TIFU by telling my gf (28) that I can't get it up with beautiful girls

Submitted by licalier t3_yz3cyz in tifu

So I (33m) woke up this morning with a nasty headache and found a series of messages from my gf of 8 months that basically boiled down to 'how could you be so awful' and 'we should take some time apart from each other'. I had no idea what was going on and after wracking my memory of the previous night I realised that someone must have spiked my drink at the party I had gone to with my gf. I'm not sure if it was something chemical or just strong proof alcohol that I got (I'm a total light-weight) but I had absolutely no idea what I had said and done.

I spent the morning going back and forth between some of my friends who had been at the party and managed to piece together what had happened. Luckily, I hadn't done anything too embarrassing apart from singing the Titanic song at full volume, but unfortunately I had apparently also decided to do an impromptu stand-up routine where I had been... Honest.

To cut a long story short, I had some bad experiences during my high school/uni years with some bitch queens and later found that I just couldn't function in bed with anyone who I found too pretty. Now, my gf isn't bad looking by any stretch, but I think most guys (and girls if you are into that sort of thing) would probably rate her around 6 on a scale from 1 to 10. I apparently made this very clear to her last night in front of all our friends and suffice to say my gf was NOT pleased.

Hopefully she's going to calm down soon and let me speak to her (she hasn't replied to any of my msgs or calls so far). If she doesn't though, I would welcome any suggestions as to how to appropriately manage the situation.

​

TL;DR - Drink got spiked and I embarrassed myself and my gf in front of all our friends by being honest about a bedroom problem, now my gf won't talk to me.

49

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

Active_Skin_1245 t1_iwxufql wrote

Lol she’s done w you bro

183

fuckitsfixed t1_iwzsrb6 wrote

Yeah especially in front of family and friends because after that stunt the judgement will ever end. Dude fucked up, no doubt about that, but I was unaware noone else on reddit has ever fucked up.

Edit: But even by the title homie is trying to down play it. When I clicked it I figured he said something dumb in bed or whatever. Naw, he chose the scorched earth option.

25

licalier OP t1_iwy5pd1 wrote

I'm thinking this the most likely outcome as she is not a saint. Yes. But I'm also hoping she will give me the chance to at least apologise.

−108

Useful_Experience423 t1_iwylggr wrote

No one should have to be a saint to put up with their partner. That’s abuse.

I appreciate what you did was a one off, but you called her unattractive in front of alllll your friends. I don’t see how her self esteem can come back from that, unless she’s from an abusive background where she’s been taught to swallow her own feelings for others’ comfort.

Time to either get into therapy, or take this stuff about mean girls to your grave. Preferably both.

60

RoanDragonKing t1_iwzg8fr wrote

You mean doormat? No reason a "saint" should stick around after that either.

I get you were drunk. That doesnt actually excuse shit though. It is only made slightly less bad bc it doesnt look like you drank on purpose. You still said what you said though. Doesnt make it less hurtful.

37

turdennis t1_iwzigcq wrote

she is not a saint?? why are you finding a way to blame her for being upset about the awful things you said to her? It's ur own damn fault that she is upset, not because she's not a "saint".

10

Spearsy23 t1_ix0eqj7 wrote

I think he meant it as in only a saint would find it in them to forgive him

4

twohedwlf t1_iwxuupb wrote

Yeah, you misspelled ex-gf.

129

Patient-Quarter-1684 t1_iwye4o3 wrote

Damn,you sober up and you still say she's a 6? You done fucked up real good.

I seriously doubt your drink got spiked, you're just a light weight

128

nmoore0067 t1_iwz956b wrote

Bro repeated what he said last night🤣🤣🤣

30

Azure_Bill_Shock t1_iwxz1q7 wrote

I think you and alcohol need a break from each other too.

And stop rating girls from 1 to 10, it's weird and creepy.

81

yumirow t1_iwzdrmf wrote

What if you use numbers for yourself primarily ?

2

licalier OP t1_iwy5b7f wrote

I don't normally. It was to give people an idea of what she looks like without going into creepy detail.

​

And I haven't drunk alcohol (knowingly) for the last 12 years.

−11

LurksAroundHere t1_iwylhjt wrote

Just so you know for the future, a number rating on anyone's looks automatically makes it a creepy detail.

