TIFU by mistaking my autogynephilia for gender dysphoria

Submitted by WonTaPooSee t3_zgp6da in tifu

Hi everyone, I wanted to share a story about a time when I really messed up. I hope that by sharing my experience, others can learn from my mistake and avoid going down the same path.

A few years ago, I started to feel like I didn't fit in as a man. I felt uncomfortable in my own body, and I often wished that I could be a woman. I thought that I was experiencing gender dysphoria, so I started to explore the idea of transitioning to a female gender identity.

However, as I started to learn more about gender dysphoria and transgender experiences, I realized that my feelings were not the same as what most people with gender dysphoria experience. Instead, I realized that I was experiencing a condition called autogynephilia, which is a type of paraphilia in which a person is sexually aroused by the thought or image of themselves as a woman.

I was shocked and confused by this discovery. I had spent so much time and energy trying to understand and come to terms with my feelings, and now I realized that I had been completely mistaken. I felt like I had wasted a lot of time and caused myself unnecessary distress.

Looking back, I realize that I should have done more research and sought out professional help before jumping to conclusions about my gender identity. I also should have been more open-minded and less dismissive of other people's experiences.

I'm now in a much better place, and I've learned a lot from my mistake. I hope that by sharing my story, others can learn from my experience and avoid making the same mistake.

TL;DR I thought I was transgender but really I just have a fetish

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Comments

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UltraComfort t1_izi41h6 wrote

Autogynephilia has been pretty thoroughly discredited as a theory. I'd urge you to reconsider whether you're an autogynephile, OP.

I recommend reading this article by Julia Serano.

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Carniequeue t1_izig13l wrote

Replying to KungFuTuna (#891,850)

That’s not what this comment is saying at all. It’s fine that OP ultimately decided he was not trans. But in doing so, he doesn’t need to lend credence to a debunked theory that is used to discredit trans people on a daily basis.

Many trans people can feel very turned on or have erotic thoughts about themselves being recognized (or just recognizing themselves) as their preferred gender. This does not make their identity a fetish. It does not make their gender dysphoria any less real.

In the end, OP seems to no longer be questioning their gender nor be struggling with gender identity. That’s great. But I do t think it would be hurtful or invalidating to recognize that what he went through was a genuine part of the process of coming to where he is now and not a near miss of a fetish almost leading him into a mistake as he seems to be suggesting in this post.

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Figgy20000 t1_izj2v4e wrote

Replying to Carniequeue (#892,124)

It's incredibly hurtful and invalidating to just call his lived experience a debunked theory that doesn't exist, and clearly he isn't trying to discredit anyone. What is wrong with you. You're unbelievably direspectful to the people you pretend to be trying to protect and are just as horrible as the Transphobes.

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InevitableStill9391 t1_izk9brl wrote

Trans activists get their backs up over people with Autogynephilia as they believe its used as a means to discredit the validity of being transgender. Its kind of ridiculous to say a fetish doesn't exist and invalidate someone elses lived experience simply because you feel your own identify is being questioned by their mere existence. Both transgender people and people with autogynephila can and do exist. People can be experiencing one and mistake it for the other due to the overlap in symptoms and neither one discredits the validity of the other.

Well done OP. I'm glad you figured it out before making any permanent changes to your body you may have later regretted.

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JustAnotherVeggie t1_izkdxia wrote

Replying to Figgy20000 (#892,981)

So, as a trans person, I feel I can speak on this. Gender identity is still something everyone is trying to figure out. I took a long 6 years for my own research and trying to figure out who I am. No amount of self research can "cure" me but it does help me understand myself.

I've learned I don't identify with any particular gender, but the thought how things make me feel. I don't find clothes or looks to be gendered but, for sociatel reasons, I have to say I do. I'm agender and I choose to display as adrogynous. People have different experiences. Sometimes we need help with second opinions but if OP is cofident with themselves, they don't need anyone telling them anything.

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No-Hippo5631 t1_izknp30 wrote

Replying to JustAnotherVeggie (#894,925)

Yeah, that's the thing, autogynophilia shouldn't be used to discredit trans people, BUT people are also telling OP that their fetish doesn't exist, and that sorta invalidates their own lived experience (not to mention that anything that can be a fetish probably is, and I know for a fact that there's people who are sexually aroused by crossdressing while still being cisgender).

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littlewoolhat t1_izkqbp7 wrote

Replying to KungFuTuna (#891,850)

This is a very transparently transphobic rhetoric packaged as a TIFU. Notice how there are no details, just TERF talking points.

OP, it's not too late to stop wasting your life doing dumb shit like this. I believe in you.

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No-Hippo5631 t1_izkqd4j wrote

Replying to UltraComfort (#891,827)

How is it debunked though if people legitimately experience it? And isn't it possible that someone can be both trans AND have this, but also they often don't overlap (meaning a trans person could not have this whatsoever, or a cis person could 100% have this and still be cis?). I mean, I just don't see how we can discredit that something psychological exists (and as ubiquitous as having a fetish, which could literally be anything).

