life the next day, couldn’t open my eyes or move kind of hangover, but you could have been dosed with something else

1

McNasty1304 t1_ixb3e5j wrote

Fluffy drinks and shots don’t mix well at all. Possibly drank more than your realized.

1

ExoticWeapon t1_ixb5yhd wrote

Sounds like you got roofied tbh

1

19_Deschain19 t1_ixb9rak wrote

This is why my friends and I drank at home around a fire outside or durning football games in house. Its close friends, everyone can crash here, no worries of date rape drugs or anything else. Also by far cheaper than a bar!!

1

General_Colt t1_ixbc4ia wrote

The girlfriend roofied you... Dun dun dahhhh!

1

lotuslynn111 t1_ixblyvo wrote

Ah I guess it’s too late to get a drug test :/ ?

1

SpecialpOps t1_ixbpgp6 wrote

This really sucks, and I’m sorry it happened to you.

I had a girlfriend many years ago who went out with some of her friends for her birthday. This woman was a professional drinker and could put away a six pack before feeling anything. She had one beer when she was out with her friends.

She and I were going out that night for dinner and when I went to pick her up she was completely out of sorts. She told me about the one beer that she had but she was so out of it it was almost as if she had a couple of six packs and half a bottle of vodka. she fell headfirst into her unlit fireplace and I took her in to get stitches. She was still acting very disconnected almost as if she didn’t understand anything that was going on around her.

It wasn’t until a few days later that we figured she was probably roofied at the bar in the city she went to with her friends.

It can be very scary to not be in control of your own mind and not understand why. Your girlfriend should’ve had sympathy for you, especially understanding your limits.

1

player12391 t1_ixai75y wrote

Bro that sucks relationships come and go that's nature but dude if there's one thing you take away from this at the end of the day learn to control your liquor

0

ThoolooExpress t1_ixahs4g wrote

If she actually cared about you her first thought if she thought you had some kind of psychotic break would be for your health, not questioning your relationship. I'm not it's never justified to break up with somebody because their mental health issues are getting in the way of your relationship, but if the relationship was otherwise going well that should be more significant decision than you can have in the morning after a weird night out.

Also some of these comments are making me think I might've been drugged in the past and assumed I'd drank more than I thought I did.

−1

bloddybear t1_ixbe5aw wrote

men😟😟😟 yikes some of u guys... just went so so wrong being raised. ugh

−2

Not_ToBe_Rude_But t1_ix8jz2j wrote

Sometimes a small amount of alcohol can cause you to black out. It's not always a 1:1 ratio. Sometimes I can drink 20 beers and be fine, sometimes I drink two and have the worst hangover ever. I've seen this happen to people before. And if you blacked out, you might have drank more than you thought. One thing to also consider is if you're taking any medication. Another thing to consider is that this stuff happens sometimes. I've been around drunk people for enough decades to know that sometimes people get disproportionately drunk compared to how many drinks they had, and many times think they were drugged but forget that alcohol itself is a very powerful drug with unpredictable results.

−3

Mindless_Button_9378 t1_ix9440y wrote

You said you bought a round of shots, and 2 rounds. In the real world (every bar I've been to) that could equate to 5 to 7 shots of alcohol just in that place. If you were on an empty stomach you would, most probably, be blitzed.

−3

fletcherox t1_ixabmaf wrote

That would mean that they were pouring more than doubles in each glass, definitely not common practice. Also op said it was post dinner.

3

CaliWilly76 t1_ix9qflr wrote

" I have a glass of champagne and a drink. Then we go to another bar. I buy a round of shots, and 2 drinks. "

Mixing drinks can be very hard on the body and can cause someone to get overly drunk pretty quickly, especially if you have a smaller stature.

−5

d4nowar t1_ix9z21i wrote

5 drinks over four hours is enough to make you drunk enough to act kinda ridiculous imo. Especially if you had food in your belly that slowed down the absorption of alcohol of the first few drinks but not afterwards so the latter bit hit all at once.

−7

tosernameschescksout t1_ix8oyx5 wrote

Check yourself to see if you're actually an alcoholic. Might be time to be done with that shit.

−9

twohedwlf t1_ix9nn86 wrote

Hah, if he was an alcoholic that little bit to drink he'd still be dead sober.

4

maciver6969 t1_ix9kaod wrote

If you cant handle alcohol, maybe you shouldnt drink alcohol. Something here sounds fishy - either you drank more than you thought or you had help. Ask your GF how many drinks you had after writing how many you had, and say have you EVER seen me this way after X drinks. Ask her if she thinks it is possible something was added to your drink. If your # and hers are vastly different you may have a problem. EITHER way, I would say call the people at https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline or similar depending on country of origin of course. They can refer you to people who can help if you were drugged, or simply had too much.

