TIFU by being a virgin

Submitted by No_Sprinkles1803 t3_yxw6rz in tifu

this is a throwaway for obvious reasons

so this happened a few hours ago, me being a 25 years old virgin, i was sick and tired of being picked on by my buddies and decided to pay a worker and just get done with it, thinking with a logic that if i do it, i'll learn how its done and when a girl decides that i'm good enough for her to be with me, i won't look like an idiot trying to figure out what to do.

so i'm at this person's place, she was very good looking, she gave me a super nice massage and got me ready, as hard as a tree i was, and when it came time for me to put it in, i went completely spaghetti and it just stopped working, she tried so hard to make me hard again but to no results, that moment i wished that the earth would open up and swallow me.

now i hate myself for failing as a man, i don't know what the fuck happened or why, but i just hate myself and i want to disappear from this planet

the slightly good news is that now i know what a woman looks like and feels like, and that my rod is above average (she said she didnt expect me to be this big considering how tiny i am)

TL;DR : i failed to unvirgin myself

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Grammar-Notsee_ t1_iwqsy3x wrote

Who cares if you're a virgin. You'll change that when you're ready. And yes, to confirm, your friends are dickheads. Get new friends.

150

Rogaar t1_iwsxg0b wrote

I second this. Definitely shitty friends.

No friend would do this. They would support you.

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Ireallyamthisshallow t1_iwqskuj wrote

>i was sick and tired of being picked on by my buddies

Your friends are pricks. Get new friends.

>now i hate myself for failing as a man,

You didn't fail as a man. This happens to lots of people. Don't feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do, you'll do it when it's right for you.

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reallyoldgreg t1_iwqvmk7 wrote

I went soft once when i was inside a woman, had no idea what happened

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Mr007McDiddles t1_iwr1c62 wrote

It's Just nerves, man. You hyped yourself up too much. When it's supposed to happen it'll happen.

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Ryes01 t1_iwqtdwe wrote

Don’t work against the universe and force things, it’ll happen when it’s ment to

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Core1989 t1_iwqw7dc wrote

Out of fear of knocking some random up and being stuck with a baby (like many of my friends had actually done) I waited, I met a great girl, we dated, we fell in love and when the time was right we had sex, over a decade later and we're married with two kids both planned and loved dearly.

Sex is important in a relationship, if you're not in one start with the relationship first and work towards sex, there isn't an imaginary gate that opens up on losing ones virginity, you will still be as likeable as you were before sleeping with a hooker, maybe a little more confident, but you could get that same confidence by not putting sex on a pedestal.

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Consistent_Policy_66 t1_iwx5nc4 wrote

Was a virgin until around 24. I had planned to wait until marriage, but I threw caution to the wind with a girl I was serious about. It was very fast.

We continued dating and married. We’re still going strong with 3 kids.

OP, you didn’t fail as a man, and your friends are jerks. You will be fine when the time is right.

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Devittraisedto2 t1_iwqtzjx wrote

Are your friends assholes, sounds like they are if they're making fun of you for being a virgin

Because at this day and age virginity doesn't really hold much value, if you're a virgin, there will be a time for you to lose it. No need to rush.

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Otfd t1_iwsmy16 wrote

Do you guy friends not give you a hard time? Y’all ever hung out with guys? Doesn’t mean they aren’t ride or die..

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Devittraisedto2 t1_iwsn8am wrote

?

You speak as if that's the only type of friends you know

When the friends I have dont give me a hard time and are supportive of each other. We respect each other and don't pick on other friends who are still virgins.

Yes we tease each other but we don't do it as OP's friends do to the point he's conscious about his virginity.

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Otfd t1_iwsqj9n wrote

Keep assuming shit. Weird

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Devittraisedto2 t1_iwsqlxe wrote

You're the one who first assumed I don't have any guy friends so, you do you fella.

So suffice to say, it's weird for you to call me weird and assuming when that's the very thing you did. Quite hypocritical of you.

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Minute-Ad-2148 t1_iwtfru3 wrote

Actually he assumed you did have guy friends by asking about them.

