TIFU by not having a bank account sooner.

Submitted by GwyndolynRedwood t3_z2q92h in tifu

Hi all.

I (21F) did not have a personal bank account until a few months ago. The reason being, I never had the need to have one. I only had a few seasonal jobs, and all the money I received went to my mothers' account. She would take the money out for me and I would keep it in cash.

A couple years ago, my Grandfather passed away. As part of his will, I received a small sum of money (less than 10k) which was paid out speedily and deposited into my mother's savings. My dad received the bulk of the inheritance (over 100k) but the paperwork took time, and needless to say money as well. He asked me if he could borrow money, and in turn, he would give me an extra 10k. As the right thing to do, I accepted. At the time he didn't 'specify' that the money could only be used towards my schooling. I went to Marketing school, and every time I needed to buy school supplies or the like, I had to hound him. He decided what I could spend money on or not. Realistically, I only spent about half at most what he promised during my schooling.

I later learnt from my mom that he had no intention of giving me the rest of that money afterwards.

Now, back to my inheritance money. As a young female adult, I have wants and needs. When I first got it, I spent about 1k over a couple of months before my schooling started. I didn't use any of it during my school term. After school ended, I asked my mom to take out some of my inheritance money, but she kept beating around the bush. She in turn, gave me her own money, when she couldn't afford to. Every couple of months, I kept asking, and she'd give me excuses.

Now that I have my bank account, I asked her if I could transfer my inheritance over. She said "I'll try."
I questioned in my head "Try? what do you mean 'try'"? It was until today that I found out the truth. Turns out, she ended up lending my money to my dad without permission. She lied to me for god knows how long, and he just thought he could sweep this under the rug without me knowing. When I asked how much was left, she replied "I don't know." I knew something was wrong, when she kept dodging my requests. She told me she'd sort this whole situation out, but I really don't think it will.

I don't know what to do, I can't trust my mom anymore after she did this and I can't trust my dad at all more than I already don't.

​

tldr; mom 'lent' my inheritance to my dad and neither of them told me about it, proceeded to lie about it until i finally hounded them enough to find out.

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Comments

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Dependent-Fan2205 t1_ixhpcbt wrote

Good on you for getting your own account and taking control! As if this needs saying, do not ever give either parent access to your new account.

It sounds like your parents really dropped the ball on teaching you to manage money, and I'm sorry for that. Most adults maintain both a checking and a savings account, so that the bulk of their money is in savings and therefore safer. If you haven't already, I'd recommend getting a low-limit credit card and practicing making small purchases and immediately paying them off. That way, when you're ready to make a large purchase, you'll have a credit score.

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RandoCalrissian11 t1_ixk5lv0 wrote

100% pay off immediately. Treat it like cash. Keep expanding the limit but always pay off in full.

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ragingninetails99 t1_ixhjxld wrote

And this is why my parents made sure I had a young person's bank account where all this kind of stuff would go.

Sorry you had this happen to you, but it's never too early to control your own money!

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GwyndolynRedwood OP t1_ixhnxgo wrote

I wasn't taught about money growing up. Both my parents worked paycheque to paycheque. My dad spends his money carelessly feeding addictions, while my mom has spent all her money raising me as a 'single' mother.

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GanacheWeak6896 t1_ixi07yf wrote

Call the police and make a report today now that you know. This will help later when you have to take your dad to court for 20k

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ragingninetails99 t1_ixhtnh3 wrote

Yeah, unfortunately I can see how this kind of thing can happen in a situation like that, even without any malicious intent (at least at first)

Bill comes in slightly above what you were expecting, normally you'd go overdrawn and stuff, but it's ok - you have all this extra money set aside! You'll just remember to put a bit more aside next month.

Whoops, something broke and you don't have the money for it! Well... Surely it wouldn't hurt anyone to use some of this money for it? You'll pay it back before it becomes an issue!

And so on, until you just get used to spending this money that isn't yours, lending it out, etc, until you suddenly realise there's none left.

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yumirow t1_ixiq5jr wrote

That's the second lesson for you, alway be wary of someone's ability to manage money if they live paycheck to paycheck

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scalpingsnake t1_ixi84wx wrote

I wonder if this was just simply neglect or if they intentionally did this to control you for longer. You really should have had a bank account much much sooner.

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DownrightDrewski t1_ixhsnp6 wrote

It blows my mind how often I see stuff on here about parents essentially stealing from their children.

For all of the many many faults of my mother, I'm very happy to say that she's been a financial support rather than a financial burden.

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immibis t1_ixjbres wrote

and the children not even attempting to do anything about it!

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[deleted] t1_ixhrgq8 wrote

[deleted]

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Random_Guy_47 t1_ixjr545 wrote

An add on to this.

If you can't afford it with your debit card you can't afford it with your credit card.

Don't spend what you can't pay for when the bill comes due.

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Timstein0202 t1_ixi43i8 wrote

Good that you take control of your own money now. If your parents are big about Christmas presents or something similar a simple "Sorry I couldn't afford presents for you as I was relying on getting the inheritance money back for them." can do Wonders.

Otherwise if you thin all Bridges are already burned then the legal way can be the right one.

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Adavis72 t1_ixhpmji wrote

I learned my lesson on a much smaller amount of money but, don't loan money to people, especially people with leverage over you (family is in this category.)

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Psychological-Net274 t1_ixhpx0h wrote

Yikes... I'll be looking out for an update on this one. OP I hope you go no contact with your parents if you can....or sue the hell out of them if you can find the legal footing. This is nuts.

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shorterthanyou15 t1_ixi4n5q wrote

You university probably has a free legal clinic for students. I would suggest you check them out and get advice on the situation (as in if you can somehow get the money back by suing or involving police). I know you probably don't want to legally go after your parents, but it's good to know all of your options. And you can always try threatening them with suing/police involvement without actually following through. Just the threat might get them to take it seriously that they stole from you.

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immibis t1_ixjbnbe wrote

Find a lawyer. They are thieves and they can be punished appropriately and forced to give you the money.

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ItsJustMeBeinCurious t1_ixk5ree wrote

Many people have few morals when it comes to money. Unfortunately that sometimes includes parents. You have, they want and suddenly it’s gone and the excuses come out on how it was never really yours. I’m sorry you had to learn this. Separate your finances and guard them carefully.

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Revocation_Of_Doubt t1_ixlquyg wrote

Sounds like your inheritance is not money, but also a life lesson.

Trust nobody.

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