−11

Freerz OP t1_ix9kk2l wrote

She already told me that she didn’t understand why I was the way I was because we had near the same amount of drinks. She agrees with me there. But instead she’s jumping to psychotic episodes rather than being drugged. I have never had one and have never given her a reason to think so either.

6

Ok-disaster2022 t1_ix96de6 wrote

I will never be sympathetic with people who get shit faced in public. There was an easy solution: don't drink alcohol.

−22

wsdog t1_ix8l09w wrote

"I was drugged" is the most popular excuse now.

−24

emtrigg013 t1_ix8ly8o wrote

Probably because more and more people are drugging others.

11

wsdog t1_ix8m1hv wrote

Probably it's just easy and hard to prove the opposite?

−12

[deleted] t1_ix80899 wrote

[deleted]

−37

radioborderland t1_ix82lfo wrote

This is completely insane. Did we read the same post? The guy had such an unusual reaction that he is confused and suspects that he was drugged. This does not sound like something that has happened to him before, so why would it warrant him giving up alcohol?

22

Hot2Trot94 t1_ix83b5s wrote

Indeed, looks very much like u/1feralengineer is just anti-alcohol as a whole and pushing their lifestyle. Also bud, if you did get drugged 'i still did what i did when i was' does not apply. Drugs absolutely change the way you behave, especially when you don't know you are on them and can compensate for it.

If you did not choose to take drugs but were slipped some, you are not responsible for what happened under their influence. Date rape victims are victims not participants.

17

Freerz OP t1_ix80di1 wrote

It is important to me and I do take full responsibility. Even if I did end up drugged I still did what I did when I was.

12

bosstea16 t1_ix8hfvg wrote

If you drugged you have zero to apologize over honestly. I mean I get why you say that, but you can’t control yourself in that situation that you were the victim of.

Key word there being victim.

Again respectfully sent, because you just responded to another comment of mine 😂

3

[deleted] t1_ix81toa wrote

[deleted]

−33

Frisnfruitig t1_ix876wc wrote

Sorry but this is ridiculous. Dude had 1 negative experience, possibly because of drugs. That doesn't mean he can't have a drink once in a while lol

4

ragefaze t1_ix8bqh5 wrote

Agree. Also live the rest of your life like one of those hindu wisemen who keep one arm permanently raised over their head for the rest of your life.

1

coyote-1 t1_ix889s7 wrote

You did her a favor. Alcohol is a de-inhibitor; who we are when drunk is who we are. She has seen who you really are.

−59

Freerz OP t1_ix88ivi wrote

I wasn’t drunk. I was drugged.

20

WritingUnderMount t1_ix8cn0o wrote

Yeah don't listen to that guy, but definitely try to explain the situation to your partner. And as other people said, drugs do change who you are , so none of this is your fault. I'm sorry that someone was trying to drug you (or maybe even someone else)

8

Freerz OP t1_ix8cwm9 wrote

Thanks for the advice and kind words.

5

WritingUnderMount t1_ix8d4k4 wrote

Of course, hope you can heal from the trauma of that night and that your partner understands, it's hard being vulnerable , but even harder when you are forced into it by drugs. Have a good day , I hope :)

3

Soup_Sensitive t1_ix8a154 wrote

That's not true. It may lower your inhibitions but in a sober mind you rely on more full thought than impulse. Using a full frame of mind is who you are, not just one part.

5

WritingUnderMount t1_ix8cwoo wrote

It really isn't though , I'm sorry you had some bad experiences with people and alcohol (I'm guessing), but try to realise that you're only adding a negative voice to someone who has had a bad experience. When someone reaches out for help and you shame them, does that not show who you are, 'who you really are'?

4

coyote-1 t1_ix8mml9 wrote

It really is. I LOVE to see the folks I’m with get drunk! I do not promote it, but if they choose that path I dig it. I get to see who they really are.… and thereby get to see who to avoid in the future.

Alcohol in and of itself is not addictive. Yes you can become dependent on it, but it is not straight-up addictive like heroin. Hundreds of millions of people can have a beer or a glass of wine, and not have to have another the next day or the day after that. They don’t have to get their fix. If alcohol were an addictive substance that would not be true; virtually everyone who ever has a drink would be spending their next many hours/days seeking the next drink.

The people who get addicted to alcohol do so for one main reason: it gives them license to be who they really are. The gal who is ordinarily prim and proper, but after four glasses of champagne she’s in a motel banging the bartender? The crazy uncle who usually sits sullenly in his recliner, but after three beers starts beating his wife and kids? Those are the folks who are addicted. And it is because the alcohol lets them be who they are. Takes away the socially acceptable mask they usually wear.