How could he ask about what your male friends do if he believed you have none? 🤔

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bsuvo t1_iwtpy3q wrote

There's a difference between giving each other a hard time, and taking it to the point where the person is extremely self conscious about himself. Taking it too far does infact make them assholes

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Otfd t1_iwuhgi7 wrote

Not enough context.

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bsuvo t1_iwx7xzq wrote

What do you mean, it obviously went too far for him, if he felt the need to go to a hooker just so his friends would stop making fun of him lol

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daworkphan t1_iwquaai wrote

Pay for an hour with more than one shot. That way you have no time constraints and have time to get comfortable. Judging by the post and you going this direction finding a more natural solution to your first time is out the window so just be honest with the worker and they'd be more than helpful/welcoming to make sure this moment is as special as if can be.

That is if you find a reputable worker and not a sketchy one gif

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get_off_my_lawn_n0w t1_iws93yk wrote

You psyched yourself out. You were so concerned with performing well that you entirely put yourself out of the mood.

Instead try to just have fun, it will happen.

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Simaganis1963 t1_iwryw2u wrote

Maybe you just have 'issues' w/sex workers. Not saying you re a bad guy but it was supposed to work logically but your heart wasn't in it
Another day another try

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Butters1509 t1_iws5ol8 wrote

It happens to the best of us and it’s very easy to get this kinda problem stuck in your head but have no shame, for you are only human

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AxelrodGunnerson t1_iwsgmb9 wrote

It happens! My first few sexual experiences I couldn't stay hard. It may get better with an established comfort level type stuff! Don't overthink it! I've been sexually active for 20 years and it still happens to me occasionally. It's really not a big deal! My partners have been understanding, and if someone isn't understanding, fuck em they are probably a shitheel!

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Spiritual_Poo t1_iwstf21 wrote

>AxelrodGunnerson

I'm sorry but did you spell your own name wrong? Googling this version corrects to the correct MtG card, or clicking to results of your username just brings up your reddit and I assume your moxfield.

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PBlove t1_iwt2nzf wrote

I remember my first time... Ruined way to many condoms from sheer inexperience and nerves, and lasted all of no time at all.

Her first time too, so it was emotionally satisfying, but I don't think either of us had what anyone could call a "good time"

(((This was before an older man set me straight on finding a wife and not sticking nothing in crazy.)))

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ccknboltrtre01 t1_iwsjuzu wrote

Thats completely normal. Never be ashamed of going limp!

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[deleted] t1_iwtnxum wrote

You need new friends. Friends should be supportive and respective. Also there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. Your first time shouldn't be with a worker, it should be with someone you have feelings for each other. You won't be nervous, you'll be excited and ready when you meet that person. It won't be a situation to "get it over with" and it will be meaningful. You don't have to be like everyone else, just be yourself. And be friends with people who like you for you, respect you and support you.

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hmv1998 t1_iwsolz6 wrote

Hopefully the friends find the line between teasing and bullying

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gis_mappr t1_iwspct4 wrote

Be kind to yourself

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PBlove t1_iwsvtu0 wrote

Let me give you the wise old man talk.

Don't bother with "workers" while sex sure does feel great during the act, the end is the same as running solo so to speak.

The best thing to do is ignore the insults, and work on yourself. Hit the gym, focus on your job and your hobbies.

When it comes to dating you need to switch up your conceptions. Women are people just like you and I, and just like men, most of them suck. So don't put them on a pedestal.

Instead treat dating as it should be, you are looking for a wife. (Or should be). Just like anything else you want to do or accomplish the first step is to define your objective. Sit down and list out the features if your perfect wife, then list our the features of the opposite of your perfect wife.

Next remind your self you will NEVER find your perfect wife, and you never have to settle for the opposite if that either. After taking time to understand that, start listing down when the features are if a barely acceptable wife, the least wife you could accept and be happier with than being alone.

Once you have that, work the next step up, what would make your really happy? What would make you feel lucky to have? What would be an honest match, list it all down and think about it. Then realize that none of those people exist, women being real people will always be better in some ways and worse in others, so as there are to many combinations to list imagine what improvements in one area are worth a deficit in others?

Now you have an idea of the ideal you are aiming for, the compromise that would make you lucky, and the honest fair match.