12

Rdpsm t1_iwz7fd6 wrote

Oh, BS. Reality is what reality is. What you're saying here is snowflake nonsense, and you have no right to try to set yourself up as some sort of arbiter, claiming to speak for everyone.

Men are pigs. Deal with it.

−26

ajgrinds t1_iwzlctn wrote

Agree. Agree. Agree. Wait nope not that

7

LurksAroundHere t1_ix0eakl wrote

-says I'm claiming to speak for everyone-

-then calls men pigs-

Ah, I see we have an idiot here.

1

Randilion8 t1_iwxv67v wrote

You are absolutely the asshole here.. not only did you basically tell her she wasn't a "beautiful" girl, but you said it in front of a group of people. I wouldn't bet on her being ok with this anytime soon, or if ever. I understand you were intoxicated but that's no excuse. She will never believe you if you tell her you think she's is beautiful again... Sorry, but you absolutely fucked up in a major way. It's going to take a lot more than I'm sorry or a thing of flowers to make this better..

78

kayla_kitty82 t1_iwy2mxx wrote

This a hundred times over.

You humiliated her, in front of people within your circle, which makes it entirely worse.. almost unforgivable.

You totally fucked up.

29

licalier OP t1_iwy56wd wrote

Yeah, I'm well aware of this. Posted this here partly because I'm sitting here with the knowledge that I've probably wrecked this relationship and quite possibly any chance of finding another person I can relate to for the next... Century or so?

−15

Randilion8 t1_iwygpnn wrote

Hey, we all make mistakes.. just make sure you learn from it and do better next time ❤️

8

shesavillain t1_iwxzbmq wrote

“Hopefully she’s going to calm down soon..” wow, lol really?! You can manage the situation by leaving her alone.

32

licalier OP t1_iwy4yul wrote

'Soon' as in at the very least a few days. Haven't tried contacting her since the morning and trying to figure out how the fuck I'm going to salvage anything out of our (quite probably finished) relationship.

1

yumirow t1_iwze1gq wrote

Honestly, don't try to. Give her one apology and let it go, otherwise you'll act desperate and only make things worse.

11

Leadbellystu t1_iwy157p wrote

If you really think your drink got spiked, go to the hospital and tell them and get a tox screen / drug panel whatever done. If something shows up, you can actually use your otherwise very hard to believe story.

Otherwise, you just got drunk and showed your true colors.

Best of luck and I hope you can reflect instead of being defensive as might be one's immediate reaction to the onslaught of negative, yet honest and accurate, comments here — all of which essentially boil down to "you're an asshole."

But remember, people aren't words. You're not an asshole. You just acted like one and perhaps continue to act in an assholian manner. People change. I would look at this as an opportunity to audit yourself, what you want, who you want to be, and how to become the good person you otherwise think — perhaps incorrectly — that you are today.

31

Harry_Gorilla t1_iwy1max wrote

Ooh yes: do this. Get that tox screen. You might could save the relationship with verified proof that you were not in your right mind

7

licalier OP t1_iwy4vvr wrote

The reason I think my drink got spiked is that I haven't touched alcohol since 1st year of uni. I only ever drink water or whatever else non-alcoholic options are available.

​

And yes. I'm well aware I was a right ass last night. The thing is I have no idea how the hell I'm going to apologise as she doesn't even want to talk to me. I also have no idea how the F I'm going to explain the problem I have as that part is actually true. Lying to her at this point to make her feel better feels scummy but then... Been thinking about this for the last few hours and I'm not getting anywhere.

6

Useful_Experience423 t1_iwyltls wrote

Hang on - hold the press - this is extremely relevant!!

You’re a non drinker and your ‘friends’ had no issue, problem or concern about you stumbling around drunk, making speeches and doing stand up that wrecked your relationship?? If (whilst regaling you with stories of your exploits), no one mentioned how out of character it was for you, or that they tried getting you to sleep it off, I think you just found out who spiked you. Sorry dude.

ETA: Get that tox screen and press charges on whoever spiked you, even if it was just with alcohol.

27

nmoore0067 t1_iwz92ld wrote

You done messed up A-aron.

13

AndrewFishay t1_iwz99x9 wrote

Oof.. I’d say that’s probably that man. Think about it, how can she have sex with you now without thinking she’s unattractive? Looks like you’re the dude her next boyfriend is going to curse for giving her a complex and not being able to see how beautiful she really is. Sorry dude, take the L and maybe try better yourself and at least learn something from this.