Who in the world does not want to be who they truly are?? THAT is what is addicting to these people; they get to be that socially unacceptable person they’ve been hiding away. All they need is a few drinks to reconnect with their true selves.

Virtually no one goes to AA meetings saying “yeah although I enjoy it and am harming no one, I drink too much so here I am”. It is almost always accompanied by “I did XXXXXXX, and in the process hurt others and/or embarrassed myself, and I keep doing it and can’t control it anymore” or something similar.

When they do these terrible things it is not the alcohol doing the thing. It is the person, the true person, doing the thing. Blaming alcohol or blaming an addiction to alcohol is evasion.

−15

Fthwrlddntskmfrsht t1_ix8w3fu wrote

Did you seriously just say alcohol isnt addictive and because ppl can drink one day and not the next then it doesnt count as addiction? Yikessss. You need to go read up on addiction. I got news for you: someone who’s been sober 25yrs after being an alcoholic is still addicted. After 25yrs straight of not drinking the next day/ they are still addicted. Another news flash: a heroin addict is also addicted for life. Just because they are sober for X years doesnt mean shit. That’s why the people who have recovered are VERY serious about their sobriety dates. All it takes is a single slip- even 25 yrs later, and their entire life can spiral out of control again.

5

coyote-1 t1_ix9179t wrote

You are restating what I said, and not accurately. I am not claiming that because someone somewhere can go a day without a drink, alcohol is not addictive. I stated that hundreds of millions can drink something today, and then not go for a ‘fix’ thereafter. They can go days or weeks or whatever, WITHOUT COUNTING DAYS, and not be obsessing over where/when they last had alcohol or where/when they might next have, or have to abstain from, having it again.

To repeat: were the substance itself addictive, that would not be the case. The bottle would enslave everyone it touches. IT DOES NOT.

But I can see where alcoholics wish to imagine that it’s the demon rum that is the problem. Beats the hell out of acknowledging maybe I just like anonymous wild sex or maybe I’m just a mean and nasty prick or whatever, in a world that approves of neither trait. Or perhaps spares one the effort of digging into one’s past to grasp exactly how one became that way.

−7

Fthwrlddntskmfrsht t1_ix9ayq9 wrote

You are so wildly misinformed it’s ridiculous. Do not spew your shit to anyone who is addicted to anything and please let them get help from actual professionals. To any real addict, you are DANGEROUS to talk to. You are going to ruin someone’s life by trying to be a know it all with no real credentials to do so. You do not understand the scientific ins and outs of addictions and it shows. I am not qualified to help others either- but the difference is I am out here correcting ppl who are clearly misinformed and who are likely spewing their BS to others. I am only giving my version of the info in order to combat others from providing help when they are not qualified.

My suggestion to anyone reading this all who knows they struggle with addiction: talk to a professional and avoid anyone like this guy like the plague bc they will misinform you and stop you from getting the help you need.

3

coyote-1 t1_ix9gu6r wrote

Who is stopping anyone from getting help?
I notice you are not refuting my points; instead, you are making adhominem attacks.

−4

Fthwrlddntskmfrsht t1_ix9kaig wrote

I didnt even read your response either time bc all I needed was to scan and understand you were trying to defend your original statements, which are impossible to defend.

You are dangerous. Please stop talking to me. Please stop misinforming other people too. If anyone ever asks you about how addiction works please just refer them to a professional who knows what addiction actually is- and dont even for a second start spewing them your own version of what is the actual addiction, etc. Again- you are dangerous. Go away.

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jserif t1_ix8wz9x wrote

That’s not how alcohol addiction works; none of the science on it agrees with your take. Assigning your weird ideologies to addicts might make you feel very smart but don’t use them to try and shame people, let alone someone who says they were drugged.

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coyote-1 t1_ix9566h wrote

What does the science say about why hundreds of millions can consume alcohol with no craving for it again? If the alcohol itself is the cause of addiction, how do we explain this?

By a “prone to alcoholism” gene? How does such a gene expand through the gene pool, when it would have to be a gene that reduces one‘s survivability? How does it even surface to begin with? It’s not like ethyl alcohol has been a ’thing’ for all that long historically, it only ever existed in trace amounts in fruits where particular yeasts happened to have landed. In any concentration, it’s only the past many thousand years that it has surfaced.

Even if such a gene exists, it remains true that the substance itself is not the problem.

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jserif t1_ix96op7 wrote

Millions of people don’t have depression so by your subpar logic, depression isn’t a real problem and suicide is just something selfish people do. Which honestly isn’t really a “gotcha” response because your posts read the way one of those people would speak.