Now you know exactly what you are looking for, go look for it. Ask women on dates and talk with them. Dinner, coffee, whatever really works so you can talk and get to know them. If after the first date they don't meet the standards you have written down, move on.

During this process you are not really "having a girlfriend" you are trying to find a girl that is worth spending your life with. Don't bother with flings, they just waste your time and emotionally tax you.

Eventually you will find her if you are looking. And here is the secret.

Anyone who meets the written standards will start to grow on you over time. Your mind will release hormones and drugs and literally brain wash both of you into thinking the other is perfect. " That small defect isn't a defect its cute" sort of thing. By ensuring that you only bother with worth while women when that brain washing eventually wears off (as it always does) you will still be happy with your choice.

That's it, don't try to find a girlfriend, try to find a wife, ignore the idiots that waste time on drama. When you find her, and you have kids if your own, pay this advice forward.

Good luck.

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kappakeats t1_iwtqn3p wrote

Something about this post is really weirding me out. Maybe just treat people like people and don't have all these standards listed out in advance or ideas of who is and isn't worthwhile. If you click, you click. It's kind of just that.

Edit: I looked into your comment history and you had some pretty nasty things to say about a woman on here. Calling her the village bike and a fleshlight and saying she's never had a loving relationship. The fuck? Don't listen to this fool, OP. His comment is truly disgusting and nobody should take any advice about women or anything else from him.

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SlenderLlama t1_iwtvtz5 wrote

I stopped reading at dating to marry lol

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PBlove t1_iwuojit wrote

That's fine.

I don't understand why anyone would want to be alone and volunteer for a Darwin award... But you do you.

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PBlove t1_iwukch3 wrote

>Something about this post is really weirding me out. Maybe just treat people like people and don't have all these standards listed out in advance or ideas of who is and isn't worthwhile. If you click, you click. It's kind of just that.

100% wrong.

This would be how you "date" or get a girlfriend, then end up in your 30s no different then your 20s with someone you wouldn't want to spend your life with.

Everyone should have standards and should try to better understand themselves and their standards. You are essentially just suggesting letting the chemicals evolved to effect short term mating be the sole decider of long term decisions. Its a childish approach to essentially just wing it.

>Edit: I looked into your comment history and you had some pretty nasty things to say about a woman on here. Calling her the village bike and a fleshlight and saying she's never had a loving relationship.

I have said nasty shit about men too. Women are people, stop putting them on a pedestal as somehow above reproach.

In the case you are referring to, I said nothing untrue. She did act the village bike, tried essentially the childish approach to romance you suggested and ended up being used like a living sex doll by assholes and wondered why she was forever alone. Rather than admit her error she was convinced that it was men's fault that she refused to have any standards. Just as respectable women don't like men who have no standards, respectable men don't get involved with women who have no standards. Nothing I said was untrue, you are just sad that what I said wasn't kind. As above, that's the approach of a child.

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kappakeats t1_iwvf7lo wrote

You are an incel.

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PBlove t1_iwvgucu wrote

With a paid off house, 2 kids, a wife, and 2 dogs?

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kappakeats t1_iwvim0c wrote

Yes, you have the views of an incel from what I can see. The woman you were talking to just said she didn't want to have sex with a right leaning man because of their regressive attitudes and lack of respect for women's bodies. She also said that sex could be more of a chore than pleasurable for her due to misogynistic attitudes and the downsides of sex. You then went full blown misogynistic asshole on her. I suggest you go back and reread her reply about how to be a better person.

Your confidence in yourself is actually scary. There was a news story not long ago about this dude who was so confident in himself that he went to the police to tell them all about how he tried to chase down a woman and give a mixtape to her. He then started ranting about how woman have rape fantasies and chasing her was exciting for her because she wanted to be chased. I'm getting the same overconfident yet incredibly wrong vibes from your comments.

But you know, whatever, good thing is maybe you keep this shit to Reddit where women can block and report you.