12

SorrowingOldMan t1_iwzmgfv wrote

That’s fucking horrendous, brother, and there’s likely no recovery. I really hope she dumps you only because no one should settle for someone who is barely attracted to them.

Here you are perfectly sober, calling her a 6/10. Holy Christ, my guy, I can only imagine the things you said whilst your drink was allegedly spiked. Which it probably wasn’t since it sounds like you just got drunk.

Also, blaming your ED on “bitch queens”? Odd misogyny just inserted in there for no reason.

12

qwertyuiopasdyeet t1_ix0rd87 wrote

I don’t see that as misogyny. Poor wording perhaps, but especially in highschool a lot of girls (who are not yet women) act really horribly. I have trust issues in no small part because of people like this. There are a lot of really horrible people out there and that is just a truth. I would not use the type of language as “bitch queens”, just sounds weird and immature, but I definitely know what he means….

−2

Shoe_mocker t1_iwye36n wrote

All these comments belong in r/aita, this is a different sub guys. Dude knows he’s an asshole, your job isn’t to pass judgement, just laugh at his idiocy

10

TheInnerMindEye t1_iwz9rqe wrote

You drank too much and fucked up your relationship... classic

10

AppalachianWidow t1_ix085aq wrote

You basically told her you weren’t attracted to her and used her for sex. That alone was enough for her to run and never look back. But you also said it in front of a lot of people. Which I’m sure was totally humiliating for her. I just don’t see how she could ever come back to you and go on like nothing happened. Even if she forgives you, she will never be able to forget. I just don’t see her coming back.

10

EdtheMed22 t1_iwz30mb wrote

You done fucked up bro, she's gone

7

RealFakeLlama t1_iwzb11w wrote

U f ed up. Multiple times.

First. If u have trauma from high school drama queen hotties, go get help. It might not cure the little bastard between your legs, but it will help with coming to terms with it so u 1 have a language about your inner feeling to express to future SOs and 2 could help you getting past it so it doest pop up and becomes an issue in suddenly, like at a party where u are way to drunk or doped. And having such a language for whats happening inside of you means you can talk to SO befre shit like this happens so she would be more understanding IF it pops its ugly head up.

Second. You picked some bad friends, if u think there is a chance they spiked your drink. Where ever u stand on drugs (banned or regulated or compleatly legal) any1 should have the right to deside what goes into their own bodies- spiking ppls drinks is an offence that takes away ppls bodily autority. I dont do drugs anymore, it makes me realy sick. I would lose my shit if any of my friends snuk drugs into me. They can be as doped as they want, but im not gonna let even a microgram into me, as it makes me seriois psykotic. My body, my rules. And I wouldnt consider them friends if they had so little respekt for me as to let me keep my head and mental health away from drugs like spiking my drink.

Third. Bad joke. Ofcourse your (x)gf got mad. I would too. Its basicly a dis of her. But if u had dealt with first and second fuck up before there would be a fair chance she would calm down. Not dealing with thise issues, i say its a 50-50 for u to break up or get past it.

7

biboibrown t1_iwxxogd wrote

Claiming to have your drink spiked is the excuse of a teenage girl

6

licalier OP t1_iwy5dqe wrote

I'm 'claiming' this because I stopped drinking after 1st year of uni which was 12 years ago (enrolled late due to military service).

6

Illeaturgerbil t1_iwza9ha wrote

Man really pulled the military card

12

SorrowingOldMan t1_iwznsdx wrote

6 is insulting because it would mean you just barely pass the threshold of being attractive. Nearly everyone can do better than a partner who considers them a “6”. Even if you’re not conventionally attractive, there is probably people out there who think you’re hot.

6

demiurgent t1_ix0brij wrote

Yeah, the thing you don't remember is how she stood up after you and talked at great length about how her exes were so much hotter than you you and how she's selling for your POS ass because while the sex isn't exciting, she still gets her rocks off and that'll do, she supposes.

Remember yet?

No?

Feel a bit shit about it anyway?

Now imagine how she feels. And yet you're here, thinking you might somehow recover the situation? Wtf?

And for the sake of clarity, she didn't enact such a performance, so don't claim me saying this somehow justifies anything.

5

arlondiluthel t1_iwxun6g wrote

Pretty sure she's your ex at this point. I hope I'm wrong though.