And the length of ethyl’s existence is a weird tangential response to the discussion of how addiction works. Substance abuse doesn’t rely on evolutionary response to each individual substance, but I think you know that. It’s just weird false philosophical points that “hint” at an incorrect answer, one that makes you feel very smart over your peers that drink.

Not sure why anyone would want to drink you, hopefully you’ve kept these shitty thoughts in your head while you’re out judging people who drink.

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coyote-1 t1_ix9bhay wrote

Nowhere did I claim alcoholism is not real. Your reply is one of non-thinking, just knee jerk reaction.

There are millions of people who have a problem with alcohol. I never said otherwise. What I said is that the alcohol is not the cause. That’s a totally different thing than what you are attempting to insinuate here.

And I personally contend that “how addiction works” is widely misunderstood. There are people who are quite literally addicted to hand-washing. They do it tens or hundreds of times daily, when there is no rational need to do so. if addiction is always dependent upon a chemically interactive substance that modifies the brain or nervous system, as you seem to be implying here, what substance is involved in hand-washing that makes some people do it hundreds of times daily?

Millions of people are addicted to gambling. Millions of others can buy a lotto ticket today, and forget they have it in their wallet for months. Is Lotto the problem?

Millions of people can’t stop texting. They do it while walking, while driving. Millions of others don’t bother except when needed for business. Is the text app the problem?

The alcohol is not the issue. Else everyone who ever had a beer would be an alcoholic. The real issue is who the person really is, deep down under the mask they wear in public, and how alcohol allows them to get back to that person. Who would not want to be who they really are whenever possible? If de-inhibitor alcohol helps you get there, who in that scenario would not get addicted to it?

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jserif t1_ix9d681 wrote

It is widely misunderstood, but that doesn’t give you license to use it to justify your own superiority. You call my response a non-thinking reaction, even though what I said was coherent. However, you then use many paragraphs to say that, incorrectly, I implied all addictive things are addictive due to the substance. You reached as far as you could and, surprise, you interpreted it in such a way that makes everyone who did get addicted sound much worse than those who did not. Your responses take some facts and filter them down until they lack any nuance of what the behaviors address in the addict, and finally, argue once again that a drunk person is just the “real” person. I’ll refer to your prior argument then, no doubt something you pulled out of your ass haphazardly; if we haven’t seen alcohol around for a good chunk of human history, then there never would have been any true human behavior before then.

You pretend as if removing inhibition is all alcohol does, you then use that to diagnose why alcoholics are addicted, and are pulling dramatic examples that don’t fit the discussion to bash your way to a perceived win instead of learning anything about yourself. Which… again, if you put yourself around drunk people because it’s fun to see who they truly are, then none of this is surprising so much as it’s just sad.

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coyote-1 t1_ix9ihio wrote

I’m putting out a different paradigm. To date, virtually all paradigms start from the conclusion that the substance is the issue.

AGAIN: if the substance were the issue, everyone who touches it should become addicted... or like folks who’ve taken opiates to alleviate the pain of surgery, struggle a bit to emerge from that.

But alcohol is not like that. Hundreds of millions of people happily enjoy it, with no hint whatsoever of anything like addiction.

So by process of deduction: ALCOHOL ITSELF IS NOT THE ISSUE.

Issue not the substance. issue is the consumer.

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jserif t1_ix9knrk wrote

That’s not a new paradigm though, it’s a staple in the issue that is talked about frequently. Saying that the consumer is the issue doesn’t make them bad people worthy of judgment. There’s a whole slew of variables as to why some people are more prone to addiction or what circumstances lead to behavioral addiction.

To that end, it’s not true that “virtually all” paradigms start at the substance. There’s been a huge shift towards mental health and community involvement as treatment for addiction.

This paradigm you’re putting out, however, is derailment from the original point. You believe that this individual who says he was drugged, having memory loss after drinking a routine amount of alcohol, was actually showing his true colors with the alcohol. The drugs didn’t seem to factor in your initial statement. My disagreement is that being drugged is a real problem, secondarily that alcohol abuse isn’t as simple as showing one’s true nature. Watching drunk friends or putting out different paradigms or talking about addiction, while interesting conversations, keeps shifting the fact that you ignored the crux of the incident to tie it into anecdotal experiences you have while others drink, and your philosophy behind this activity.

Getting drugged or getting drunk are two different things, and if you think OP is lying to hide his own mistakes of showing his true self (mostly due to your observations of drunk people, something you enjoy doing) then this argument becomes a matter of opinion and we can leave it at that.

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BobKickflip t1_ix8lm13 wrote

Some people do switch when drunk, but this situation is sounding like a one off.

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