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[deleted] t1_iwvjfnp wrote

[removed]

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kappakeats t1_iwvwjgi wrote

Dude I'm not following you across boards. I'm not having an emotional reaction, I'm calling out your incel beliefs and stupid ideas. What the fuck do you think is true about me? I'm not a woman who sleeps with men so I don't have that woman's problems but I sure do sympathize that she had to read your insane comments. You don't even know what you are saying lmao.

You are a super duper weirdo. Your level of self insight is completely subpar. Reply again if you like but I will block you so I don't have to see any more drivel in my inbox.

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PBlove t1_iwvxqdb wrote

Huh... I tried to edit my comment after he blocked me to include the screen cap and it just wiped the comment.

Odd

Either way, doing a reply block is a cowardly move. Trying to make it look like you "put someone in their place" when in reality you ran off with a tail between your legs.

Sad... Many such cases.

Let's see if I can remember what I wrote.

You called a married man with kids involuntarily celibate. So you obviously don't care about definitions as much as you care about connotations/associations. This is a characteristic of acting emotionally / surrendering to emotions.

You saw my initial advice and had an emotional reaction you couldn't find any flaws in it sonyou decided to crawl through my history to find something to discredit me because you could not discredit my advice.

When that didn't work and you took a thrashing you started calling me names and exposed how you were an emotional failure who's life was a wreak.

I suggest you show my initial post in thisnthresd to your shrink. See how she responds to suggestions if self actualization, journalling, and positive reflection. Then you can show her how I'm just a "big meany". Then you can run back here and lie about her response to my initial advice.

Just take the L it feels like a beating up a child.

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kappakeats t1_iwvy5av wrote

You are a funny person. I feel bad for you. Truly I do. I can't imagine living in your brain. Someone who has to prove he's not an incel by posting screenshots of his text convos is not firing on all cylinders. Goodbye.

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[deleted] t1_iwsy06x wrote

Don’t worry bro. It happens to the BEST of us. Your first time is particularly nervewracking. Sex gets better with experience. Dont sweat it. I’m glad you got to increase your experiences, and I hope next time (with it without a sex worker) goes well.

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LazarusMidnight t1_iwt19qk wrote

Stress and Anxiety. Stop putting pressure on yourself and F anyone who bugs you or bullys yo u about it. Nothing wrong with being a Virginia, waiting til your ready etc.

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wonderboyobe t1_iwt1knp wrote

I think you just found out that feelings for your partner are important

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emzirek t1_iwtkte0 wrote

your best bet is to find another virgin and explore each other

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misaka-8888 t1_iwtz721 wrote

I did what u did but went through with it. I regret my decision deeply. Please see this as a blessing.

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BorisTheLitBoi t1_iwu0vf2 wrote

" now i hate myself for failing as a man "

You did not.

Tbh you just need to be ready, dont be stressed and dont be mad about yourself, just get your mind clear and do it.

If you have to much stress or you are to insecure in this exact moment stuff like this happens. Its just a head thing yk.

I would advise you to try and find a girl you really really like, be honnest with here and stand to beeing a virgin (its not a shame and everybody who says it is is a fucking sonovabitch). When you get close just try to relax, I mean its normal to be excited but dont think about it to much.

You got it bro!

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Rasshal t1_iwue7vy wrote

I personally have known so much people with the exact same story I wouldn't consider this as a fuck up.

First thing first some people , really, only can fuck with a person they have feelings for and that includes me. I just can't.

Second you're lucky for you didn't unvirgin yourself with a sex worker. When you do it with a person that you have feelings for it will be equal to you fucked every people on earth.

So no hurry take your time. Being a man isn't about your pp going into fresh meat.

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rizu_risu t1_iwup3mm wrote

you know what i did when my friends were doing the same to me? i got new friends lol. take your time and live your life

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escanorlionpride t1_ix060wq wrote

Having sex with a person you truly love and care about is the most pleasurable thing in the world of sex.

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GlasgowBadger t1_iwqu8y4 wrote

Listen son, it can happen to us all. Your mind and body are mad bastards and dont put no pressure on yourself. It will happen when it's supposed to. I've slept with over 200 women and didn't bust my cherry until I was 23. You will be fine bro

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Bulldogge16 t1_iwqvh5v wrote

Never trust someone you’re paying when they tell you you’re packing, or how good looking you are. They know that’s what you wanna hear (it’s what we all wanna hear). They want repeat customers.