3

m0n0prix t1_iwzprzo wrote

bro 💀💀 if even completely sober you're saying the same thing about her then a possible spiked drink has nothing to do with it

to be honest there's nothing to save here, you made a speech in a room full of your friends and hers saying that she's not pretty, how would you react if she did the same thing ? that's some pretty bad public humiliation

as for the bad experiences with the "bitch queens" mate, go to therapy, that would maybe stop you from being an ass with other of your future girlfriends

and I must add : on top of the humiliation she must feel really betrayed now, cause I'm sure you told her that she's pretty, gorgeous, beautiful yada yada, and she just found out that it was all a lie, that you never found her particularly pretty cause you just can't get it up if that's someone you find pretty, I'd feel heavily betrayed too if it was me ngl

guess you're single dude.

3

BigTimeAdmin t1_ix07x4w wrote

If they ain't butt ugly i ain't boinking.

3

Lord_Cockwood t1_iwyb8ek wrote

Get a tox-screen to lend your excuse credibility and then you'll have to lie and tell her you were out of your mind. Sticking to the truth will only work if your girlfriend is enlightened to the point of recognising that conventional attractiveness is much less prevalent and important than society would like you to believe. But the want for ones partner to consider one beautiful probably runs deeper than societal indoctrination so even then it'll be an uphill battle.

What I'm trying to say is you either have to lie to her and everyone that was there that evening and continue that relationship based on lies. Or you stick to the truth hope for an incredible amount of forgiveness and make sure to never let that information out in your next relationship.

2

HotSplitCobra t1_iwynrr7 wrote

If you get a chance to apologise you have to stick with honesty now. You've said it and it's done. Focus on the positives. There is a reason/s you are/was with her. Focus on that.

At the very least maybe the break up will be less of a sting. At best maybe she sees that there is still something that can be worked on.

Ultimately though, you fucked up. If you get another chance take it but show her some respect on what she decides to do from here.

2

StubbsTwin207 t1_iwzg7cq wrote

Yeah you done messed up dude. Learn from this mistake in your next relationship

2

i_amstillalive t1_iwz9jz8 wrote

Were you intentionally drinking alcohol and you think they spiked your drink or was it a non-alcoholic drink and you acted like that after?

1

3bag t1_iwzmhei wrote

Mate you screwed up with your girlfriend. Sorry about that, but please get therapy. You should be able to get it up no matter what the lady looks like. Those 'bitch queens' did a real number on you. Your outburst may have been a subconscious cry for help.

1

InterestedDawg t1_ix0c54g wrote

You should go and listen to Fidlar - Bad Habits...

1

Webofshadows1 t1_iwzl1ig wrote

When did 6, or above average, become an insult?

0

Potatotornado20 t1_iwycr0x wrote

You’ll just have to reverse course and lie to her that she’s actually super hot. Girls need that kind of reassurance, don’t try to fight the natural order of things.

−2

Rdpsm t1_iwz7lno wrote

Stop chasing after her, stop apologizing, and just ignore her. She'll either come back, or you'll get a new GF. There are many, many fish in the sea.

−2

pp_smoker t1_iwyejj7 wrote

Maybe as a man I don't understand this shit but if someone told me I was a 6 I would be happy. 6 is not bad? I would rather someone was with me because I was kind and funny not because I was attractive. I think women just confuse me too much :|

−6

turdennis t1_iwzj9pp wrote

it's just not a nice thing to say to someone in front of a Crowd of People. What is a compliment to one person is an insult to another, but a majority of people (regardless of gender) will tell you that unless the person asked Directly how pretty they are on a scale of 1 to 10, any pretty rating is usually not welcome.

Additionally, its the way he said it to people. If they were talking privately and he said that (again, if she asked for his opinion), that might be more justifiable. In the real situation, he was drunk and said that he rejects Very Pretty girls and that his current girlfriend is Not a Very Pretty Girl, so it's okay for them to date. It's pretty rude, especially in front of a bunch of people.

5

pp_smoker t1_iwzjsbp wrote

Sorry I get it. He is still an ass no matter what haha

1

HallieMarie43 t1_iwzuf0u wrote

Also my physical attraction to a person changes the more I get to know them so a stranger 6 is much different from a long term relationship 6. My own husband has made me feel like a 10 our whole relationship, even when I myself didn't care for what I saw in the mirror after multiple pregnancies and thyroid issues. Clearly OP doesn't have Love Lenses or Beer Goggles.

2