>I haven’t had a nice Christmas since childhood and i just hate this holiday. All i see are happy stories everywhere and all this good cheer and I can’t relate.

I hear ya and just so you have more Christmas stories you can relate to I'll give you a rundown about mine this year and last.

This year: spent with my FIL and his spouse (husband's stepmother), FIL/StepMIL picked a fight about mental health "labels" on Christmas eve, had a new gas range cooker installed on Christmas eve that ended up with a gas leak due to incompetent installers. Christmas day, dinner was abandoned half eaten after my husband innocently pointed out a dent in the oven doors of the new cooker, courtesy of the installers, which sent my StepMIL into a depressive, anxious, tearful fit. She went upstairs to cry and refused to come down until late evening.

Last year: spent with my MIL and her spouse (husband's stepfather), husband and I were largely ignored most of Christmas eve and day, they all opened presents without us (even the ones we had brought over the previous evening) so we opened our gifts from them alone. StepFIL sat silently watching his horseracing and being antisocial. I had some video calls with my overseas family to nake, StepFIL felt slighted for no reason over it and picked a huge row with my husband over me and we left shortly after the screaming match ended. The fight ended with husband and stepFIL yelling, myself and MIL crying and SIL trying to comfort me by taking me up to her room away from the fighting. Boxing day was very awkward and quiet.

I haven't spent Christmas with my parents since 2018 and when I did it was super stressful with my controlling/abusive mother trying to make everything picture perfect and making the whole day miserable for everyone each year.

Honestly the gas leak/cooker tantrum this year is the best Christmas I've had so far, along with the last Christmas I spent in my FILs house in 2019!