Just because it could have overlap with the experience of being transgender doesn't mean it isn't a distinct thing. I personally have what one could dysphoria about my reproductive organs and honestly want to not have a uterus or breasts, I just have a disdain for traditional gender roles and the idea that I must have babies when I don't want them and body dysmorphia, which have existed within me since I was a preteen, I still very much identify with feminine clothing and femininity and have no interest in being a man.

I guess I don't see why we're discrediting OP's own lived experience.

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JulietsTower t1_izle8nq wrote

I'm glad you were able to figure out how you felt. Just know you did not waste your time or energy. Your experiences are valid and it led you to where you are now.

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InevitableStill9391 t1_iznp4h1 wrote

Replying to CouldntThinkOfClever (#895,233)

OK, say the person who coined the term autogynephilia is wildly misguided in their understanding of the subject and is talking shit, which is clear. That doesn't debunk the reality that there are absolutely people who feel sexually aroused by the idea or image of themselves as the opposite gender and 'autogynephilia' is the word we all use to describe that fetish. Call it autogynephilia or call is something else but those people exist all over the world. So the theories of the person who coined the term have been thoroughly debunked, but the fact that people with that particular fetish exist everywhere absolutely hasn't.

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InevitableStill9391 t1_izo0xzg wrote

Replying to CouldntThinkOfClever (#900,277)

Something can exist all over the world and still be rare. Like you can have a rare genetic disease that exists in almost every country of the world but is still extremely rare. But I feel like you're focusing on something I've already clarified and ignoring the actual point of my original comment.

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InevitableStill9391 t1_izo48m1 wrote

Replying to CouldntThinkOfClever (#900,511)

What? OK, I'm completely lost. So because there are cis women who masturbate to pictures of themselves, this debunks the belief that autogynephilia exists? This is a confusing af concept your posing to me as is, but if women are masturbating to pictures of themselves, they're not being sexually aroused by the idea of themselves as the opposite sex. It's a female masturbating to themselves while being female (which I find extremely odd, but can easily believe happens) so how does this debunk autogynephilia in any way?

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CouldntThinkOfClever t1_izo5xok wrote

Replying to InevitableStill9391 (#900,584)

AGP has been used as an explanation of gender dysphoria. That's what it is at its core. AGP in original theory and how it's been used has been used as an attempt to debunk someone's "transness". If AGP were actually a debunking of transness, then I guess many cis women are actually trans men.

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InevitableStill9391 t1_izo7pwc wrote

Replying to CouldntThinkOfClever (#900,682)

>AGP has been used as an explanation of gender dysphoria. That's what it is at its core. AGP in original theory and how it's been used has been used as an attempt to debunk someone's "transness".

I understand that autogynephilia has been used to discredit the validity of "transness" and I think that's nonsense. I believe both exist and are both as valid as each other. But that doesn't discredit the reality of autogynephilia. Just because a group of people feel invalidated by someone else's identity, it doesn't debunk the reality of their identity, does it?

>If AGP were actually a debunking of transness, then I guess many cis women are actually trans men.

And I don't understand how cis women who masturbate to pictures of themselves relates to this at all. If the woman were dressing up as men, taking photos and masturbating to the images of themselves dressed as male then I see how you would include it, but otherwise I don't see the correlation?

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InevitableStill9391 t1_izoqd7d wrote

Replying to CouldntThinkOfClever (#901,387)

Well yes. If you believe both transgender people and people with autogynephila exist at the same time, then a trans woman who masturbates to pictures of themselves is just a woman masturbating to pictures of themselves and likely just an odd thing people do regardless of whether they are trans or not. The trans woman is not being turned on by the fact they're presenting as a woman, they're likely getting the same satisfaction the cis woman is getting from doing it. No cis woman is looking at themselves and thinking "I look so much like a woman today" and getting off over it, they're obviously getting something else out of it. I assumed we were talking about photos, but it could be that they're getting sexual satisfaction by watching themselves masturbate in the mirror, which may just add some extra sensory gratification to the act for them, which is far more likely and has nothing to do with sex or gender. Someone with autogynephila doing this is being sexually stimulated directly from the fact they are dressed as the opposite gender/imagining themselves as the opposite gender.

But none of this thoroughly debunks autogynephila.

Thanks for the convo anyway, have a good day!

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Mysterious_Nature193 t1_izqds0a wrote

I'm really glad you wrote this because feel the same way( except I'm a (F) and wished I was a (M). I didn't even know this had a name, cool! Thanks for sharing your knowledge.

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hellspawn3200 t1_izroeof wrote

Replying to ZwischenzugZugzwang (#902,818)

Personally I knew since i was 6 I couldn't imagine changing my mind. I'm sure some ppl might but then again they probably weren't trans but some flavour of non binary. It's really something that even if you're sure is still worth talking to a proper therapist about.

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