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Spiritual_Poo t1_iwst0wz wrote

Not bad advice, but possibly advice OP could stand to hear at a later time. Dude needs the win. Maybe finding out he doesn't have a tiny rod is the confidence boost he needs to get out there and get it done for real. He has his whole life ahead of him to find out he doesn't have a magnum dong, you know?

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PBlove t1_iwt2b5z wrote

The only exception is when they see it and say "NOPE! Not happening I have other jobs to do and I can't afford to not be able to walk."

I had a friend in college with that problem. Ladies wanted to "try him out" and all admitted it was painful and not fun. And he couldnt find an actual relationship, just got treated by a circus freak by the ladies.

Apparently being too big, is a big problem. (Happy ending he eventually found a hallway that fit. And we all joked about how fast her evential labor was.

"Kid just cralwed out" "Well having headroom to walk is nice" "X is larger then the baby, can't have been a problem." "Look at it this way X, neither of you could ever cheat on the other... I mean emotions aside its just not anatomically possible"

All in good fun, he got us back in turn.

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Gamerguy2542 t1_iwrf4zh wrote

I didn't lose my virginity till I was 22, so there is no rush.

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Hawthorne_Abendsen t1_iwt2xbv wrote

So what you just gotta do is just get you a bunch of these hood rats. Run through them, just knock them out.

Boom, boom, boom.

And once you've done slayed like 20, 30 of them hood rats... now you ready to go up to the upper echelon type ho.

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cxmanxc t1_iwtqkdh wrote

WTF do you mean by TIFU by being a virgin !

Isnt everyone born a virgin and have to be a virgin for some point of their lives? Its normal to be inexperienced and do dumb shit

Feels stupid to say (oh I fucked up for being born.. or TIFU for breathing … TIFU for blinking)

What you had is normal and happens to the best, not to mention first time thats pretty okay

Gosh Gen-Z

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carpmen2 t1_iwr6jmc wrote

Did you get a refund?

−2

AcrobaticSource3 t1_iwr5gon wrote

> my rod is above average

What size we talking about?

−3

Otfd t1_iwsmucq wrote

Reddit acting like they never had friends.. y’all always assume the worse with minimal information..

My friends would 100% tease me if I was a virgin, but if they noticed it was actually hurting me too badly, they would say sorry and still the type of guys to show up when I need them.

Y’all have no idea. Guys give each other a hard time, shit maybe they are doing it just to give him a push.

−3

PBlove t1_iwt2u7g wrote

An upvote for a real comment.

Men rib each other all the time its what we do. If it seriously hurts you can always tell them so... Then they will rib you on something less painful and .ore amusing.

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PracticeAsleep t1_iws69ie wrote

Welcome to a very large Club. Get yourself an extra hundred bucks get back up on that horse and ride it again. Trust me sooner or later you'll come through. If the young lady that you contracted with the first time is still willing contract with her again. Spend some time talking about sex and learning a little bit more about it. Maybe learn from her point of view what it's about. Broadening your perspective makes life a little more interesting.

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PBlove t1_iwt3wgc wrote

The last thing you want to do is talk to a worker about sex. They are not therapists, they are there to sell a service. Its like asking a used car dealer about the best used car. Sure they may say some true things but only the truths that help make a sale.

Also their perspective will be twisted from that of a living relationship. A lot of hormones fire up during sex, they activate parts of the brain involved with facial recognition and many others.

Just like any person can get desensitized to a drug, they do too. I'm not saying they are bad people, but their perspective is NOT one you want to listen to about this.

(Its reminds me of a relative of mine. Special forces vet, didn't get enjoyment from roller coasters or carnival rides anymore. To much adrenaline fucked him up and burned that part of his brain out... I remember when he was an old man and we went hunting, we heard a gunshot off a distance and he threw himself down and pulled his gun up in a ready position... This was a gray haired old man who already hobbled more than walked. Tried to pretend he just tripped. Man was old and it hurt him he was embarrassed. "Workers" get like that about sex. Its not a place you want to be in or emulate.)

0